Whimsical Poetry of Doom
by fortheloveofcamelot
Summary: A poem a week about a different character of Merlin. you have to guess which! Intrigued? Come on in, there's room for one more! Occasional mild language/odd terminology! Please review - share the love!
1. Basic Anatomy

Disclaimer: _Although we've technically not named (many) characters in this poetry corner, I suppose it's _proper_ to put this anyway. The characters all belong to the BBC and not us apparently…Sniff_…

Hiya, welcome to Whimsical Poetry of Doom! This started in History, when Catherine and I (working hard as usual) wrote a poem about a certain character to give to Simona. This then caught on, and we started writing poems for all the Merlin characters! Yay! Anyway, we've tried not to make it too obvious who each poem is about, but if you are a TRUE FAN you should get it! ;) It's all part of the fun, and whimsical-ness of said poetry!

Beware of occasional mild language (That's why it's a "T")! And also, we apologise for any British slang used that other nationalities may not understand, but at least it rhymes, eh?

We promise this will be updated weekly until we run out of characters. We have some in storage so updates should be on time... We hope... We apologise in advance if they aren't! We do also have lives, you know...

Anyway, we love you all for even bothering to read this ever-lengthening Author's Note and coming to read our whimsical poetry of doom! Now for our first poem… Enjoy!

- Eleanor

* * *

Basic Anatomy (by Catherine and Eleanor)

It starts at your head and ends at your toes,

No matter what happens, it's bros before hoes.

Your long luscious locks of silvery grey,

That crooked smile which brightens my day.

You taught me all that was good and right,

But I slept on the floor when "_she_" stayed the night.

Who in my words you always trust,

Except concerning matters of lust.

From jail, you bailed me many times,

(Insert here a sentence that rhymes!)

Time and again, you feed me cack,

Or nothing at all, you selfish quack.

You wish I could be just like you,

But I don't want a face like goo.

I am an idiot, or so I'm told,

But at least I didn't lick the gold.

When you do magic, you look a fool,

I wouldn't be surprised to see some drool.

You told a Welshman he would die,

But you just wanted to see him cry.

Bravely to battle you will go,

As long as you're chasing the Royal Hoe.

But, alas, I've gone off track,

You know I'll always have your back.

* * *

This one was particularly whimsical, and our poetry has improved with time, I promise! Have you guessed the character it's about yet? It should be pretty easy...

Oh, I also forgot to mention, beware of in-jokes. Sorry, some of the phrases are just our little inside jokes, I'm afraid you'll just have to go along with it! Don't be afraid to tell us what you thought of this, by the way, WE LOVE COMMENTS! (constructive criticism is accepted, but not necessarily loved as much. Meh, if it makes us better poets, I suppose...)

See you next week!

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	2. Long Live The King

Aaaaaand last week's poem was about GAIUS! The official Camelot pimp! But as someone (Lady Elrayen – the only reviewer, sniff!) pointed out, it _is_ from Merlin's point of view. So we'll give you the point for saying Merlin if you're all technically minded like that!

Hi again, faithful readers of this still-young poetry corner. I know it's not technically been a week, but Catherine was late in uploading Chapter 2 of _'The Dreamcatcher' _(check that one out too!) because she was working. So this is to make up for that, and also because I couldn't wait – it's really exciting that actual real people read your material and comment (hint, hint, lovely people!) on it!

Ok, ok, I'll calm down… For this one, all credit goes to Catherine actually, she wrote this all by herself to give to me, (aww!) that was a lovely surprise. And now I will share it with the world! Mwahaha!

Happy reading – don't forget to try and guess the MAIN CHARACTER it is about! (Sorry but as mentioned above there was a discrepancy with last week's poem because it was from one character's perspective but directed towards another character.)

- Eleanor

* * *

Long Live the King (by Catherine)

O, to be a mighty king,  
It is not an easy thing.

The people, well, they never listen,  
And your head, it does glisten.

Shinier than the brightest gold,  
Within, your mind, it does unfold.

But hold on tight to your power,  
Before it leaves in this light hour.

And your throne, it will be cleared,  
And hear the crowd, oh how they cheered.

As your son, he took the crown,  
And his wife, in a wedding gown.

She bore no noble class or wealth,  
And the new king's servant, who'd lived in stealth.

Golden magic flew from his eyes,  
And though you'd wished for his demise.

It was not your command to make,  
And free he stood, make no mistake.

Loyal still, at Arthur's side,  
All thoughts of enemies laid aside.

O, your kingdom, you see the change,  
And, to you, it seems so strange.

And although you think it's just a fling,  
The people cry, 'long live the king'!

* * *

Yaaaay! Oh, I'm tearing up, it's so emotional! Ooh, next week's poem is very exciting - we try out a new structure of poem, rather than just the two rhyming lines!

Well, hopefully it's not too hard to guess who that was about! (Hint, there's a clue in the name!) Don't forget to review, and tell us what you thought!

See you around, lovely people! :)


	3. These Castle Walls

Did you get last week's then? What's that you're saying? "Durr, it was Uther!" Yes, indeedy, it was our beloved king – **Uther Pendragon**! Woop woop! Not that the, erm, title gave it away or anything… Kudos to Catherine for that one, remember? ;)

Yep, so… I know this is quite late, but technically if it's uploaded before midnight on Wednesday, it COUNTS as within the week still! Yey, I love loopholes! Sorry about the lateness, I got my days mixed up because the whole week so far has been one big snowday! Woo! And, I (believe it or not) actually have a life! So booyah, it still counts and you can't criticise me! *punches air in triumph*

Ok, ok, this week's… Written by Catherine and myself one sleepy History lesson. Wait, who am I kidding? Every history lesson is sleepy! Oh no, you don't know the news! Bad news guys, but I got moved seats in History (prime poem writing time!) because our evil teacher – let's just call her Mrs. Oxtail-Soup (haha, in-joke) – finally became responsible (how dare she?) and doesn't approve of our poetry writing (even if we were writing her a special poem about Glencoe – so unfair!)… So the poetry has come to an actual standstill, but never fear! We do have a store of poems that'll last us a few weeks, during which we will try to win her round, promise!

Anyway, back to this week's poem. You can't tell who it's about by the title (mwahaha!) but as aforementioned many, many, many times – if you're a TRUE FAN you'll get it! Enjoy! ;)

- Eleanor

* * *

**These Castle Walls**

If something evil is afoot  
And Camelot's in danger,  
The King and all his loyal men  
Search only for a stranger.

But deep within the castle walls  
Perched calmly on her throne,  
A spy is hidden in our midst  
Whose evil is unknown.

One is never spared a glance  
As trouble brews outside,  
But if you'd only look her way  
That smirk is hard to hide.

For it is clear upon her face  
The coldness in her heart,  
Her soul, corrupt, is ever changed  
From sister's side she'll never part.

But there are some who know the truth  
Her loyalties lie elsewhere,  
These castle walls are closing in  
Enemies of the crown beware.

So you can play your little game  
With those I could not save,  
But mark my words, I hereby vow  
These castle walls will be your grave.

* * *

Ooooooooh, dark and meaningful. Watch out, er, character this poem is about. Haha, nearly told you there!

We love feedback so please take a little time to tell us what you thought of our whimsical poetry of doooooooom! See you next week!

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	4. A Knightless Night

Hello, it's that time of week again! Yep, instalment number… wow, we're up to number four already!

**EDIT:** Sorry guys, noobasaurus alert, but I forgot in my rambly author's note (in my excitement to upload our poem and share it with the world!) to mention who last week's poem was about! Well... 'twas the princess of darkness herself - **MORGANA**!

Remember what I said last week about the slight crisis on the poem-writing front? Well, Mrs Oxtail-Soup let me and Catherine sit next to each other for a WHOLE DOUBLE PERIOD today! (although _someone _nearly sabotaged that, the little cretin... *murderous muttering*) But anyways...this is progress, people! There was no actual poem-writing today, but we were sucking up to Mrs O-S shamelessly so that she won't (fingers crossed) move me again! I'll keep you posted! Catherine also wrote a poem all by herself, and we have finished editing it, and it is _amazing_, but I'm afraid you're just going to have to wait, faithful fans!

Now, to the poem at hand, this was written about a certain character a few weeks ago when this character wasn't really around, as you'll see from the poem! But he, erm, returned… (with quite a 'boom' really!) so the poem doesn't really make much sense any more… Just bear with us – we're showing that we cared about his disappearance! I'm just trying to look at it from a fresh reader's perspective – I hope it isn't too hard for you to guess, we haven't given you much to go on, really. Oh well, TRUE FANS step forward! Enjoy! ;)

- Eleanor

* * *

**A Knightless Night** (by Catherine and Eleanor)

In Camelot there is no nobler man  
Who's humble and polite,  
He wears his battle scars with pride  
What happened to our favourite knight?

Happy being second-best  
Always out of sight,  
But you're the silent hero  
What happened to our favourite knight?

He helped the king and prince alike  
Stood simply for what's right  
But nameless faces can't compare  
What happened to our favourite knight?

He warned us of a many foe  
The darkness came to light  
But the shadows took him prisoner  
What happened to our favourite knight?

His interruptions always prompt  
They do prevent a fight  
But who's the voice of reason now?  
What happened to our favourite knight?

One episode you left us  
You gave us quite a fright,  
We miss your quiet presence  
What happened to our favourite knight?

The castle halls are silent  
The moon shines bright tonight  
But now we all lie wide awake  
What happened to our favourite knight?

* * *

Woo! He really IS my favourite knight as well! Aside from Uther (does Uther count as a Knight still?) because no one can compare to the almighty, awesome, _angry_ power of Camelot's King! Boo-yah!


	5. Licence to Kink

Hello again! Sorry this is up one day late, it was our Christmas party yesterday so I didn't have enough time to post this as I was, erm, raving and Luna-worshipping with glowsticks with those two I call my friends – Catherine and Simona. You may have heard of them! ;)

Last week's was… Sir Leon! A big apology to all those who guessed Lancelot, among others… Looking back, we see that it was a bit hard to guess. Although you could say we are just keeping you on your toes? But this week's is a bit easier, we promise!

Said poem was written by Catherine and I, again in a History lesson. And I apologise, on that front. I have been moved back probably permanently (sob), but Mrs O-S leaves early most of the time so I move back and we do some hardcore poetry writing! We have produced a few new poems in the last week or so, so things are definitely looking up, people! Have faith!

- Eleanor

* * *

**Licence to Kink** (by Catherine and Eleanor)

One minute yes, and one minute no,

"We can't be together" then you're ready to go.

You can't make up your mind to choose one guy,

You're just scared of saying goodbye.

They're all good-looking, and they all love you,

But Uther interrupted your rendezvous!

You slowed down with the prince but no need to fear,

Whenever one leaves, more will appear.

"Be careful" you warn them, again and again,

But they aren't little boys any more, they're men.

They know which way to hold a sword,

Your pathetic advice is just ignored.

If you're so handy in a fight,

Why hide behind loverboy knight?

So-called daughter of a smith,

I wonder what happens at the end of this myth?

Oh, wait, I remember now,

You undertake a sacred vow.

But matrimony's not for you,

It was too hard to just stay true.

Another knight your fancy took,

Your marriage betrayed in just one look.

You silly girl, have you no shame?

You think that love is just a game.

We've got a name that suits you more,

It starts with 'w' and ends in 'ore'.

It's rather catchy, don't you think?

You're the girl with a licence to kink!

* * *

Haha, boo-yah! I love the last verse! It's so romantic and pretty, and... who am I kidding? I just like the hidden insult!

Until next week, loyal fans and also randoms who have just stumbled across this by accident and never plan to view this page ever again... Cold...


	6. Bruce Almighty

**Disclaimer:** _We use the title "Bruce Almighty" and two other lines within the poem that refer to the film and actors in "Bruce Almighty" but we take no credit for the film/actors or any references to it not already mentioned. _

_And do I have to re-mention that we _**still**_ don't own Merlin or any of its characters? Despite our awesome world-domination plan that will shortly take place... Mwahahaha!_

* * *

Hello all, happy, er… Friday… That's Christmas Eve! Yes, I know! I'm sorry! So very, very sorry! So very, very, very, very sorry! It's the school holidays and I was doing many endless chores on Wednesday and my boyfriend came round yesterday and I only checked my email today to find Catherine (loyal, loyal Catherine...) had emailed me asking where the hell this week's poem was! I'm sorry – I have failed you all! My puny excuses are worthless when it means I have disappointed people who take time out from _their_ busy lives to read our poems!

Well last week's was… yup, saucy **Gwen**. "I too, know the temptations of serving girls" Oh yeah, Uther, get it oooon! ;)

Well, I'll go have a cry in the corner cus I feel so bad for abandoning you guys, but not until I have _finally_ uploaded this poem. Twas written by Catherine when she was snowed in. And twas tweaked (haha) by me when she finally managed to get back into school. Enjoy! I hope it was well worth the wait!

- Eleanor

* * *

**Bruce Almighty **(by Catherine)

You're the weirdest of the lot,  
And that's not an easy task.  
So what the hell is wrong with you?  
You know I have to ask.

Never good, yet not quite bad,  
You're somewhere in the middle.  
And maybe I would like you more,  
If you ceased with all the riddles.

They never make the slightest sense,  
Although you think they're great.  
But poor wee Merlin gets confused,  
Please simply say it straight.

"Yes, he's evil" or, "No, he's not,"  
A simple choice to make,  
But instead you have to make it hard,  
And see all our heads ache.

Sure, you're pretty pissed at life,  
Things haven't gone so well.  
Yes, you're trapped, at Uther's hand,  
Why don't you use a spell?

You say you're wiser than us all,  
Your prophecies of doom.  
And yet you walked into a trap,  
At least the cave's got room.

Born many centuries ago,  
You've really seen it all.  
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt,  
I bet the size is too small.

You whisper words like 'destiny',  
And never seem to stop  
But if there's two sides to the coin,  
Which side will come out top?

But young Pendragon is your hope,  
The saviour of your kin.  
But, when freed, you just went wild,  
And simply tried to kill him.

You wish you had the power,  
Like Jim Carrey on the screen.  
But now your words are useless,  
Merlin's gone and stole the scene.

So while you may have freedom,  
And you will not get so bored.  
You can no longer trick my friend,  
'Cause he's a Dragon Lord.

* * *

Booyah! Yeah! Wonder who this week's could be! Leave us a comment with your thoughts!

And, blame Mrs O-S for this, but next week's poem is actually our last poem that we have in stock... We're going to have to write more poems... and quickly! And do you know how hard writing poetry over MSN is? Very! Oh dear... Never fear, fans! We will not let you down... again... (it was all purely ME that let you down this week though - don't blame Catherine or Simona)! See you next week! The beginning of the end?


	7. Ouch

…I'm sorry, I am aware that this is Thursday! What can I say, it's the holidays! Christmas and New Year so close together are melting my brains!

Aaaaaahhh the printer is printing something so energetically the whole computer is jiggling around and I feel seasick trying to type! :S

And last week's waaaaaaaas… **Kilgharrah, or the Great Dragon**! Woo! I hope you liked! This week's is another Catherine special that I have absolutely no claim over! As you may be able to tell, it was written after the last episode so it may be easier for some of you to guess? I suppose we'll have to wait and see. I won't keep you any longer – enjoy!

- Eleanor

* * *

**Ouch. **(by Catherine)

That looked painful  
I won't lie  
When you crashed onto the floor.  
But don't you think  
Just a little bit  
You shouldn't have declared a war?

Your plan was rubbish  
Face the truth  
It was always set to fail.  
You hid the cup  
Where all could see  
All your guards to no avail.

Queen of sneaking  
In the night  
You whisper down the hall.  
Yet no one hears it  
But your spy  
Who plans King Uther's fall.

You kill your allies  
Like they're flies  
As soon as you get bored.  
You have magic  
Yet we find  
You're handy with a sword.

Your great one liners  
Innuendo  
Followed every word.  
But it was ruined  
When you ordered  
The death of your lovebird.

The Kingdom yours  
Or so you thought  
The King was all but dead.  
So Morgy changed  
And got all mean  
"Kill all the knights" she said.

You did not fret  
About the Prince  
A foolish choice to make.  
What was worse  
You didn't know  
The power in the lake.

Now the truth  
It must be said  
It will embarrass you.  
An old man beat you  
Just to save  
The life of his nephew.

So that looked painful  
I won't lie  
When you crashed onto the floor.  
But don't you think  
Just a little bit  
You shouldn't have declared a war?

* * *

Oh, and before I forget - kein Panik about the lack of poetry! We have it all under control, there's plenty more where that came from, Catherine's just whipped up another one and the ones we have written together are now in the final editing stage. We go back to school next week (boo!) so there _should_ (hint, hint Mrs O-S) be some more progress there, but I can't promise anything!

Hope you enjoyed the poem, see you next week! (Hopefully - if I remember this time!)

Peace out!


	8. Puberty in the Time of Dragons

And last week's waaaaaaas… **Morgause! **Thank you to EVERYONE who reviewed! Sorry about not mentioning you other lovely people, my technical incompetence (and possible disbelief that people still want to read our poems?) prevented me from seeing the other reviews until recently, but they were all appreciated, I pinky promise! Thank you people of... the world?

Wow, a poem written by both of us this week! :O Yup, this is a slightly earlier one we wrote when we still sat together *sniffle* but for some reason I didn't put this up earlier… Oh well, what can I say, it's up now (and on time for once!)

Ooh, wow I'm trying something to see if I can set out the poems the way we wrote them... In the verses! I'm not sure if it'll work though. If it does, I'll go back through the whole "Whimsical Poetry of Doom" and change them, so they're easier to understand! (fingers crossed this works)

- Eleanor

* * *

**Puberty in the Time of Dragons **(by Catherine and Eleanor)

Where he came from, nobody knows,  
But trouble follows wherever he goes.  
Innocent looking and small in height,  
You wandered right in and stole the limelight.

You played your part well, we all were fooled,  
But you had issues with those who ruled.  
You think you're evil, but that's not true,  
You're less than the bug on the sole of my shoe.

Your skin is pale – just a bad bloodstream?  
You obviously use moisturising cream.  
You tried for a smirk and, well, it failed,  
Luckily Morgana's got that look nailed.

Your mouth doesn't move but you think out loud,  
If your dad hadn't died, then I'm sure he'd be proud.  
It also helps; you have a sonic scream,  
Don't you think that's just a bit extreme?

Instead of scheming and making up plots,  
Shouldn't you worry about hiding those spots?  
Your voice will break; you'll look a fool,  
But you're always the subject of ridicule.

So, take a break from planning our doom,  
You know you're barely out of the womb.  
Your clothes are small, and your shoe size is three,  
You'll always look just that bit creepy.

* * *

NB - In Britain, size 3 as a shoe size is quite small. Just FYI, cos I don't know the different versions of shoe sizes in America, etc.

Hope you liked it - a fairly easy poem again this week! Happy New Year! See you next week!  
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	9. Forever

Aaaaand last week's was… Hehe, **Mordred** the medieval pubescent! What laughs! In order not to risk offending anyone, I am just going so say thank you for reviewing (if you did, of course) and we would be much obliged if you also took the time to read this lovely little gem of a poem written by our very own Catherine!

Yes, 'tis truly beautiful! But don't just take my word for it – read it yourself, and leave us a review to tell us what you thought! (Not that Catherine's head needs much more inflating)

Good news on the poetry-writing front! Catherine and I have struck a deal with the devil – I mean Mrs O-S – so now we are arranged to move back next to one another after the prelims (mock exams? We no speak Americano…) so it is all good! And to quote Catherine "We've done most of the main characters now so it's getting more interesting cos it's onto the more obscure ones!" But that's not really a clue for this week's… I don't think? Hahaha, confusion! ;)

- Eleanor

* * *

**Forever** (by Catherine)

I was born so far away,  
A land beautiful and green  
And yet to Camelot I was brought  
A fate I could not have foreseen.

I wonder, was this meant to be?  
Why didn't I see sense?  
I thought no repercussions  
When I jumped to self-defence.

Then through the rainstorm, in the night  
They came without a warning  
And found me some sweet shelter  
To bide my time till morning.

How quickly love can blossom  
But how quickly can it end.  
Two lonely hearts united  
With so little time to spend.

These violent delights have violent ends  
And never a saying more true  
For violent ends are painful  
When there's hope for life anew.

The curse no longer carried  
But the burden hard to bear.  
Forever it is with me  
All the guilt and the despair.

Forever I'm indebted  
To the one who holds my heart  
And forever I'll be watching  
My love try to play their part.

I'll be their fallen angel  
I'll be their missing star  
And ever lingering, I will be  
The wound that leaves a scar.

I sometimes dream of golden hills  
And children, strong and clever  
And we're together, hand in hand  
Always and forever.

* * *

Awwwww! I'm getting all emotional! Twas a beautiful poem, in my opinion! But you don't care about my opinion - we want to hear YOUR opinions, so please send them in, we will be very greateful! Til next week, my lovelies!


	10. This Is How We Do It

Hello! As it's that time of the week again, we thought we'd grace you with another poem! Last week's was... **Freya**! Oh, I'm all emotional! It was so bittersweet!

This week's was actually written last week for me by Catherine for my birthday! She's so lovely! But she didn't send it in time for the Wednesday poem, so that was why Freya's went up instead. But better late than never! This one should be quite easy to guess, but I suppose it isn't really a guessing game this week... Yeah... Darn, I always feel so lazy, it doesn't seem to be any of _my_ poetry any more! I have more of an input in the next few ones I think though...

And speaking of poems, no worries about our store of them, by the way! I had a little sort out of them this evening and we still have 5 left, plus two more that Catherine and I are writing at the moment! So though we have exams over the next few weeks, we will still be bringing you kick-ass Merlin poetry! Oh yeaaahhhh!

- Eleanor

* * *

This Is How We Do It (by Catherine)

Put up the royal banners  
And the streamers red and gold  
Let the castle sparkle  
As you walk through the threshold.

And everyone is present  
With a cup of wine in hand  
And everyone's expecting  
For your entrance to be grand.

Then down the stairs you glided  
With a hoe on either side  
No, wait, is that Morgana?  
And Gwen matching your stride?

Is my eyesight faulty?  
This cannot be the truth  
Why can't you simply refuse  
The temptations of the youth?

But both of them are flirting  
Their eyes are beckoning  
They've never felt so wanted  
In the presence of a King.

Oh wait, that is disgusting!  
Morgana is your kid!  
This looks inappropriate  
And Gaius looks livid.

And Gwen was with Prince Arthur  
Or was last time I checked  
But Gwen's the minxy maiden  
Hell, what do you expect?

So now you have your ladies  
And then it's time to eat  
And as this thing gets rowdy  
I must admit defeat.

So go ahead, get wasted  
It's your birthday after all  
But don't hold me responsible  
When Geoffrey starts a brawl.

Good lord, it's the next morning  
And the party's still full flow  
So since I'm last one sober  
I'm watching quite a show.

There's Arthur in the corner  
With Gwen upon his lap  
So Lancelot is moping  
And Gwaine is trying to rap.

Cenred's body popping  
God, his leather suit is tight  
And skulking there is Mordred  
With a copy of Twilight.

So Gaius is unconscious  
But that's no big surprise  
And Morgana's being kinky  
Surrounded by the guys.

Morgause is happy mingling  
Wait, who invited her?  
I thought she was a baddie  
Yet she's hard on the liquor.

And as for mighty Uther  
I've been sworn not to speak  
But let's just say, I'm sure he'll have  
Hangovers for a week.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed - til next week, FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT!  
xxxxxxxxxxx


	11. Shared Enemies

Hi, first off an apology for last week's! From now on, I will write who the point of view is from, but that is SEPARATE to who the poem is about, most weeks… Anyway, it was from Merlin's point of view, but about **Uther**. Mainly. It's just because we have this thing… We're all characters off Merlin. In our heads of course… Anyway, Catherine is Merlin, Simona is Gaius, and I am Uther. So that was why my birthday poem was about Uther 'going on a randy' as my Standard Grade History textbook once told me… Yeah. I did try to warn you. Not very well though, and for that I apologise…

And sorry this is only up today, we have exams at school at the moment and I was revising for Biology like craaaazy yesterday. But the other two also failed to remind me (not that it's their fault!) so that shows how intense these exams are, man! ;) That is also the reason why my replies to your reviews may take a while... Real sorry guys, please keep reviewing though, and I'll get back to you at some point! :D

This week's is one of MY poems! Yaaaaaaay! Finally I get to contribute properly again! :D As of our new format, this week's is from the point of view (POV) of me and Catherine, or the viewer in general I suppose. There shouldn't be any confusion like last week, but better safe than sorry! ;)

-Eleanor

* * *

Shared Enemies (by Eleanor)

We'd never heard of you before  
Until you did appear  
Your very un-medieval haircut  
And a grin from ear to ear.

You wandered in, a silent ghost  
But later served your part.  
You saved the gang in time of need  
Winning a place in Arthur's heart.

You pushed some rocks in such a plot,  
Some soldiers then to hinder.  
Your strength you gathered as you toiled  
And your eyes burned as cinders.

You were welcomed into Camelot's crew  
Most famed of all the land  
Yet we'd never seen or heard of you  
Before you joined Arthur's band.

But soon enough you won their trust  
Through good friend Lancelot.  
And of course that help you gave them  
Getting out of a tricky spot.

You won a seat at the Round Table  
On Lancelot's right side,  
The man who claimed he'd "picked you up"  
I'm pretty sure he lied…

Fashion statement of the year,  
You're far too butch for sleeves.  
But that you'll regret when summer's past  
As chilly forests shed their leaves.

You like to act the hard man,  
But we all saw through your act  
A simple deed of kindness  
You gave Gaius a drink – fact!

Fifth to volunteer yourself  
For Arthur's desperate cause,  
You showed great strength and sacrifice  
Give the man a round of applause!

"Your enemies are _my_ enemies"  
You told the almost king.  
You needed no better reason  
Foes would feel your bitter sting.

To die for a man you'd never met  
Before that fateful day.  
A choice that you were glad to make,  
From Arty's side you wouldn't stray.

So though we may not know you  
And you're still a mystery  
It is known for definite  
There's more for you than Season 3!

* * *

Yaaaaaaay poetry! Until next week, lovelies! :D  



	12. A Punch and a Pint

Lasty week's poem? Why, 'twas our dear new friend **Percival**! As ALL of you very clever lovely people guessed! Everyone give yourselves a cookie! :D Welcome to friends both new and old, I hope we live up to expectations!

We have struck a bargain with the dev- I mean, Mrs O-S, so after our prelim exam-y things are over we are allowed to sit next to each other! That means that not this Friday, but next Friday, will be our official reunion! Yaaay, it was so worth sacrificing our souls to eternal torment in a fiery pit for you guys… ;)

To our dear American friends – happy Groundhog Day! I'm not sure why you celebrate the existence of a small rodent (?) but sure! Us haggis-eaters (well, except Catherine the vegetarian who we shall just call the Quorn-eater!) have no objections to random, spontaneous holidays (such as the ROYAL WEDDING! :O YES! WE NEED TICKETS CATHERINE!) And if there are any Chinese fans in our midst, happy New Year tomorrow! :D (I hope that's all the current world holidays…If not, blame my calendar! :P)

A word of warning, this week's poem is one we both hate, hate, hate! We've spent aaaages writing it because it was so darn frustrating, but we couldn't leave the character out, because, you just can't… (I hope that's not giving away any hints!) It's short, because we just couldn't bear to write any more, but we decided to post it today to get it out of the way once and for all! Sorry for forcing this terrible poem upon you guys, you really do deserve better. But we have recently been working on something **awesome **with the third fortheloveofcamelot-ette, Simona! You will just have to wait and see… Mwahahaha!

POV = us/the audience

- Eleanor

* * *

A Punch and a Pint (by Catherine and Eleanor)

Merlin's friend from the Emerald Isle  
With a kooky accent to match.  
And though you always get into fights,  
You escape with barely a scratch.

Not exactly without fault,  
You need your daily ale.  
You'll drink deep from any flagon,  
But I wouldn't touch that Holy Grail!

You didn't want to be a knight,  
To yourself you were true.  
But now you are delighted  
To be part of Arthur's crew.

And did I mention the fighting?  
You get into a fair few brawls.  
Some you win and some you lose,  
But for you the next town calls.

Morgana's reign you did end,  
You helped to save the day.  
But we know what you really did,  
You whistled and ran away.

But you've always been loyal,  
You handsome devil, you!  
And if you're a drunk, who are we to judge?  
Ladies – form an orderly queue!

* * *

Once again - I apologise! I will go and cry in a corner now because I feel terrible for inflicting this pain on you guys!  
Til next week, when I promise to upload a better poem! FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT! *rawr*  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


	13. Basic Training 101

Last week's poem was **Gwaine**. The Irish one. Strength. Whatever you want to call him. Yaaay, sorry this updated version of the AN is only just up. I really shouldn't make promises I can't keep! :( Really sorry guys, I'll make it up to you in just a sec!

This (much longer poem than last week's poem) was written by me and Catherine. It's a bit more 'collective' than the others have been so far… I hope that helps... Hint hint! ;)

POV: Arthur Pendragon (he's the narrator)

* * *

Basic Training 101 (by Catherine and Eleanor)

I speak not to one, but to all,  
So listen very hard  
There's basic facts you all should know  
Don't treat it with disregard.

First and foremost, before your shift,  
Please always take a snooze.  
I'm sick of finding you asleep,  
From drinking all the booze.

Because this may shock you – pretty girls  
Aren't always what they seem.  
Accepting gifts from strangers  
Is all part of their big scheme.

In fact, now I think on it,  
Who's not escaped the cells?  
Prisoners walk out when they please  
Just like it's a motel.

Rule number two is all about  
Using your two eyes.  
You never look the other way  
When searching for those spies.

Does looking in the giant cupboard  
Never cross your mind?  
Or behind those creepy pillars?  
No. The bad guys think you're blind.

Great news for them, but for us not,  
We can't catch a single man,  
At least it means more episodes  
When the baddie's free to plan.

Now listen up, rule number three,  
Most important of the lot  
Don't forget, you do your job  
For the love of Camelot!

You shouldn't flee in the face of death,  
Or when all things seem grim.  
You should fight despite the fact  
You may have lost a limb.

And if you die whilst on the job,  
Don't worry, please don't fret,  
Except if you've got a wife and kids,  
You'll be leaving them in debt.

But you'll have done your duty  
You'll have served your kin and king,  
A battle hero, through and through,  
The enemy will feel your sting.

So I hope this pep talk's managed,  
To lift your spirits high,  
Lecture's over – now get back to work!  
And don't let any escapees slip by!

* * *

FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT! Love you, lovelies! xxxxxxxxx


	14. For the LOVE of Camelot!

Hello! Yes, I am aware of the fact it's Monday. It's also a very special day… **VALENTINE'S DAY**! And as a special treat, we have written 21 little poems to celebrate just a few of the best-loved characters from that tv show we all know and adore. (Hehe, it's so apt that this is chapter 14, released on February 14th!)

Some of them you have to look at very literally, and some require you to think a little bit outside the box. We wrote seven each, and some are harder than others… (Some of Simona's are certainly very cryptic! :P) It will give you a little bit of fun and puzzle your thinkerboxes, seeing as you tend to get it right pretty much all the time!

I will tell you who last week's poem is on Wednesday! But you all appear to have gotten it right… And yaaay exams are now over. To everyone, but I suppose particularly Blue Dragon who brought this up – I am a terrible person who barely ever replies to reviews any more. I tend to reply to them when I put up the poem for next week, because otherwise I forget. I am a forgetful person! But patience, young padawans, I will reply eventually, if not immediately!

To reply to these poems guessing which one is who, you can use the numbers that I have handily included down the sides as a key! It may take you a while, but just think of how long it took me to type up! :O

'Til Wednesday, Merlinians!

- Eleanor 3

* * *

For the LOVE of Camelot (by Catherine, Simona and Eleanor)

1) The dragon is yellow  
And the banner is red  
If you'll be my Valentine  
You'll be _my_ dollophead.

2) I can make you forget  
When you're feeling blue  
Darling, just forget her,  
'Cause she's so over you.

3) Rainy-day encounters  
On the Isle of the Blessed  
After destroying Camelot  
Romance'd be our quest.

4) Your hair is shiny  
And your looks are fine  
If you stop that smirking  
You can be my Valentine.

5) You go for blondes  
But you're just her play toy  
Go for me instead,  
You can be my bad boy.

6) Though you're at the stage  
When you're loved by grannies  
Your knowledge and wisdom  
Make _me_ weak at the knees.

7) Magic is golden  
You make my heart ache  
But it's hard to be my Valentine  
At the bottom of a lake.

8) I tempted you 'cause  
You're a beast.  
Come back to my place  
After the feast.

9) Shock and revelations  
In candle's bright glare  
Though dead, you still have  
Immaculate hair.

10) Your humbleness is touching  
Your skin is tanned  
And since today is Valentine's  
You'll be in high demand.

11) You're temperamental  
Like the roaring tide  
And I must be mental  
'Cause I want a ride.

12) Your armour is shiny  
Your eyeliner's black.  
Despite Cenred's flirting,  
You'll be _my_ maniac.

13) Your eyes are like the ocean  
Your hair is like the earth.  
But since you're just a child,  
I must give you a wide berth.

14) Everyone thinks you're good  
'Cause you're a healer  
But have you ever been told  
You're a heart stealer?

15) A virtual stranger,  
To that I'd agree.  
But wouldn't you prefer, to  
Have been "picked up" by me?

16) Hot, rough, strong,  
Though you never think.  
Baby, I'm just hoping  
You'll buy me a drink.

17) Gold is shiny  
As you well know  
So put away your potions  
And be my Romeo.

18) Your skin once was scaly  
Your face once was bruised  
Yes, I love you dearly  
Though you've been abused.

19) You may be quiet,  
But I think you're cool.  
I know you're a knight  
But you're not a tool.

20) Your constant vigilance  
Keeps you in shape.  
But what I love most  
Is your obscenely large…cape.

21) Roses are red,  
Your scarf is blue.  
Forget about destiny  
Because I love you.

* * *

(Wow, that took much longer than expected...)

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! Have fun guessing these, 'til Wednesday! (hopefully)


	15. Jack of All Trades

Hello again! It's nice to speak to you all so soon! The subjects of last week's poem were… **the guards**. Yaaay! Well done, I think you all got that right, which is good (I think)! Give yourselves a cookie each!

So… I have quickly glanced over some of the replies for the Valentine's Day poem, but I haven't marked them yet, so I can't tell you how good/bad they are! I am giving you until next Wednesday, it's only fair. But we will tell you who has got the most right answers as well! (Yes, we _are_ cruel enough to pit our fans against each other in the ultimate Merlin Valentine's Day Poem face-off! Mwahaha!)

Well, this one was written by Catherine and me in, you guessed it, History. Whilst…working… *cough cough* Yeah, this character was actually ok to write about, though we didn't think so at first! And it addresses some important issues. You'll see! And you have Catherine to thank for the little unusual structure, which was fun but annoying to write for!

And now for some shameless 'plugging' of our other big ongoing fic, The Dreamcatcher. (Catherine 'plugged' this fic, so this shout-out is a little reply!) It's like an episode of Merlin, but longer, and written by Catherine, Simona and me! (Yay Simona!) It's updated every Sunday (much more reliably I might add, as Catherine is the moderator for that one) and if it's half as fun to read as it is to write, you should enjoy it! ;)

But back to the Whimsical Poetry of Doom for this week. We at 'fortheloveofcamelot' hope you like it, and that we have more than satisfied your Merlin poetry needs for this week as this, poem number 22 is uploaded! Peace out, people of the world!

- Eleanor

* * *

Jack of all Trades (by Catherine and Eleanor)

We thought you were an extra  
When we saw you first,  
But you enjoyed your puddings, and  
With leg-ache you're now cursed!

We thought you were a guardian  
Of all the secret books,  
Of magic, myth and mystery  
A job that's overlooked.

We thought you were a registrar  
To keep safe all gone by,  
Protecting noble history  
Every truth and every lie.

We thought you were to supervise  
And marry those in love,  
But yet we find priority  
Goes to orders from above.

We thought you were a mentor  
To guide those filled with doubt,  
Yet easily offended when  
The goblin called you stout.

We thought you were a wise old man  
Who to Camelot was true,  
Suffering in silence, but  
You'll get what you are due.

We thought you were a lawyer  
To clear matters of state,  
But if you want a proper job  
You know you'll have to wait.

We thought you were a hobo  
No place to call your own,  
You keep a constant vigil  
But you always sleep alone.

We thought you were a loner  
But now it all seems clear,  
That you just want some company  
Yet nobody comes near.

We thought you were disgruntled  
When Merlin came to whine,  
But we know in all honesty  
It makes your whole day shine.

So do you see our crisis?  
You're jack of all the trades,  
But one thing's clear for certain  
We know you're here to stay.

* * *

Yaaaay! We thought we'd give you an easier one this week cos the Valentine's Day shtuff was quite hard! At least, I hope this is easier... Oh well, I'm sure we'll find out by your replies soon enough! :)

Til next week, FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


	16. The Son Is Very Bright

_Disclaimer: I loosely use the L'Oreal motto and Harry Potter references at my own peril without permission. I'm sorry, Big Brother. You can take full credit! I just helped make it rhyme!_

_

* * *

_

Yep, it's Wednesday again! And yep, as most of you appear to think, last week's was **Geoffrey**! Yaaaaay, the man really doesn't get enough credit for all the random jobs he does around the place!

But now it's time for the winners of the imaginatively named "**Merlin Valentine's Day Poem face-off**" competition!

First Place: _Excalibur's Scabbard_ and _Blue Dragon of Rivendell_ tied with 14/21

Second Place: _Galahad_ and _Lilyplusjamesistotallove_ tied with 13/21

Third Place: and _PoisoningPigeonsinthePark_ tied with 12/21

Wow, you _all_ tied in some way or another… That's very suspicious… Or maybe great minds just think alike? Oh well, well done everyone! It was awesome, thanks for taking part! Some were a lot harder than others, so you can see where you went wrong, I've put up a little answer key as well! You can't say I'm not good to you guys! That took foreveeeeeer! I abandoned my history essay for this, so sorry I haven't had time to reply to reviews this time. I'll try before next week, if I remember, but I can't promise anything! But please keep reviewing! We love it! :D

ANSWERS TO VALENTINES DAY SHTUFF

1) Arthur – Dollophead… Need I say more?  
2) Lancelot – Hehe, I don't think I need to mention _her_ either! Rejection is harsh!  
3) Nimueh – Rain, Isle of the Blessed, destroying Camelot, etc.  
4) Morgana – Shiny hair, smirky face.  
5) Cenred – Unfortunately some play toys get damaged beyond repair…  
6) Geoffrey – His leg hurt, so the whole 'weak at the knees thing'. Plus he's old.  
7) Freya – Swimming with the fishies.  
8) Uther – He's a, erm, beast? I dunno, ask Simona!  
9) Ygraine – Though she's a corpse, she's worth it!  
10) Gwen – Tanned skin, a bit of a *cough cough* popular woman…  
11) Kilgharragh – Dragon riding = awesome.  
12) Morgause – Eyeliner? Check. Armour? Check? Toyboy? Che– Ohhh wait…  
13) Mordred – Kiddywink. And his appearance.  
14) Alice – Stealer of Gaius' heart, you old minx!  
15) Percival – If you'd read our other Percy poem, you would've got this straight away! ;)  
16) Gwaine – And again with the drinking!  
17) Gaius – Reference to gold… No, we will never let him live it down!  
18) Hunith – Scaly, bruised. Is poor Hunith ever _not_ abused?  
19) Elyan – A knight, who's quiet. Not much really to say…  
20) Sir Leon – Anyone catch the innuendo? ;) Leon is a smexy beast!  
21) MERLIN! – If you didn't get that, you should be slapped!

Ok, sorry this AN has now gotten very long! But onwards with this week, no time like the present! Written by Catherine and I one History lesson (do I even need to say that any more?). Oh, which reminds me, we are running out, but more is on the way, so don't worry your pretty little heads about it!  
POV = the audience/Catherine and me.

- Eleanor

The Son Is Very Bright (By Catherine and Eleanor)

No one likes a show-off  
Especially not you.  
But you know we're only joking  
To our hearts we must be true.

'Cause you're so frickin' perfect,  
All the frickin' time.  
We find it hard to fault you,  
Being flawless is your crime.

You have a heavy burden,  
We know it's hard to bear.  
It must be very lonely,  
To be your father's heir.

And if you lived at Hogwarts,  
We know where you would start.  
The house of noble Gryffindor,  
Where dwell the brave at heart.

A medieval sex-god,  
You're way too hot to touch.  
Your naïve little love affair,  
Wishful thinking, much?

A wise old man once told you  
Your friends you do mistreat,  
But beneath all that arrogance  
We know you're very sweet.

And you know we'll forgive you  
For pushing him around  
We know you're only kidding  
If not for him you would have drowned.

Out cold every episode,  
You damsel in distress.  
Yet always headfirst into battle  
Usually with success.

Of all the girls in Camelot,  
You chose the serving maid  
You never cared for consequences  
Of the future you're unafraid.

So Courage, Strength and Magic,  
Is all you really need.  
The only thing that's missing,  
Is a nice cold tankard of mead.

* * *

A nice obvious one to smooth your egos again if you don't think you did as well as you'd hoped in the competition. But hey! Everyone who took part would have won a medal if it was the Olympics, just think of that! :D

Til next week, peace out... FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT!


	17. Undercover Lover

_Disclaimer: The name of this poem is *ahem* coincidentally the name of a song by the band Kids in Glass Houses. No offence to them, or any thievery meant, it just seemed to fit. And the rhymey name is just plain cool. Keep, um, making music and stuff?_

_

* * *

_

Lasty week's poem? Why, twas **Arthur**! As you all guessed! You geniuses/genii, you! ;) We must be going soft!

~ Galahad, seeing as FF doesn't let me reply to you, I'm going to have to reply here. ARTY THE ONE MAN PARTY? That is amazing! So it shall be decreed, Arthur will ever- and furthermore be known as _Arty the One Man Party_. Thank you Zack and Cody for improving our lives! And I'm sure you're amazing too, although I'm not 100% sure cos I've never met you, if I had it might be a bit weird… :P ~

This week's was written by moi, mi, mich! Me, just in case you are completely ignorant of any other languages! ;) Hopefully it's a bit harder, but there are a few good clues in there. Think outside the box!

Technically we have one finished poem left... But don't panic, Catherine is working between two, and we can usually improvise well in a pinch! I nearly forgot about this tonight, so just be lucky you've got this week's!

I'll leave you to it then, 'til next week, peace out! (as I tend to say most weeks, I think!)

POV = Uther Pendragon

- Eleanor

* * *

Undercover Lover (by Eleanor)

Darling, love, you stole my heart  
And other things as well.  
And within a day or two,  
I was under your spell.

Your beauty took me by surprise,  
And wisdom past your years.  
Your whispers and your promises  
Like music to my ears.

But every rose, they have their thorns  
And yours, they stung me deep.  
And now when I remember you,  
I do look back and weep.

Not from love, for that is past  
The spell broke long ago.  
It took me long to realise  
You're less friend, more foe.

I'd loved and lost, in times gone by  
And thought no hope remained.  
So maybe you were my rebound, to  
Get over dear Ygraine.

So although I loved you dearly  
My son lay dead upon the floor.  
And though I sleep alone now  
I will cry for you no more.

I've paid for all my selfish want  
And punishments abound.  
I know now love is not for me,  
I've lost what once was found.

All I wanted was some love,  
A mother for my son.  
But we went our separate ways  
My time for love is done.

We'll never speak of you again,  
I know that much is true,  
But whene'er sweet horse dung wafts on  
The breeze, I will think of you.

* * *

So there you are! Another week gone by, and so on... To use a poetically correct term, enjambement abounds in this poem, cos getting the right amount of syllables in the lines is harder than it looks! ;)

Til next week... FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT!  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


	18. Intro of Darkness

_Disclaimer: I use the Merlin Wiki quote and put my very life in danger in the process... :D I've tried to attach the website as a link, but FF doesn't like that (oops!) You'll just have to Google it (omigosh, that's another disclaimer isn't it?) if you want to see the full article... Sorry folks!_

* * *

It's Wednesday again, folks! And you know what that means? POETRY! (Of the whimsical doom-like variety, of course! Not that there is any _other_ genre of poetry that possibly compares!) But I am completely and utterly biased, so let's just get on with it, shall we?

Last week's was… **Catrina** the troll queen of Camelot! I would describe her myself, but I think Merlin Wiki really sums it up (much better than I could) when they say: _"__She is a disgusting, stinking, farting troll that feasts on rotten fruit and sleeps in a putrid nest."_ Buuuuuuurn!

And reviews for people who I apparently can't reply to: '_A'_, '_Jelly'_, '_asdf'_ and '_Galahad'_, you were all also right! You people just like to be mysterious, I think that's what it is! ;) Well, you got your wish, here I am, mentioning you guys. I hope you're happy!

Well, I had absolutely nothing to do with this poem. Nada. It was supposedly written in Maths. I say this because I don't know for certain, because, oh I don't know… I didn't take maths! Hahahahahahahaha! Fools! Maths, oh that's a good one! Who needs Maths when you can learn Spanish, the _real_ language of love? :P (I apologise if I offend any French people when I say that, but I don't apologise for complimenting any Spaniards out there – ¡Hola!)

Ok, sorry, manic maths versus modern languages rant over. Yes, Catherine wrote this poem, gorgeous poetical (and downright smexy) genius that she be! A little bit harder to guess this week, maybe? We'll see… Hopefully it is at least worth me trying to translate her awful handwriting, grammar and spelling. I kid you not. Terrible. Admittedly, it was a draft, but it's poor Eleanor who has to puzzle it out! It made my thinkerbox hurt! :P

POV = Catherine, the audience, yadda yadda.

- Eleanor

* * *

Intro of Darkness (by Catherine)

Black was the colour of the sky  
The day you came to town.  
The rain that night did not bode well  
As you came to aid the crown.

Black was the colour of your cloak  
That's always on your back.  
An imposing figure you did make  
Cold looks you did not lack.

Black was the colour of your horse  
Who pulled your creepy cart.  
Whose metal bars bode no good will  
You're confident and smart.

Black was the colour of your hat  
That perched upon your head.  
When suspect one escaped the cells  
You switched targets instead.

Black is the colour of your gloves  
You wear on either hand.  
You'll protect the ancient law  
For sorcerers are banned.

Black is the colour of your boots  
That march through busy streets.  
Finding panicking young girls  
Who've seen amazing feats.

Black is the colour of your soul  
A heart as cold as ice.  
Yet your death, it saved our friends  
A final and just price.

* * *

More darkness! Yaaaay, darkness! :D  
Guessed who it is yet? I have! Well, I guessed it at the time, and my suspicions were confirmed (oh yeah baby, fancy schmancy!) shortly after. But you poor folks will have to wait a whole week! Mwahahaha! I'm sure you'll live... Pretty sure...

Til next week, folks, FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT! xxxxxxxxx


	19. Freedom Fighter

Hi all! Nearly forgot about you guys again this week! ;) Sorry! Um… Last week's was **Aredian**, the black-hearted **witchfinder**! Boo! Hiss!

Now for our belated celebration for 100 reviews! (it actually happened last, last week sometime but hey…) Woooooo! Well done _Excalibur's Scabbard_, who graced us with the 100th review! Really inappropriately it was about the wrong chapter, but hey ho, it probably adds to the drama! *random party moment* Would you believe me if I said we invited Merlin and he used his time-travel magic to actually come to the 100th review partay? He does a great robot dance, though robots weren't really invented back then… So maybe he was just in pain or something… :S

Now for my replies to the awkward non-repliables! ;) **Galahad** = correctamundo! As usual... And it's ok, I actually had to Google his name to check the spelling but shh, don't tell anyone! :P **CM** = Aww, you are most welcome! And indeed, welcome, welcome, welcome to the crew! We have jackets! (Well, hoodies… Ok, _a_ hoodie…) And you won't have to wait much longer, as it is now in actual fact Wednesday! And you won't be waiting at all if you're reading this, unless this ever-lengthening author's note is distracting you from it, in which case I'll shut up now and let you get to it! :O** At Least the Lighting Is Good** = Yes, you know me too well - of course it made me laugh! I didn't cry this time though! ;) And, gee, I wonder who you could be… *scowl* Cluttering up my lovely reviews section with your irresistibility! I'll see _you_ at school, you minx! ;)

Is there anything else to add? I can't think of anything off the top of my head… This was written by us both, in History as per usual… Peace off, amigos!

POV = us/the audience

- Eleanor

* * *

Freedom Fighter (by Catherine and Eleanor)

The things you'd do for justice  
Just cannot be ignored.  
You hatched a plan to thwart the scheme  
Of Uther's evil ward.

Although what you did was noble  
You risked your very head.  
We couldn't help but chortle when you  
Loped rather than fled.

All thought you were a stranger  
Too hard to recognise.  
But eager fans who watched from home  
Could see it in your eyes.

You complained of aches and pains  
Right from the very start.  
Yet underneath your sly disguise  
We know you're young at heart.

You spoke in twisted riddles  
Kept them guessing as you went.  
But then it all just went downhill  
To dungeons you were sent.

Your only hope, it rested  
In an ally's tender care.  
A wise choice at first it seemed  
But brought only despair.

Colour-blind's an attribute  
That we could do without.  
His potion-making epic fails  
Left us in great doubt.

Your 'plan' it was a mystery  
To all, including you.  
Although you tried to save the day  
You didn't think it through.

And though you've gone and left our screens  
A part of you remains  
Your face has changed, but you're still here  
Same blood runs through your veins.

We'll miss your careless ranting  
The castle now seems dull.  
Despite your snorts and creepy ways  
You're always beardiful.

* * *

PS: Don't get confused by our little jibe about the person's partner in crime! The answer character we are looking for is the one that most of the poem is about! :) Hope I cleared that up...

Til next week, my lovelies! FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT!  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


	20. Two's Company, Three's A Crowd

Wednesday yet again? Wow, hello! How are you? Good? That's nice.

In case you hadn't guessed, last week's was **Dragoon**. Yup! We figured he is a completely separate person from Merlin, so we are counting him as his own character. Oh yeah, getting complicated enough for you guys yet? ;)

What to say, what to say… We're now onto 125 reviews (as of the typing of this AN) and the 20th chapter! We have come such a long way… *sniff* Oh, I'm getting all emotional… We love you guys, for supporting us all the way! If you guys hadn't reviewed, we probably would've stopped. Probably... I can't guarantee that, but yeah... you guys can now say you contributed to the magic that is whimsical poetry of doooooom! :D

Omigosh, there are no non-repliables! :O That hasn't happened in a while. Galahad is accounted for, under the new name of _BadgerPride79_, but the others must have lives or something. Well, I know Catherine doesn't… It doesn't really seem fair for us to review our own stuff anyway! Especially seeing as this week's is written by Catherine exclusively...

Did you know…? Today is officially 'National Chip and Dip Day!' I didn't. Until I Googled it… It's true though, today we celebrate the humble 'chip and dip' combo. Ohhhhh yeah! Get your Dorito on! (Or whatever else it is in other countries, sorry I am not knowledgeable enough about snack food industries abroad). It's also my parents' wedding anniversary, but that's not as important! :P

POV = Catherine/multiple cast members (just to confuse you even more!)

- Eleanor

* * *

Two's Company, Three's a Crowd (by Catherine)

Merlin thinks you are a friend  
Someone he could trust,  
Boldly stepping into fights  
You helped and never fussed.

Arthur thinks your heart is true  
Deserving knightly boons,  
Aiding his romantic quest  
While dealing with the goons.

Morgana thinks you are a pest  
Just someone in the way,  
So she smirks and plots your doom  
An action so cliché.

Uther truly hates your guts  
A peasant, not a lord!  
Yet Arthur insists evermore  
Which cannot be ignored.

Gwaine thinks you have got his back  
You're both in the same boat.  
Fighting well has made you rich  
So now you both can gloat.

Gwen thinks that you're hard to trust  
Always running off  
Too "busy" always for your kin?  
Cue sarcastic cough.

Lancelot thinks so many things  
He really loves to brood.  
And yet you've hardly ever talked  
Which I think's rather rude.

And as for me, it's hard to say  
Cause you're such a mystery.  
Arthur and Merlin still are my boys  
And there's no room for three.

* * *

Aww, another lovely Catherine classic! She does love Arthur and Merlin though, she named her unborn mutant twin 'babies' after them. But that's a story for another time...

Until next week, FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT!  
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


	21. Flesh and Fire

Well, it appears, once again, to be Wednesday! Despite the fact I keep thinking it's Thursday… Yup, everyone seemed to come to the correct conclusion (eventually!) – that last week's poem was in fact about **Elyan**!

Non-repliable reviewy people of awkwardness, have it your way! I will put up a reply for all the world to see! **Jelly:** It _was_ Elyan! Well done! And I don't know! I'm sorry, write to the scriptwriters to complain! :O I am only one poor poet! **BadgerPride79:** Apparently you have disabled the PM feature, so I can't reply to your reviews via PM. Um, so… We're back to the start! :P and I have a sneaky suspicion that you are in fact… **Blankity Mysterious Person with No Name: **Haha, Merlin doesn't cramp style – he _is_ the style, man! I mean, check out the neckerchief and shirt primary colour combo he is rocking! (and yes, as you can probably read above, it was Elyan!)

Interesting day… of the day… time! Today is apparently "Take a walk in the park" day! How cool is that? I would tell you to all go take a walk in the park, but in my time zone that isn't really possible, seeing as it's dark. But go ahead, if you want! And just, FYI, tomorrow is officially "Bunsen Burner" day! Haha! I love it! :P

Ok… This week's poem was finally finished by me, after much help from Catherine. Her Merlin knowledge really is very extensive. Some would say obsessive… Yeah, I was going to do some research but I never did, all the info I got was from Catherine! My Informationsquelle! (source of information) And I suppose I haven't had one up for a while. Catherine's written one already for next week, which is really, really good, but you'll have to settle for mine just now!

POV = us/the audience

- Eleanor

* * *

Flesh and Fire (by Eleanor)

A solemn crowd is gathered there  
Tears mix with flesh and fire  
As you sleep amidst the flames  
Upon your funeral pyre.

A lonely son – a father lost  
Who served his country well.  
An interwoven fate it seemed,  
You both in battle fell.

You never liked the royal guest  
Who came to save your town.  
But you died to save his life  
So he could wear the crown.

A welcoming you gave your friend  
With jokes and jests galore  
But of his brave companion, well  
You thought he was a bore.

He'd left you for a better life  
Amid the royal crew.  
Though morally he's better than  
Those whose blood is blue.

Enough of him and back to you  
Your floppy boyish ways.  
Even more mischievous than  
You were in younger days.

But happiness was not to last  
As harsh words were exchanged  
And friendship was put to the test  
When battle was arranged.

You left him all alone, but then  
You had a change of heart.  
Returning quick to save the day  
From him you could not part.

But the worst was yet to come  
Though friendship was restored.  
You bravely took a 'bullet' for  
The life of his dear lord.

His secret died upon your lips  
The fault, you claimed was yours.  
A final, selfless, desperate deed  
Your lie his life ensures.

A solemn crowd is gathered there  
Tears mix with flesh and fire.  
As you sleep amidst the flames  
Upon your funeral pyre.

* * *

Sniffles...  
Until next week, it's a happier poem, I promise!  
FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT! xxxxxxxxxxx


	22. Bohemian Rhapsody

Disclaimer: _The title 'Bohemian Rhapsody' and my reference to it during the AN refers to a song by Queen. Twas not of our invention at all, Queen should take all the credit because, let's face it, anyone who can put words like "bismillah" and "scaramouche" in a song are genii who deserve credit for that anyways!_

* * *

Ahhhhh! Must…get…this…up…before…Thursday! Ok, hopefully I did it. In my time zone, anyway, so don't get too technical about it! :P

Ok, hi, sorry I am speed-typing to try and get this all up, cos I only just remembered! As everyone who guessed…um, guessed correctly, last week's poem was **Will**. Poor, poor Will… :'(

Today is apparently "Plan Your Own Epitaph" Day… Do I really have to comment on that? Wow, it's so deep. But can you imagine it? You could get away with saying anything! You would truly get the last laugh with that! :P

This week's poem was written by the poetical and whimsical Catherine. So naturally, it must be posted here, in the Whimsical Poetry of Doom corner of Fan Fiction! :) It's a (typically of Catherine) hilarious poem, and I have expressly been told to tell you guys that its original name was "Shut up and Die" before she decided on "Bohemian Rhapsody" because the Queen song also serves to explain the emotions on display here! You'll see…

POV = Merlin

- Eleanor

* * *

Bohemian Rhapsody (by Catherine)

For the love of Camelot  
There's something I must say  
You aggravate me more and more  
With every passing day.

You ordered me to leave your home  
I did reluctantly  
But now I'm happy in this town  
Can't you leave me be?

No sooner than I'd made my bed  
Than you were back again  
It seems the village cannot function  
Without some magic men.

Your face was like a blackberry  
It's clear you had been hit  
And you told _me_ to be careful  
You total hypocrite.

So down the road I made my way  
Back to the very start  
And my friends they followed me  
And proved they're true of heart.

So finally we reached our stop  
The village was a state  
Its inhabitants were getting mad  
Which really wasn't great.

You told me to be careful, I  
Tried not to roll my eyes  
For putting up with your whining  
I deserve a prize.

After the epic battle raged  
The pyre brightly burned  
You cast me out your house again  
Your face so unconcerned.

Then back in the great city  
Things started to go wrong  
I made a deadly bargain  
To protect where I belong.

My hearing must be slightly bad  
For I misunderstood  
The bargain I agreed to  
Didn't work out as it should.

That night I was not sleeping  
I thought my end was near  
But that very next morning  
Once more you did appear.

Your face was more disturbing  
Than I had ever seen  
It seems your life's more precious  
Than mine had ever been.

So now I had to save you  
But before I got the chance  
Someone jumped to save you  
Without a second glance.

Now him I had to rescue  
From an evil witch of doom  
We had a magic battle and  
Her body went ka-boom!

Your skin went back to normal  
And recovery was swift  
Your life had been saved once again  
Thanks to my magic gift.

So now that's twice I've saved you  
Within a single year  
Next time your life's in danger  
You're on your own, my dear.

I'm no longer going to help you  
Just because I can  
Instead of always whining  
Just find yourself a man.

* * *

I am also under instruction to write the following as a sort of epilogue. It makes sense if you've seen the commentary on the episode...

Since that's done and dusted now  
LOOK OUT FOR THAT CROSSBOW - POW!

* * *

Yep, that appears to be it for another week! Well, until the 13th, my lovely fanfictionfanpeople! :)

FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT!


	23. The Sleepwalker

Specifically for _Autumne255_'s benefit, because I was so darn impressed:  
**INTRO OF DARKNESS, THEN REDNESS, THEN WHITENESS!**

Gooooood Wednesday (Well, technically Thursday by the time I put this up but oh well…) I refuse to feel bad about it because I only just finished writing this poem! You are lucky you are even getting one this week! :O

But I'm getting ahead of myself! Last week's was… **Hunith**! Haha, Merlin having a little rage at his mother – it's so Catherine! ;)

As I was saying before I rudely interrupted myself, it got to late o'clock this evening before I remembered that a) it was a Wednesday and b) we had no poems left in storage. At all. So it took me two hours to write this little hectic not-very-good-or-polished/perfected poem, so pleeeeeease don't be mean! It was the best I could do!

THE UNREPLIABLE REVIEW - **Littlemissmighty**: Hiya Claire and her anonymous friend, I'm not really sure which one to talk to, so I'll talk to both! :) Welcome to our Whimsical Poetry of Doom! It's so great that you're going to such lengths to read our poems, it's so lovely and heartwarming and inspiring! And you pick out 'best bits'? That's so adorable, I feel so privileged! :D You're so so so lovely! WE LOVE NEWBIES! :D Yes, you were right, it was Merlin's mum - Hunith - for last week! Well done! CORRECT ANSWER FIRST TIME - BONUS! Yaaaaaaaay! Oh, that's made me so happy! Welcome to the club, and we hope you may return to possibly read more of our poetry as it is written, but usually we are more organised than we are this week, don't worry! ;)

POV = us/the audience

- Eleanor the sleepy

* * *

The Sleepwalker (by Eleanor)

The saga had not yet begun  
'Ere plans were put in place  
And though at first twas hard to see  
Evil lurked behind that face.

As you in your tent prepared  
To visit Camelot  
A magic woman cut you down  
And places with you swapped.

Twenty years of magic slain  
Uther's celebrations  
Were perfect chance for you to try to  
Curse him with damnation.

The serving boy he saw your doll  
While snooping round your room  
But you caught him at it, thus your  
Innocence you resumed.

An eye for an eye is what you  
said, Sons are dear indeed  
And as for Uther's, well you swore  
That his would surely bleed.

For yours was killed on Uther's watch  
Cos sorcery is banned  
And since he took your son from you  
Arthur's demise you planned.

Though at first glance, young you seemed  
She saw your reflection  
Magic wasn't quite enough  
To hide your dull complexion.

So you took her simple life  
Necessary, of course  
You watched her die and shed no tears  
For you felt no remorse.

Her corpse lay cold upon the ground  
You were decked in splendour  
As you walked to seal the fate, of  
Uther, the offender.

You sang a lullaby it seemed  
For all were soon asleep  
All went dark and cobwebs grew  
Except on one black sheep.

He saw your eyes upon the prize  
The dagger you withdrew  
And you failed to see the light  
Until it fell on you.

The spell was broken, people stirred  
The king saw your old face  
And all was lost, it seemed your plan  
Had gone down in disgrace.

Your death was near, your only chance  
To throw the dagger long  
But Merlin saved the prince again  
And thus ended your song.

But though you were an evil crone  
We saw your point of view  
A tyrant showed us loud and clear  
The lengths a mother'll go to.

A mother's love is not for show  
You proved that well this week  
And though you tried your best revenge  
You joined him in your sleep.

* * *

Phew! Well, there you go, loyal Merliners! It's not much, but it is the best I can do on such short notice, I apologise!  
Until next week, FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT! :)

*Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo* SUBSCRIBE! I mean, REVIEW! ;)


	24. Stumbling Through Stanzas

Can this be? Is it Wednesday? And I'm uploading a poem before midnight? :O

And the subject of last week's poem was… **Lady Helen/Mary Collins**! It was originally supposed to be Lady Helen, but we only see the _real_ her for like 2 minutes, so there wasn't much of a potential poem there! Plus, once I reread the finished poem I decided it made more sense if it was just both! You know what I mean; they're essentially one and the same! :D Mix them together and what have you got? Bibbety bobbity boo! ;)

THE UNREPLIABLE REVIEWS- **Jelly:** It is quite alright! Don't worry your gelatin-moulded head about it! :D And yes, you are correct as per usualmente! And FYI, we LOVE the insane people! They're the people who make the plots even more interesting! Which is harder at some times than others, the show is pretty random, and already pretty interesting! ;) **BadgerPride79:** Yes, you're also right. (All these people are always right; you'd think they'd get bored after a while but nooooo!) ;) It is quite alright. Life is full of stuff that needs doing, and also stuff that doesn't need doing, but tends to be done before the other stuff anyway…

Anyway, this week's poem is written by our lovely club mascot Catherine! It's an adorable little poem that makes me smile both inside and out! :) Although she does get a little jibe/boast/showing-off about her riding skills in there, I'll just let you find it, not that it's hard to find! :P

POV = Catherine

- Eleanor

* * *

**Stumbling Through Stanzas **(by Catherine)

You're the girl I'd want to be  
If I came to town  
Except a fair few faults you have  
Which really drag you down.

First and foremost, there's an issue  
With your social grace  
But I expect you've had enough  
Of people on your case.

But the fact you cannot walk  
Across an even floor  
Makes it look just like your drunk  
Your poise can't be restored.

Then again, normality  
You've never had since birth  
And ever since, you're plagued with dreams  
From men who look like smurfs.

But if you look past all the faults  
Again I must repeat  
You're the girl I'd want to be  
Despite your two left feet.

Riding skills beyond compare  
Except perhaps to mine  
Boldly charging with your steed  
Not wasting any time.

Too innocent for your own good  
Too humble for a queen  
Yet you're the strangest, toughest girl  
That Camelot has seen.

One thing I feel I must question  
That really makes no sense  
Is why you were unwilling for  
A marriage to commence?

The man your Father had chosen  
To stand strong at your side  
Is so perfect, if I were you  
I probably would have cried.

In the end you parted ways  
Your dignity both kept  
But if you find a man like that  
Next time, dear God, accept!

* * *

I hope that satisfies your Whimsical Poetry of Doom cravings for this week! Til next week...  
FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT!


	25. Lost and Found

_ Disclaimer: Sorry, J.K, for the Harry Potter reference! We all know you wrote the books really!_

* * *

Hrmm, it appears it will be a race to see if I can put this all up before midnight… But hiya people! It appears to be Wednesday again! And you wanna know who last week's poem was about? I'm not sure if I should even be telling you guys, you tend to get it anyway! It was… **Elena**! The changeling princess who also happened to be Harriet off 'Wild Child'. Hehe, yes, _of course_ that movie encapsulates British life… :P

It's the 25th Whimsical Poem of Doom! Woohoo! And at the time of typing this, there were 181 reviews, which is just adorable! :) Oh, oh, I did some maths (eep) and worked out that if we upload a poem for every character on our list (yep, we're _that_ organised!) we should have enough poems to last us til… 21st SEPTEMBER! :O Whoa! We ain't a one-week stand kinda poetry group, though we may sometimes be a day out… Um, FYI, you repliable review people, I am going to leave replying to you guys til tomorrow cos I am utterly cream-crackered and must sleep, or I will be a zombie and eat Catherine's brain, which would be a shame because we need it for poetry and shizz. Although I'm sure it's a very juicy brain. Mmm... brainssss...

THE UNREPLIABLE REVIEWS – **Jelly: **Yaaaay, you were right again! Elena! And adorable awkward huggles are always the best! And I agree, Elena was so lovely and sweet! Aww, I miss her and her little random ways! **Littlemissmighty: **Claire, I'm really sorry to hear about your hamster! That's so sad! :( But from the sounds of your incredibly long review (LONGEST REVIEW EVER – BONUS) you liked the poem! Which is always a good sign! Although disease isn't… Get well soon, anonymous paranoid amigo/a of Claire!

Guess what day it is on Friday? It's only THE ROYAL WEDDING! As in, William and Kate! :O Me and Catherine are so excited, we started screaming at a cardboard cut-out of them! Royal Wedding Breakfast party, anyone? ;) Haha, us Brits! Anyway, I just thought they should get a mention. We should campaign for their first child to have a Merlin-themed name – we could have our own real-life Prince Arthur! Whoa! :O

I wrote this one! And finished writing it about half an hour ago. Heh. At least it's here now, that's all I'll say! Enjoy, hopefully!

POV = us/the audience

- Eleanor

* * *

Lost and Found (by Eleanor)

You wandered into Camelot  
A peasant, what, one more?  
With hidden gifts and magic tricks  
We've heard this tale before.

Travelling from far-off lands  
But going city-bound.  
A point to prove with destiny  
A stranger, lost and found.

Little did our hero know  
The trials that lay ahead.  
The moral battles that would wage  
Within his little head.

He thought he was invisible  
That no one saw his plight.  
So he made a solemn vow  
To stand his ground and fight.

A competition was his quest  
And he wanted to win.  
If any weapon was allowed  
Why not his magic ring?

He saved our favourite character  
From guys we'd met before.  
But he'd become your ally, and  
Your secret he would store.

In your first fight you were the best  
And you had clearly won.  
But Merlin saw you use your gifts  
The spells that you had done.

He warned you – "please, just stop, no more"  
But you could not resist.  
The sweet smell of victory  
Was one you sorely missed.

But next round disaster struck  
Your bully's blood was spilled.  
Your first kill, you swore, your last  
With remorse you were filled.

But guiltiness was not to last  
On power you were drunk.  
And as far as you're concerned  
You were the local hunk.

You felt it was your duty  
To fight for magic-kind  
You and Uther's destinies  
It seemed they were entwined.

And though the warlock warned you  
You failed to heed his call.  
For you were too determined to  
Face Uther in a brawl.

At first it seemed like you would win  
But then apparently not.  
You were perplexed at first, it seemed  
That Merlin you'd forgot.

It seemed the king you could not kill  
Merlin made sure of that.  
Not good enough to win, although  
You'd lost the Dudley fat.

So Uther won the deadly duel  
The fourth time champion.  
But it's ok, his son will bring  
Peace to all Albion.

You said farewell and home you went  
You did not hang around.  
And though you lost, we love you still  
Our hero, lost and found.

* * *

Yep, that's it. Fairly long for one of my poems, but what can I say? I ramble and I rhyme and I hope it gets somewhere... Til next week!  
FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT!


	26. Checkmate

Hello again my lovely… poetry readers! Fellow Merlin fans, and from the sounds of your reviews, a fair few fellow Harry Potter fans in there as well! ;) Yes, last week's was indeed **Gilli**. Woo! Well done, smartlings!

**PUBLIC ANNOUNCEMENT:** Happy birthday **PoisoningPigeonsinthePark**! (Last Friday) On behalf of everyone here at 'fortheloveofcamelot' we hope you had a great day and got lots of presents and got what you wished for! :) We care.

THE UNREPLIABLE REVIEW – (Aww, there's only one of you this week!) Yes, that's you, **Jelly**! Correctamundo! As is the norm! :) Well done. And I agree, every time a Harry Potter character appears in Merlin, it only seems to increase the awesomeness, which is a pretty hard thing to do, as levels are already dangerously high! :P

This week's was written by Catherine. It had been an ongoing poem for quite a while, but it is well worth the wait, trust me! It is awesomely amazing and lots of other positive-sounding adjectives beginning with 'a'! ;) It is also a typical Catherine-style-length...

I also feel obliged to inform you that we aren't really obsessed with the royal wedding. I feel I should stress that fact because Catherine was a bit paranoid that I made us come across as a little bit obsessive about it. But we aren't. Catherine's going to kill me for writing this… Oh well, it merits a Morgana-style smirk.

Although our other major ongoing fanfiction 'The Dreamcatcher' may now be finished, (you can still go check it out though! :P) have no fear – WHIMSICAL POETRY OF DOOM LIVES ON! Until at least 21st September-ish! ;) I did _maths_, people! That's how much I love you guys! Catherine bore witness to my additions, and yet none of you commented on it! And I really, really, _really_ hate maths.

I've tried to do this all a bit earlier tonight so I have more time to think, rather than typing at the speed of peanut butter at half eleven and churning out a terrible AN. So I hope this one is of a slightly better quality than last week's zombie-centric one…

Ok, again, this is by Catherine. Have fun!

POV = the character it's about. Ooh, tricky! I shall give nothing away! :P

- Eleanor

* * *

Checkmate (by Catherine)

Dear diary, I'm so happy  
Touch wood these words stay true  
In Camelot I'm welcome  
And seen of high value.

I'm beautiful and loyal  
And serve an honest king  
My gifts are much respected  
For prosperity they bring.

Dear diary, I've been offered  
To protect this city's reign  
And yet this path requested  
I fear will bring much pain.

I complied with many wishes  
And a child was thus born  
But joy turned into tragedy  
The kingdom paused to mourn.

Dear diary, somehow help me  
The city is in flames  
And everyone I care for  
Confronted by harsh blames.

The physician has betrayed us  
My friends they all lie dead  
And he whom I once trusted  
Watched as their bodies bled.

Dear diary, I now promise  
That tyrant, he will pay  
For all those lives he's shattered  
For a grief he can't convey.

I will seek my vengeance  
But I will bide my time  
And when his son is older  
The moment will be prime.

Dear diary, now's that moment  
I've waited for so long  
While my people are still murdered  
My actions can't be wrong.

The creature I've created  
Will see the city fall  
Disease spread in the water  
Will be the king's downfall.

Dear diary, nothing happened  
The plague didn't reach its peak  
A serving boy with magic  
Just made my curse look weak.

An obstacle is in my way  
And one I must remove  
Our strategies – a chess board  
And it's time to make my move.

Dear diary, I'll be subtle  
A charade to hide my plans  
One drink to kill the warlock  
And strike war between two lands.

But the plant to save him  
Lay within the Prince's sight  
Despite my plans, he found it  
And escaped the spider's bite.

Dear diary, one last attempt  
I've nothing left to try  
The past will be the present  
King's fears faced eye-to-eye.

To fight someone immortal  
Will surely bring his death  
A deadly duel in public  
To witness his last breath.

Dear diary, who'd have known it  
Events I didn't foresee  
A weapon of great power  
Ends my puppet's killing spree.

My opportunities are  
Now running very thin  
But we all know that patience  
Is best won by us women.

Dear diary, what good fortune  
My plan may yet debut  
The prince is gravely injured  
And he may not pull through.

And who should now come visit  
This ancient place of old  
Than the main defier  
Of the future I've foretold.

Dear diary, I've been talking  
Deep discussions with old friends  
Lives traded like at market  
And chaos now transcends.

My nemeses so angered  
That I can't help but smirk  
He thinks he knows more magic  
I'll bet it's just guesswork.

Dear diary, wait one second  
I'll write after this fight  
To ignore my dueller  
Would just be impolite.

I'll only be one moment  
As I'm certain of success  
One way or the other, there are  
No more games of chess.

* * *

BOOMYAH! (That's what Catherine actually wrote below the poem...)  
Til next week, FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT!


	27. Catch Me If You Can

What? Wednesday again? Wow, the weeks tend to fly when you're, um, revising for exams! :P Hello again peoples of the world – last week's poem? A-Nimueh, A-Nimueh, A-Nimueh, A-Nimueh, in the jungle, the mighty jungle… Yeah, anyway, 'twas **Nimueh**!

And the wonderful FOURTEEN reviews that we received this week bumped our grand total up to 206! Which means that we've hit **200 REVIEWS**! WOOOO! Thanks everyone! And particular congratulations to the ambiguous _'Starts with a D'_ who delivered the actual 200th review. Yaaay! :)

THE UNREPLIABLE REVIEWS – **Starts with a D: **First off, wow. You abbreviated our name! FTLOC! That's like, putting us up there with the elite: HP, LOTR, POTC! :O That's _insane_! We are honoured to be abbreviated! :D And your poem was lovely, don't worry I'm not very good as you'll see this week! :P And I feel I should say that yes, 'twas Nimueh. Though I have mentioned her name…5 times prior to this review! **Littlemissmighty:** We do not mind at all, though we missed you! Hehe, yes I did do maths, didn't I? *smug smile* :P Lols, never mind, but thank you anyway! ;) Yep! It was Nimueh! In case you hadn't guessed it by now, because her name has now been mentioned _7 times_! Which is the magic number! :O

I'm pretty sure Catherine said there were two things to rave about this week, but I can't remember. One was the **200 REVIEWS** but I think there was something else… Hrmm… Ah well, I'm sure I'll get an angry email detailing what it was I missed! ;) AAAAH SHE TOLD ME! We are officially Harry Potter Genii! WE WON THE **HARRY POTTER QUIZ**! WE ARE LEARNED IN MAGIC! We entered a quiz at school about Harry Potter and there was Catherine, Simona and me from 'fortheloveofcamelot' plus two others, who I'm not sure if I'm allowed to name so I won't, but we entered as a team and we won! By one point but _still_! We got certificates and chocolate to prove it! Yaaaaaaay! :) One of the highlights of my life - my childhood has meaning! :D

This week's poyum was written by me! You unlucky people! ;) Oh well, deal with it – you'll get a Catherine special next week, I'm sure. Ugh, more exams. Bleh! They'll be over eventually, and then we will be freeeeeeee! :) All ready and shiny-new for 6th year, for which me and Catherine will be PREFECTS! :O With shiny braided blazers and badges and awesomeness and _ultimate power_ over the underlings! ;) Yaaaay!

POV = me/us/Catherine's mum/the audience

- Eleanor

* * *

Catch Me If You Can (by Eleanor)

Another damsel in distress  
And Merlin's got a few.  
But up until that fateful day  
He hadn't quite met you.

Slow-mo and soppy music played  
When he first kissed your hand.  
He had stepped in and saved the day  
Although he was outmanned.

He couldn't take his eyes off you  
Which made his servant smug.  
Your velvet cape swished in the breeze  
I hope it kept you snug.

The ward saw what was to come  
And so she hatched a plan.  
To foil your plot and save the prince  
Catch me if you can.

He saved your life another time  
When walking in the woods.  
An arrow hit the tree just where  
A while ago you'd stood.

Your staff you kept with you always  
'Twas only yours to hold.  
So when he tried to pick it up  
You suddenly were cold.

A teasing temptress, that you were  
With words so bittersweet.  
You thought you'd blown your chances, so  
You kissed him on the cheek.

A war of wits waged on the stairs  
As you fought for his heart.  
Don't worry, incest's far too sick  
For even the Royal Tart.

And then he was under your spell  
With eyes of glowing red.  
You smiled because you thought that soon  
Enough he would be dead.

A prince's heart was bought and sold  
While it beat in his chest.  
You did not care – with getting home  
You were a tad obsessed.

"Elope, elope, elope" you said  
And fed him simple lies.  
Cos he'd do anything for you  
You saw it in his eyes.

And off you went at dead of night  
Apparently unseen.  
But window-watching is a sport  
Played by the future queen.

Tears were spilled as truths came out  
That only one may pass  
So hurry up, for time is short  
And your ticket's first class.

Hand in hand you faced the lake  
His fate sealed with a kiss.  
What a sacrifice to make  
For your eternal bliss.

Your features dancing up above  
You wore a face of wrath.  
And might I add, the same old dress  
You could have had a bath!

Your heart broke as your father died  
In deadly fireworks.  
You turned to face the murderer  
And waded through the murk.

A scream it tumbled from your lips  
But you would smile no more.  
For death was quick at Merlin's hand  
Though it looked awful sore.

A rain of body parts fell down  
And scattered on the lake.  
Messing with the warlock, yes  
That was your big mistake.

* * *

That's it for another week, folks! Til the next Wednesday that comes our way! Peace off! BOOP!

FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT!


	28. Not So Funny Now

**Heya Folks! **

**So the thing is... Eleanor has a German exam tomorrow... So she has hestitantly and naively passed the Whimsical gauntlet over to me -Me being Catherine- For this week. **

**And for the love of Mulch Diggums, people, this is fun! **

**Yes, last week's was Sophia, the Sidhe of Doom! And oh my goodness, there is a lot of hate going around for Sophia. Dear me. But you all were right. In fact, people are rarely wrong. Ahh, I miss the days when people didn't have a clue who we were ranting about. Tee hee. **

**Poor wee Ellie is so exam stressy! It's adorable to watch. We have been on study leave for two weeks now, and she has been in school _every single day._ Yup, I don't know why either. But.. For all the studying she is doing -and she is going to be so mad at me for mentioning this- Eleanor is incredibly ignorant. I mean, she doesn't know anything at all that happens in the news. I mean, nothing at all. That's what I found out today. It's appauling. **

**Hey, I went paintballing on Sunday! What fun! And I only got one bruise. In my knee. It made me fall over but hey, you should see the other guy. **

**So, onwards with the non-reply reviews: **

**Jelly- ****Hah, your name always makes me laugh. It's great. And it is Sophia! As I have said. I have seen Robin Hood, but I don't remember seeing her in it at all. But then again, I haven't watched it since before Merlin and even then I haven't seen the fourth season. Is she in that? Anywhoos, you get a nice cold tankard of mead! (A prize, might I add if I didn't mention it in anyone's reviews, that you get if you got it right) Yay!**

**Starts with a D -****Sophia indeed! And of course I am a harry potter fan! We don't win a HP quiz, with little certificates that say, "You are the chosen one" if you arn't a fan. Man, those questions were hard... And maybe you are lazy with are name. But we love it. :) And awesomely random? We've never heard such a fantabulous compliment in our lives -and I know it was directed at Ellie, but meh, take what you can, give nothing back. **

**Littlemissmighty -****Oooo, ninja rewiew in time. Well done my friend. Sophia -Correct! And another AUDIENCE member? Good Lord! You have immpecible taste in youtubeness. OUTRO OF DARKNESS THEN REDNESS THEN WHITENESS THEN AWKWARD REVIEWNESS THEN TANKARD OF MEADNESS. Drink up :) **

**Streken Rodenen -****(Whatever that means.. Freak) Oh yeah, how rude of Ellie, I would never do such a thing. SIMONA IS A PREFECT TOO. Boomyah. Syltherin, but hey, who's prejudged? (Me...) And your little rap thing as you so elegantly put it is pinned to my notice board, so boomyah. I would let you have a tankard of mead, but we all know what happens to Gaius when he gets on the booze -shudders- **

**Oh, my poem this week! Enjoy, mes aimes. **

**POV - Catherine/Audience. **

* * *

Not So Funny Now

Who doesn't love to mess around  
Play tricks, and joke about?  
But you take things a tad too far  
And really creep us out.

Your sneaky and disturbing ways  
Made clear straight from the start.  
You hatched a plan to influence  
Matters of two young hearts.

A girl and boy so opposite  
They'll not meet common ground.  
A lock of hair, some magic words  
May yet turn this around.

So magic you now flouted, right  
Under King Uther's nose  
Flirting with the ladies while  
Boosting your Lord's ego.

"Ooo look, the pretty butterflies!"  
I bet you all but squealed.  
Yet suspicions did not surface  
And your evil not revealed.

A noble man's more noble heart  
Now putty in your hands  
Yet for some reason, his witty  
Advances she withstands

So what an inconvenience caused!  
How could the girl say no?  
Even your Master confesses  
That he would like a go.

Next morning, there's a lady who  
Can't wait to profess love  
The only thing required was  
To give a helpful shove.

The servant stands, dumbfounded, while  
This chaos does ensue.  
Yet in his eyes, a fierce concern  
It's almost like he knew.

A cupboard locked, the slyest grin  
Your dance was cut off short.  
That serving boy made you a fool  
In front of the whole court.

But even his most tricksy ways  
Could not foil your plan  
Events were too far in motion  
To cease by one mere man.

With one door bang, the truth came out  
Jaws dropped straight to the floor.  
And all it took, a flimsy glove  
To bring the threat of war.

Your plan, it was a great success  
Your Master, full of glee.  
No, not the singing choir kind  
But thoughts of victory.

Yet in a moment, tables turned  
The Prince, did he grow wise?  
Who would have ever suspected  
He'd help his foe arise.

Kings' bond more strengthened than before  
No reign under attack.  
No donkey steed for you this time  
Instead the long walk back.

* * *

**So there we have it. Basically, Eleanor challenged me to do this one, and I gave it my best shot. **

**(ALSO... I know there are line breaks in some of the verses... I dont know how to fix it! I'll try find a way...! **No need, Eleanor has fixed it!**) **

**Till next Wednesday then, and you'll be back to your regular host of doom... SMELLANOR! **

**If you sneezed while reading this poem, bless you. Peace off. BOOP! **

**FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT! **


	29. Lancelot

And I'm baaaaaaaaack! Wooooo! Catherine treat you well, folks? I hope not _too_ well, I don't wanna be the second-best thing! :'( Sorry, I have um, self-confidence issues. Among other issues that my therapist explicitly told me NOT to pour out to poor randoms on the Internet… So I must resist!

Last week's was indeed **Trickler**. Well done, wonderful splendiferous people of ultimate knowledge!

And now to amend some of Catherine's errors. First off, I have not been into school _every_ day! I didn't go in yesterday! Hahahaha! Rebel! And it's all for good reasons – it's easier for me to revise at school! Um, second one… I dunno, I can't really stick up for myself there… I really don't know anything about current events. I may have, um, temporarily forgotten Bin Laden's name… But just to spite her, I watched the news. DO YOU KNOW WHAT I LEARNED? Not much! It was incredibly booooring! All I learned was that Michelle Obama and the Queen hugged 2 years ago, Marks and Spencers are rich and… Something. It was not worth my time to watch much more. A Zeitverschwendung if you ask me.

But yaaaay, that's three fifths of my exams finished! Only Spanish and Biology left, which are Wednesday and Thursday next week, except the opposite way round. Oh crudbucket… That means I may have to hand over the reins to Catherine again… I did not previously perceive this preternatural phenomenon! :O (D'ya like my alliteration going on there? I used a thesaurus! :P) Darn, I won't be able to do the 30th Chapter Special! :O Be warned, ye peoples of whimsical poetry! This matter will have to be further discussed… Watch this space!

THE UNREPLIABLE REVIEWS – **Starts With a D: **FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT! You're right! :P Trickler was indeed his nombre. And we love your complimentary-ness which is very lovelyful. You have a very nice… face. Yeah. Well, I'm sure it is, but I do not know for certain. Not that we would like you any less if you didn't have a nice face, but you probably do. This is why I shouldn't try and compliment people… **Littlemissmighty: **Not one, but TWO reviews from you this week! Gosh we are spoiled! (Or maybe you just missed me? Hahahaha! :P) Twas indeed Trickler. The Trickster. Um, Simona is half-Serbian and half-Macedonian so it is one of those languages, but I can't remember which! All I know is that it means 'happy birthday'. Not that it was my birthday (it may have been your birthday, I don't know) but it was just a thing we had! Aww, I'm not allowed to watch Eurovision. Faither dearest disapproves. **Jelly: **You'll forgive me for not understanding most of your review, as I think it must have been part of a conversation you and Catherine were having. All I will say is… Well done! You were correct! :P

Ok, more things to say… A shout out to Catherine and Simona! Hi people! I haven't seen you in ages and ages. But I'm going into school *cough cough* tomorrow so I might see Simona aroundabouts a certain Chemistry exam I've heard is a-happening. Good luck Simona! :) Cathwinky, I miss you. And your… charms. I said hi to the Tree today. Good times. Did you look to see the POV thing in my other poem yet? ;)

Ok, I think I have stalled sufficiently to make this a long enough Author's Note! I wrote this week's poem, as I have been quite cut off from the others, as you may have gathered… It's not very good. But it was worth three points which now puts me only one point behind Catherine! Yes, we have a point-scoring system on difficulty of poem character. Our coolness knows no bounds!

The poem's a bit clangy and could be improved. But I've been working on it for the past two hours so I just wanna get rid of it. Hope you enjoy, sorry if you don't! (Ah, issues again!) I have been devious in naming it, I apologise for any confusion caused. Catherine can pick up the pieces! :P

POV = me/the audience

- Eleanor

* * *

Lancelot (by Eleanor)

While some forge swords and armour  
And some make pots of clay  
You make your living in the world  
Killing those in your way.

Death scars your life, the lives you took  
Are mirrored in your eyes  
But yet you feel no sore remorse  
What a big surprise.

For you're a ruthless, fearless man  
With nothing left to lose  
The path you've chosen is not one  
That noble men would choose.

Death sent you off to Camelot  
(And lots of shiny gold)  
A far-off prince was unaware  
His life had just been sold.

You laid in wait among the trees  
With crossbow in your hand  
One shot to the head, you thought  
It did not go as planned…

He stood you up, the smarmy git!  
He had a point to prove  
But you did not dawdle, no  
You plotted your next move.

Doubled guards were not enough  
To stop you breaking in  
But one lone guard discovered you  
You killed him with a grin.

You searched but he could not be found  
Til your spy found a clue  
His servant still in Camelot  
An 'average' man – guess who?

You chatted with the serving-boy  
And fooled his trusting heart  
You conceived another plot  
Your quest would now restart.

And yet another Peeping Tom  
At poor Gwen's front window  
Another card was up your sleeve  
A tiny cute crossbow.

Wary guards foiled you again  
And so you had to flee  
Plan the third would work this time  
The jousting was the key.

You watched Arthur from afar  
And joined up all the dots  
You killed him with similar name  
To me, an evil plot!

Another gadget in your lance  
It seems you don't play fair  
You don't bother with the rules  
Once you win, who cares?

Then it went wrong, for though he bled  
His servant intervened  
The playing field was levelled and  
Prince Arthur reconvened.

The best man won, we have to say  
And you met old friend Death  
But you fought until the end, til  
Your last dying breath.

* * *

There you go! A botchy kinda poem but the best I could do.  
And now back to my revision...

Til next week, folks...

**FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT!**


	30. Hero On Coward's Legs

**Hello! It's Catherine! Again! Yay, feel the love!  
So Ellie the elephant has a Spanish exam tomorrow. And Simona has art. Well, today I guess, seeing as it's past midnight. And then we are exam freeeeeeeeee! **

**I had my biology exam today. It was kinda rubbish but hey who cares, I'm freeeeeeeeee! **

**So good luck Ellie! She's a genius at languages though, so I have no doubt she'll get an A. And Simona is strange. Channel that into your art, dearie. **

**And now for last week's poem, the cleverly named "Lancelot" was Myror, the assassin! (Uses a lance -a lot-... See, it is smart!) **

**Reply for last week's reviews: **

**Word-Stringer-**** You are right! Myror it is indeed! Well done and you win this week's complementary prize - Pickled eggs! Yummy! **

**Jelly-**** Our poems cheer you up? Aww that made me happy too! And you are correct, the sneaky assassin from season 2! Bravo, you clever person. **

**Starts with a D-**** You don't know? This has to be a first in like ever of everness in the history of anything! Dear me. :) It's Myror, if you haven't read already. Maybe if you go back and read it again you'll have one of those facepalm moments. I get them all the time. Hope you like this week's one!**

**Littlemissmighty-**** Another person who doesn't know! This is befuddling and unusual. I'm not sure how to cope. And I know you know by now, but I'll say it regardless. It was Myror. The assassin from "The Once and Future Queen". Yeah Simona is half Macedonian - she's a very strange girl, that one. But I'm not sure whether that is because of her odd culture or because she spends so much time with me. Hey ho. Thanks for your reviews, they are always awesome! :) **

**I think that's everyone... I hope!**

**I feel like I have a distinct lack of interesting conversation for you all. I apologise for my mediocre banterful skills. DIGGY DIGGY HOLE! (Woah sorry, watched way too much YouTube vids. Ellie and Stoj should get that :P) **

**Righto.. I'll emm, just go now. Thank you for well, being you. I like you. Yes you. You I like. **

**POV - Me(Catherine)**

* * *

Hero On Coward's Legs

You know what I've seen far too much?  
That deep, blood tone of red.  
It's just too "in your face" at times  
Let's switch colours instead.

Now yellow, a courageous choice  
The colour of the sun  
Which seems to me to not quite match  
The darker deeds you've done.

So swap a dragon for a beast  
That make some people squirm  
Not an epic basilisk, but  
Still better than a worm.

Then grow a manly stubble and  
Adopt an evil pose.  
You need a glare to terrify  
Them to their very toes.

Next on the list, a weapon forged  
Dealer looks on with dread  
But just ask him, "No magic here!"  
Oh, wait a sec, he's dead.

And as each season does predict  
A tournament is held  
So off you toddle, state your name  
Make sure it's not misspelled.

With sword in hand and cape full swing  
Let the fighting commence!  
So show the Prince a thing or two  
Knock in his head some sense.

Yet every bad boy needs a girl  
To match your brooding stares  
So go ahead, and flirt like mad  
Just ignore Arthur's glares.

So once the ladies take your side  
Don't forget the next step  
You must learn to threaten well  
Else destroy your good rep.

Hold on a min, did I say good?  
Your reputation stinks  
Oh by the by, did I mention  
The role you chose is jinxed?

For every badass who dares try  
To stake their claim on town  
Is unaware that there's a guy  
Who's job's to take you down.

His job official? No, not quite  
But don't you go forgetting.  
He's killed so many punks like you  
I'm not surprised you're fretting.

So you can thank me for my help  
You've got your big breakthrough  
Well, killed mid-combat, could be worse  
How's that for a debut!

* * *

**There we have it! I personally think this one is a wee bit easier. But who knows, maybe I am wrong. -I tend to be. **

**Until then... FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT! **

**Peace off. If you sneezed during this poem, bless you. Bless your face regardless. BOOP!**


	31. Nom

_Dislaimer: The awesome character that is Neville Longbottom is not mine, so I think I have to say that. And also I said a line from a song by George Michael, so he and good ol' J.K Rowling get the credit for their own little creations within the AN and I suppose the people behind Merlin deserve credit as usual for their whole script/tv series/acting and suchsimilarstuff..._

* * *

And so it appears that another week has passed. And so it would also appear that long-lost-once-so-frequent-but-now-usually-intermittent Eleanor is back. Yaaaaay! Last week's poem, beautifully crafted by the beautiful Catherine was… **Valiant**. The schneaky-shielded guy! He should have known better… *tut*

Ok, these things aside there are also important things happening in the real world. Or the virtual world, ever since Inception I'm not really sure which is which any more… :P Um, but anyway! Exams are finally over! As of last Thursday for me and Simona, and last, whenever, for Cathwinky! Woooooo! And Sixth Year began today, which was interesting. Catherine and I have Latin together, but more importantly we have 'Personal Study' together. Do you know what that means, fanlets? Do you? It means MORE CO-WRITTEN POETRY! Wooooooooo! Five periods a week, devoted to *ahem* _studying_. It sounds delicious. ;)

Well that was the most exciting news I could think of… Er… There may have been something else. But I can't remember. So that kinda sucks. Oooh, like Neville with his Remembrall: "Thing is, I can't remember what it is I've forgotten!" Aww, we love you Nev! :D

Ummmm…. **250 REVIEWS**! At the time of typing this AN there were 251 to be exact, but 250-ish is a lovely number of loveliness. Although I can't remember if we decided the numbers don't count any more as Catherine and Simona have occasionally reviewed. Oh well, it still makes me happy, seeing such a wonderful number. Which is only halfway to 500! Whoa. That will be some event! But you'll just have to keep reviewing to get there… *muahahaha* Emotional blackmail! :)

Okkkk, time for the _Non-Repliable Reviews_ methinks… First, and erm, last is the inevitable **Starts with a D**: Myror, yes, for the previous one anyway! Don't feel too bad, I hadn't actually seen the episode this week's character is in until I saw them on the list and looked them up, thinking, 'why not?' I have a few gaps in my knowledge; it is Catherine that is the true fan! I am not worthy! :O And Valiant was correct, course it was! You were totally _right_! Cos you gotta have faith! ;)

Well that was easy. But there appear not to be too many reviews this time. Ah well. It must be Catherine's charm. I don't blame you, she terrifies me! In a good way, I think...

As I said to _Starts with a D_, I wrote this poem. And Cathwinky very generously edited it for me, even though her daddy had just returned from Shpain after a week, that's how much she loves you guys! :) I wrote this after watching this episode for the first time. I hope that's not too much of a giveaway, that they're only in one episode… _Loads_ of characters are in only one episode. It's a shame, really, you get some epic ones there…

Aha! That reminds me! In Latin we're doing the Aeneid, and it was written by Vergil, who was apparently an _epic_ poet who wrote _epic_ poetry! The booklet actually used the word 'epic' to define a style of poetry or something! We aspire to create epic poetry and hope that one day we might possibly reach _epic_ standards! :)

POV = Me! Some audience as well, I suppose! Gotta include you guys!

- Eleanor

* * *

**Nom.**

Your name was held in fierce repute  
Once feared through all the land  
But when it came to kidnapping  
Things did not go as planned.

You planned to ransom Uther's ward  
For all that she was worth  
Little did you know your 'guest'  
Was not royal by birth.

Duped by your little messengers  
Yes, you misplaced your faith  
But life just seems to disappoint  
And that's the human race.

Your gruff (and were they Scottish?) tones  
Sent shivers down my spine  
And your appearance not improved  
By those clothes so fine.

Now, on the subject of your ears  
Did nature play a trick?  
You poor bald yet hairy man  
You make me feel quite sick.

Your bloodthirstiness was clear  
When you declared a fight  
You're quite a grisly Santa Claus  
Don't you know wrong from right?

Your mighty warrior was felled  
When you gave the order  
Your own man! I think you've got a  
Hidden brain disorder.

Your impatience grew and grew  
With every passing day  
You said you'd carry out your threat  
If Uther did not pay.

In the cage you worked it out  
The princess was all lies  
Her hands were those of serving girls'  
You would not get your prize.

You found those responsible  
For the whole charade  
He begged forgiveness for his mess  
But with his life he paid.

You discovered emptiness  
Within the dungeon cell  
It seemed a rescue had been made  
Things did not bode well.

You caught the love triangle-ier  
And locked him in the cage  
You swore a slow and painful death  
Blinded by your rage.

You played upon his passion and,  
When you thought he'd done  
You summoned back the serving girl  
And So it seemed you'd won.

But all within a flash it seemed  
Your plan it all went wrong  
Some guards were in disguise and then  
Rescuers joined the throng.

You dodged a dodgy chandelier  
But more was yet to come  
You ran headfirst into the cage  
Have you been at the rum?

The heroes fled into the caves  
But your way was blocked  
The door was slammed, but shouldn't you  
Have left the cage unlocked?

For though you laughed at those you doomed  
Your fate was much the same  
Nommed by giant baby rat  
With girly screams of pain.

* * *

And that's it for a surprisingly Eleanor-compiled chapter! Til next week, lovelies, FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT!


	32. Dungeons and Dragons

**Um Hello again people. *dodges flying tankard of mead* Sorry, lovely people. Yes, it would seem we are back. I apologise from the bottom of my bad bad cold shrivelled heart. It was eeeevil of us, we know. :( We re sorry Last last week s poem was Hengist, not that that matters much any more.**

**I m sorry, we just had an awful lot on and when we had a double study period we only managed about three verses, so the co-writing poetry was a disaster. But then we planned out the poem and we split the remaining verses (though Catherine was bribed today into writing one of mine the cursed verse - because her sense of humour is far superior to mine and you guys only deserve the best) ***And Eleanor was refusing to write poetry and instead wanted to do school work - pfft***and wrote the poem separately. I haven't seen the poem as a whole yet, it's all in pieces, but hopefully it vaguely links together, here's hoping! :P We also did a TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) introductory course over last weekend and busy busy business. Sorry guys. :$ I know there should be no excuse for tardiness!**

**One thing I was to mention was fortune telling! Yay I remembered! As Catherine and I now have Latin together, much banter is had. Especially because we have an amazing teacher of tongue-studded body-building tanking supreme-ness. Anyway, one lesson we were discussing the various methods of fortune telling and one of them was opening the Aeneid (the book we are studying at the moment) and picking a sentence with your eyes shut and that was your future Very mysterious! Catherine got told that she has no fixed home and walks in shady groves, and that she will also meet a priest with a clean robe. ***Oh Yeah ;)*** :S I will apparently be happy to fight for what I believe in, and that dark sayings will muffle the truth Yep. ;) ***And she's also going to smile at horses... Hmm.*

**And the other thing which must not be forgotten at any cost is the promised shout-out to our friend. Our trusty Ecuadorian amigo SAMUEL (Samwell the only way to pronounce it, might I add!) of awesome amazing adorability! :D (Alliteration, booyah!) He is truly irresistible, which often gets me into trouble** *As she has a boyfriend who ISN'T Sam - So he's all mine.. MWAH HA HAA*** And he is too nice for his own good, the sneaky yum-yum purchaser of generosity! :P But we're even now so I'll say no more on that. But anyway, Hola Samuel, nuestro amigo, y bienvenido a nuestros poemas en Fanfiction! You people of the world should be jealous that you don t have a Samuel, because he's just so darn cute! He was so excited to hear we did this, and promised to check it out, so I hope this shout-out has done him justice! :) Lo siento if it hasn't Samuel! :(**

**I also have to apologise for anything in this AN that Catherine changes, you see, I have been told to write it because she is under the delusion that I write good ANs, but I have to email it and my half of the poem to her because my Internet isn't working properly! ***FAIL* **So if this has been changed (come to think of it, she has the power to change this so this is a bit pointless ) it's not my fault and I'm sorry! :O ***Insert evil laugh here, by me. Catherine.*

**At the time of writing this AN we still do not have a title for this poem, so we'll see how that works out. This is just a warning that it will probably be rubbish, like most of the poems we have written and named on the spot! The truly inspired ones either come straight away, or not at all, I find. Ah well. ***Well, I like it. So take that Elliesaurus!*

**Now, on the Internet I have on my iPod, the travel version of Fanfiction doesn t tell me who the non-repliable reviews are So we have a problem here. But, you were all right in any case! Well done! Catherine will no doubt give you a novel Merlin prize for your efforts. ***Novel prize for the week - MANDRAKE ROOT OF GOOEY AWESOMENESS*

**Um, I think that's it. I should probably suck up to you guys some more I'm sorry, sorry sorry, lovely fanlets! We should have warned you! We are lazy, bad people! You are intelligent wonderful people who shouldn't be wasting your precious time reading our pathetic poetry! ***Yes, you should.* **(Is that enough? :P) Sorry again guys :(**

**As you may have read, this week's was a combi-poem, so both Catherine and I are to blame. :P We hope you enjoy it, it's extra long for apologetic qualities. POV = us/the audience.**

* * *

Dungeons and Dragons

Over the hills and far away  
In good old times gone by  
There stood a noble castle, where  
A king did occupy.

And in the city walls you lived  
A man of great acclaim  
Though wilder beasts you'd mastered, still  
No woman could you tame.

You used to have a house back then  
With many noble friends  
I wonder if you ever thought  
Your happiness would end.

Then came a time of great despair  
When magic left the land  
Forced painfully to watch your friends  
Fight for their gifts - now banned.

A special task you did receive  
From one you did not trust.  
Your conscience took a holiday  
You must have been concussed.

This mighty quest you undertook  
To find an ancient friend  
It was your dream to end the strife  
Old wounds you can amend.

But blind faith did not serve you well  
And old friends were betrayed  
Your reputation was more dear  
A risky game you played.

King's eyes are blazing - cold as ice  
And guards entrap your kin  
And staring down a crossbow's sights  
You wonder - what's your sin?

A healing man did save your life  
Just when all hope seemed lost  
You left the place you called your own  
At great personal cost.

His sister's help you did receive  
A place in which to stay  
Life was simple, yet you found  
A reason not to stray.

But in the darkness shone a light  
Gleam from a woman's eye  
And from that moment, you were sure  
For her you'd gladly die.

And when the candles flicker out  
Sweet passion takes its hold  
You couldn't deny her luring ways  
Like goblins to their gold.

And though love bloomed you had to leave  
Kissed Wartilocks goodbye  
You turned your back and rode away  
Yet no tear would you cry.

You got lost in the wilderness  
But you would not give in  
Now all alone, you cursed your gifts  
As you grew cold and thin.

A new home you've now discovered  
House warming party time!  
Although it's rubbish, think on this  
It didn't cost a dime!

Two decades down the line, it seemed  
Your life was much the same  
But you'd learned just how to survive  
Using your sharpened brain.

Now who should disturb your found peace  
With no heed of your pain?  
Yet bumbling in with two left feet  
The boy must not be sane.

But something in that stranger's eye  
Compels you to agree  
So rush to aid his loyal friend,  
The cave's got room for three.

But when you heard your task was to  
Save he who killed your kind  
You did refuse, the pain still fresh,  
Their offer you declined.

Your bitterness caught them off-guard  
But as they turned to leave  
You thought you heard a name, you hoped  
Your ears did not deceive.

You found that you could not resist  
The chance to save your friend  
You soon caught up and told them that  
The city you'd defend.

And in the quiet of the woods  
With gentle words, life changed  
The world you saw with brand new eyes,  
Love cautiously exchanged.

It's hard to know just what to say,  
When all you knew was wrong  
To know you left your kin behind,  
Yet here he stands - so strong

And though you're handy with a knife  
Sometimes it's used for good  
A lovely little heartfelt gift  
A dragon made of wood.

A peaceful morning cruelly ends  
Sword clashing breaks the air  
And you'll not faulter, never quit,  
Yet no time to prepare.

And in a moment, love took hold  
The world froze in its place  
You looked into the bluest eyes  
Felt pride you can't replace

There's nothing now you'll do but watch  
As he begins to shine  
Your legacy will carry on,  
By dragons, you're defined.

* * *

**So.. There we have it all, homies! (Yeah, it's Catherine now). So until next week, -and I mean it... Hopefully- **

**If you sneezed during this poem -and I know you want to Vegetables ) - Bless you. Bless your face regardless. Peace off. **

**FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT! **


	33. Patchwork Man

Goooooood evening, morning, afternoon or whatever else it could possibly be wherever you are! Hello and welcome back to Whimsical Poetry of Doom! With me, Eleanor, and Catherine who has probably already edited this for reasons explained last week.** (_Cafwinky here too! Yeah!)_** And speaking of last week, the subject of scrutiny for the weekly(ish) spotlight on a Merlin character was **Balinor**! The Last Dragonlord. Well… And I also feel I need to say… Of _course_ we wrote it for Father's Day… *shifty glance around* We are just sneaky like that, at least one person noticed! That is, um, also why we skipped a week cos, er, we were waiting for the right date… That was it, obviously… ;) **_(Hem hem... I concur.)_**

Um, accounting again with the Internet annoyingness, I can only safely say that '**Jelly**' and '**Tis I**' are the non-repliable reviews, if I've missed you out, I'm sorry, I can't tell! :'( Ok, **Jelly**: Yes! It was indeedy Balinor! I actually go past a house every day on my bus route to school called 'Balintore' which I always double-check in case I've just been getting it wrong for the past few years and it actually does say 'Balinor' but no luck yet, I'm afraid! ;) Um, as Catherine will tell you (and probably edit something cheeky in), I like school… 8) NERD! **_(Major nerd. Seriously... It's embarrasing.)_** Me and Catherine were warming up our nerd voices the other week, good times… **_(I'm allergic to.. air.) _**And spoilers-wise, I was trying to keep out of it too, but Cathwinky darling is quite the spoiler badger and just keeps unearthing little titbits which I shall not divulge out of common decency. Though she did find some hilarious set photos! :P

And '**Tis I**' or should I say SAMUEL! For everyone's benefit first of all the 'ipermegaincreible' he put in his review he kindly explained to me was a mix of 3 words, iper = super, mega = mega and increible = incredible. Isn't he lovely, people of the world? :) Du bist mein Freund, Samuel, por supuesto! We are probably going to bully you into reading this poem as well, so I apologise for that! And you should also reply to my texts Samuel! :P _**(Sam... don't listen to her cries for affection. She's playing you like a fiddle in a medievil banquet. And believe me... Fiddles were popular back then. I hope. Or this simile is useless. But still slightly relevant. Hmm...)**_

Hehe, now that leads me on to want to talk about Ecce Romani, just to see what rude things Catherine will about it! (Wow, Ecce and Romani were accepted as words on Word! :O that's interesting!) Ok, I'm only joking, I shall spare you readers the current Latin textbook goss… ;) **_(If I hear Ecci frickin Romani one more time.. I swear to Tobuscus I will rip it to shreds. Like a demon baby. A crazy rabid monkey demon baby... Cute. On with the next clip, Steven!) _**

Um, one study period this week Catherine managed to drag (yes, literally) me out of the library where I was _studying_ and to the canteen where I ended up learning how to play poker!**_(I mean come on, last year of high school and never played poker? It's appauling.)_** Well, kind of learning, I'm still quite confused but hey! Me and Catherine made a good team – we **_("We" meaning Ellie) _**lost and ended up heavily in theoretical debt. But Samuel can shuffle a pack of cards like there's no tomorrow! Woo! Good times!

It's the summer holidays as of Friday so I don't know what's happening about poetry… I'm being dragged away to Austria for two weeks but I can probably beg some Internet access for a bit from my parents and I suppose I'll have lots of free time to write poetry and shtuff. I need to discuss this with Catherine of course; we're kinda unorganised like that. ;)

Ok, I think that was everything I needed to include. I do have a niggling feeling in the back of my mind that I have forgotten something, but I get that a lot… Oh well. Catherine is editing so she can fill in the blanks! :) Like the babe she is! **_(Darn right!)_**

**_So... Awesome Catherine news time... Guess who is getting to go and see DAVID TENNANT and CATHERINE TATE in MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING in London next month? Oh yeah -me, myself and I. Take that Gallifrey! Don't you just love advanced English field trips. Mwah ha haa._**

Um, this week's was written by moi because I got scared and mixed up my days and we said we were going to try and get a bank of poems stored up like we have before but that kinda failed because this is our only poem, and it's being used straight away! Ah well, as I said, holidays… :)

POV = us/the audience

Eleanor (and ever-helpful Catherine)

* * *

Patchwork Man (by Eleanor)

You heard the voice, a dark warning  
To those who'd cross his path  
You saw them on the platform now  
Enduring Uther's wrath.

A scream bounced off the castle walls  
As flames flickered on flesh  
No one else would save them now  
You charged, your tears still fresh.

But they were gone and you still there  
Fire dancing in your eyes  
The pain so strong you could not see  
You foresaw your demise.

And yet you woke from deepest sleep  
Thanks to some healing hands  
He nursed you back to health before  
He revealed Uther's plans.

A boy with little prospects, your  
Reflection now unknown  
You stumbled out of Camelot  
And left your lifelong home.

Twenty years had passed it seemed  
And you'd grown tall and strong  
Your face a patchwork of the scars  
With you these years so long.

You honed the gift for which they died  
Twas all part of the plan  
The king would pay for what he'd done  
Beware of patchwork man.

You sought to work your way into  
The king's most royal court  
You played upon his weaknesses  
As if it were a sport.

You asked the royal clot-pole for  
A chance to save the ward  
Though he said 'no' you knew inside  
That info he had stored.

And so the prince came crawling back  
And pleaded for your aid  
Yes, all was going just to plan  
Into your hands they played.

The trollop tried to catch you out  
But she was sent away  
And now only the physician  
Was standing in your way.

You saw he knew just who you were  
That frightened you a lot  
But Merlin made more progress when  
He found your beetle pot.

You tried a little friendliness  
And yes it did the trick  
You'll catch more flies with honey sweet  
But too much makes you sick.

At dinnertime you made your move  
Cast doubt in Uther's mind  
You'd be the judge of Gaius' work  
If you were so inclined.

But Gaius found out who you were  
You took it rather well  
And if your ship was sinking, you'd  
Drag Merlin down as well.

You oversaw the kicking out  
Of Uther's oldest friend  
Your plan was sliding into place  
To the king you could tend.

And then you reared your ugly head  
And spoke your ill intent  
Now he was stuck there, paralysed  
You finally could vent.

The beetle left to make a home  
In Uther's blue-blood brain  
You sadistic psycho freak, who  
Longed to hear his pain.

Like Johnny Cash you liked to talk  
About the ring of fire  
As you tried to kill the man, who  
Never would retire.

You tested Merlin's loyalties  
But blood is very thick  
But oh well, axe murdering time  
You changed sides very quick.

But medieval matrix moves  
Were performed by the best  
And Merlin just out-magicked you  
Take that, you patchwork pest.

And so you met your gruesome end  
From spinning axe's blade  
Your healing days are over, mate  
You'll give out no more "aid".

* * *

_**Well, my wee Yognauts, there we have it. **_

_**Isn't it just awesome? Ellie the smexy babe that she knows she is. **_

_**If you sneezed during this poem, bless you. Bless your face regardless. **_

_**Peace off. **_

_**FORTHELOVE OF CAMELOT!**_

_**...**_

_**...**_

_**...**_

_**...**_

_**Mischief Managed. ;)**_


	34. No Offense, But

Heya folks! It's Catherine here! With a poem! See... I haven't forgotton!

Okay, I know it's a little... later than usual, but see I have a sort of valid reason. Our summer holiday's have just started and I'm sure most of you can understand that when you don't have school, or really have anything to do for that matter, the days kinda merge together. So.. I lost track of time. Pretty badly. I'm sorry.

So Eleanor is on holiday. Don't ask me where, I can't remember. I'm pretty sure it began with 'A'. Alaska... Alabama... Argentina... Azerbaijan... Antartica.. Who knows?

Actually, I'm pretty sure it's Austria. But let's just say she's having a fabby time in Narnia and be done with it.

Therefore, we actually split for the holidays with no actual poem plan. That's another reason why we are so disorginised. -sigh- We really are useless.

I know I most of you will probably have read the story I am about to mention, because it is awesome, but recently I have really got into **Emachinescat**'s story, "**The Visiting Prince".** You should really go read it, it's really well written, and as of late I have been kinda forced into the same situation - I can't speak out against what is going on because if I do then it's not just me that will be hurt. Her story is something I can relate to right now. But.. I have no smexy Arthur to punch my person in the face for me. Ah well... Causing me headaches to say the least.

On a less moody and depressing tone... You guys all know what comes out this week!

...

... I said, you guys all know what comes out this week!

...

...

You said it! HARRY POTTER! Yay!

And guess who's going to the Thursday night midnight showing? Oh yeah, moi! WOOP! And the same night Torchwood starts! It's a double bonus Thursday!

But.. A certain friend of Ellie, Simona's and mine -who is probably grinning smugly if she even dares read this- is off to America today, and will be in Harry Potter World on the day the movie comes out. Not fair. Though I am getting an awesome Harry Potter present of awesomeness. So that's something.

ANYWHOOS, ON WITH THE POEM, STEVEN!

Last week was Edwin! As you all got correct, including you, **Jelly**, who I couldn't reply to. And as I've said to most of you.. You win an ever-so-small-but-still-totally-psychedelic-Crystal of Neahtid!

USE SPARINGLY. I know some of you are power hungrey tyrants. Don't think I am not aware of that fact.

POV-Me/Audience.

* * *

**N****o Offense, But...**

I think you need a doctor  
To fix your addled brain  
Yet you think you've got no issues  
So please let me explain

We can't deny you're pretty  
Your beauty is a gift  
Yet if you take gifts for granted  
Those presents will pass swift

For though you'll catch attention  
And men will stop and stare  
It won't take long for them to learn  
That you they must beware

You claimed your father injured  
The last man that came near  
Your father's shadow looms and makes  
Your suitors disappear

And even if he vanished  
Your attitude still stinks  
You've been spoilt for so long, you  
Don't care what we all think

You're ignorant and lazy  
And rude to those below  
You in the social ladder, you  
Believe in status quo

But the thing most disturbing  
That we have come to learn  
Your blatant disregard for a  
Man for whom we yearn

State the obvious, he is  
As perfect as they get  
But we've said this so many times  
You'll want him soon, I bet

And even when he's waiting  
Sweet words to you he'll greet  
On top of that - his gift you'll mock  
Perhaps you don't eat meat

But as I said, you'll want him  
And in a blink you do  
Rose in teeth and glove in hand, my  
What a hullabaloo!

So starts an epic tourney  
With threat of epic war  
But epicosity bodes ill  
So epic you ignore

And even when it's over  
And boys have become men  
You can't accept the painful truth  
It won't happen again

And now it's truly over  
I think that bridge is burned  
Your relationship's one-sided  
Yet you seem unconcerned

So now do you see reason?  
Does my ranting make sense?  
You need a slice of humble pie  
Yet do not take offense

But yes, of course, you're bound to  
And all you'll do is wait  
Because once your daddy reads this  
My head is on a plate.

* * *

**Don't you hate it when people start a sentence with.. "No offense, but-"**

**Because, IT IS ALWAYS OFFENSIVE!**

**Who am I kidding, I say it all the time. **

**I am such a hypocrite. **

**FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT!**


	35. Blood, Sweat and Tears

Hiya! It's Eleanor again! **(And Cafwinky!)** I'm back from, well... **(Raxacoricofallapatorius) **Let's just say I'm back!**(And aboot time too, lad!)** ) last week's poem, a lovely poyum of loveliness, was Vivian, as everyone guessed correctly! Even me! :P well done everyone! **(Prize for this week - A Bloodguard dagger. I recently watched Katie's and Bradley's commentary for S3E1, and couldn't help but notice the shiny shiny dagger of awesomeness. EXCEPT Laughy-Taffy the Grape - Who gets something else.. I dunno, one of her own *hem I mean Morgana's* mirrors. Something with no sharp edges.)**

So... Everyone enjoy Harry Potter? Yes? Everyone sad that their childhood is officially over? Y-yes? ...sorry, *sniff* just give me a minute... Ok, ok... Hehe I went to go and see it again today for my little brother's birthday party. I invited Catherine on the spur of the moment, but there was a mix-up in communication and she didn't come after all. She felt so bad about it, bless her!**(I do! I left her pray to a group of twelve year old boys.. :P)** Aww! :) I love you Catherine! I don't know about Catherine but I'm pretty stressed at the moment about university applications and shizzbangles. Trying to decide what unis you want to go to and what courses! *sigh* they just kinda heap it on you all at once, and I'm not good with stress! Catherine can vouch for that, she saw me at exam time! :P **(And okay, seriously.. Eleanor that is stupid. Can we at least wait till we get our results back before we start fretting. Oh wait, you are going to get five A's I guess. Let's go to uni together! You know how much you liked St Andrews...! But then I need the grades too. Ah, I'll join you in your sigh of dispair. *sigh*)**

**As for review repliness - **

**Annonymus - You are correct! And well done, my new friend! :)**

**As for "Uthy is a Babe" - Yeah, Ellie, I started trying to re-read that review you sent, but I keep zoning out. Something about Azkaban, dementors and wi-fi. Oh, and I'm a smexy beast. I got that part. ;) You ARE a babe, Uthykins. You ARE a babe. x **

Erm, I wrote this week's poem at about 2am Tuesday morning cos I couldn't sleep. Also, Catherine wrote one last week completely of her own volition (ooh fancy word!) so I felt I owed her! So here it is, the product of my 'blood sweat and tears' (haha, see what I did there?) ;) my poem!

**POV - Ellie/Audience/Us!**

* * *

Blood, Sweat and Tears

Important things were rearranged  
For you to get a job  
Changing royal nappies, well,  
You showed you weren't a snob.

To keep the secret under wraps  
You sprinkled pixie dust  
But, Tinkerbell, she did not fly  
Her nanny she did trust.

You prepared the little girl  
To one day marry with  
The handsome prince of Camelot  
Yet true love was a myth.

The young girl grew, a clumsy thing  
Endearing though to all  
You kept her secret well although  
Pride comes before a fall.

The time had come, the years paid off  
For now you'd truly see  
Your girl, a queen of Camelot  
Victory for the Sidhe.

You'd had no time for games of love  
Thanks to the bigger plan  
But now you found yourself drawn to  
A certain healing man.

Things were going very well, you  
Rejoiced at your success  
But then the plot was compromised  
Merlin, the magic pest.

You told on him, what else to do?  
He threatened twenty years  
Of your hard work and sacrifice  
Of blood, pain, sweat and tears.

Yet Merlin shot the elder down  
With the dangerous staff  
And thanks to trigger-happy boy  
The plan was cut in half.

The vaults a place of mystery  
An odd place for a date  
Naïve you stumbled in the trap  
An ambush laid in wait.

Trapped! The boy had sealed you in  
You had nowhere to go  
Your boyfriend he had let you down  
And filled you up with woe.

You showed your hurt and heartbreak with  
One longing (lol, pun) lick  
You screamed to show your angriness  
You were one p-ed off chick.

Soon enough you found you could  
Blow off those darn big gates  
You hurried off to stop their plan  
Alas, you were too late.

The warlock kept you busy while  
Your charge was being 'healed'  
The potion worked, and the  
Sidhe plot Was finally revealed.

And then your life was at an end  
More blood on Merlin's hands  
You'll miss that second date, but, well  
We're sure he understands.

* * *

**And there you have it. Should be able to guess this week's poem.  
Though have fun trying to spell the name - I mean, you had enough trouble with Myror before. MWAH HA HAAA!**

If you sneezed, bless you. Bless your face regardless. Eleanor - Bless your ginger hair, and I'll see you before next week is out ;) . Peace off.

**FORTHELOVEOFCAMELOT!**


	36. Innocent of Being Guilty

**Hello again, my poppets! Tis I, Sir Catherine the Witty, here to bring you this week's poem. Alone. Entirely alone. No Eleanor here. Not at all -sniffle sniffle- Just me. By myself. _All by myself... Don't wanna be, all by myself, anymoreeeeeeeee..._**

**_H_em Hem, anyway. So last week's was indeed Grunhilda - the oh-so snazzy flirtatious minx that she is. Got to love her. Unless, of course, you're Gaius. In which case you really don't want to love her. Cause then there may be a risk of a strong smell of sweet perfume. Urgh *starts a hacking cough***

**That aside, everyone got it right. Even you, Jelly, and you win a Gaius grubby golbin-ey gold gift of - emm coiness. Basically you win Goblin gold. Which at least is better than leprechaun gold because it won't disappear. BUT on the downside Gaius has licked it. Unless of course you like Gaius slobber. Which leads me back to Grunhilda. Oh dear.**

**Oh and also, almost forgot.. congrats to Vegetables for being the 300th reviewer! 300 reviews! You guys are amazing. Can I give you a hug? I can? Yay! Come 'ere! **

**So, what have I been up to? You wanna know...? Of course you do. -Ignores person shaking their head desperately in the corner-**  
**I went to Ellie's house on Monday! I got there at about half 10 in the morning, only to discover that she had been up since QUARTER TO SEVEN and had already made us breakfast. And lunch. Oh dear. So I taught her some guitar, and I had to shout at her because she kept apologising for messing up - and then apologising for apologising. Yes, there was a lot of apologising. So then we made pancakes. Well, I buttered them and fed them to her while she made more. It was very productive. Round the day off with some Halo playing and Russian Unicorn watching on YouTube - Twas an awesome day.**

**But now Merlin Fans - BIG NEWS - Unless you've already heard it all.**

**So... Last weekend was the SDCC (San Diego Comic Con) at which Merlin was appearing in a panel. Now, I was on my toes all day, because I had worked out that last year they had released the Merlin trailer for season 3 at the same event. Sure enough, the Merlin crew were live tweeting from the panel. And SEASON 5 IS CONFIRMED. Oh yeah! -Does little dance- And.. SEASON 4 TRAILER IS THE BEE'S KNEES. I mean, it really is! But.. *spoilers from trailer* Gwen and Lancelot kissing... And Arthur sees! No! Poor Arty :( Aww. And unconcious Merlin! Aww. I watched it on the Monday morning with Ellie and almost imploded. And the bloopers from season 4! Most of them are up, but the video that the person took is cut off halfway. But as usual - most of them involve Bradley. Loves it. **

**Yeah so most of it is up on YouTube - including the panel itself - which was very funny. Favourite quote? "Arthur and Lancelot get their swords out a lot," quips Bradley. Oh aye? Cannot wait ;) **

**I feel like I've forgotten something... Emm... Ah, I'll remember it for next week (I totally won't) **

**Right well Eleanor wrote this week's poem! Yay! It was my turn.. But she offered and so I snatched the chance before it galloped away like my horse when he sees the hunt.**

**AH-HA! Disclaimers! I remembered Eleanor! Okay so the title belongs to Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides soundtrack. Track 1 if you really want to know. (My fav is track 9) Anywhoos, that is their's. **

**The line, "red verus blue" is a reference to Red Vs Blue is, owned by Rooster Teeth. And not us. Though it was totally something we could have come up with. ;)**

**And last disclaimer of disclaimerly goodness - "Truth will out" is owned by Arthur Weasley. Who is a legend. As is everyone in Harry Potter. Oh! Madam Pomfrey is in Merlin next season! Tee hee! :P **

**So that thing I've forgotton I still haven't remembered. So I will -reluctantly- let it go. **

**Shout out to Ellie, who will be wishing she actually had had an input on this week's AN just so she could shut me up. Well quit frowning and get back to your guitar practice, Girl! **

**POV - AUDIENCE! And me. And Ellie. And Lord Voldemort. And Samwise Gamgee. And Davy Jones. **

**P.S - Ah-ha, me hearties! I think the thing that I forgot to which I have now remembered has nothing what-so-ever to do with the poem, rather to do with another FF project I have been working on.. MWAH HA HAA. So sorry to waste all your time with that. But trust me - It is a good thing I remembered. Well worth my hours (minutes) agonizing over. **

* * *

Guilty of Being Innocent of Being Jack Sparrow

The trumpet led you off to war  
You fought a noble cause  
But the bravest part was to  
Climb in the lion's jaws.

For war's a dish that's best served hot  
And once the anger cools  
All that's left is suffering  
Tis just a game for fools.

So you agreed to sign for peace  
And end your stalemate war  
To settle all this petty death  
After all, what was it for?

So you strode into Camelot  
Red versus Blue, cliché?  
A meeting of two mighty kings  
Both wary of foul play.

Welcomed with a shifty glance  
From those adorned with red  
You focused on your purpose, and  
Resolved for peace instead.

It all hung on a handshake and,  
Once that was out the way  
There was a round of glad applause  
Hurrah, hip, hip hooray...

At the banquet late that night  
The deal was signed at last  
And yet another handshake, with  
All thoughts of wartime past?

But Uther was still stony-faced  
And so to break the ice  
You bribed him with some silver cups  
Just trying to be nice.

This gave you opportunity  
To give a nice long speech  
Expressing all your gratitude  
And secret hopes of peace.

A servant boy came rushing in  
And stole your silver gift  
Accusing you of poisoning  
You were a wee bit miffed.

And in that moment peace had failed  
Old habits hard to break  
But fighting is for honour, your  
Reputation at stake.

Surely there was some mistake  
It had to be a trick  
You offered to taste it yourself  
It could not make you sick...?

But Uther was too bloodthirsty  
To grant you your request  
The servant to drink up instead  
You felt somewhat distressed.

And then the boy proclaimed it safe  
You sighed from sweet relief  
Innocent, of course, at last, sword  
Beginning to unsheathe.

But serving boy fell to the floor  
And blades were at your throat  
But yet you had not done the deed  
Up creek without a boat.

One, two, three knew you'd not laced  
The cup with deadly flowers  
Arthur tried to tell his dad, but  
Uther wanted power.

But all for you was not yet lost  
Your kingdom would send aid  
They planned to attack Camelot  
And you would soon be saved.

Gaius planned to keep the peace  
And helped change Uther's mind  
By mention of the sorceress  
To whom he had been blind.

His men were ordered to remain  
Within his watchful gaze  
"Truth will out", as Muggles say  
(Mr Weasley? Oh my days...)

A royal pardon was declared  
And you rode home in style  
But seeing Uther grovelling  
A sight to make you smile.

* * *

**Do you know what makes me smile? The fact that tonight I created a Facebook event for my friends entitled "Uther Memorial Night" In which we all must wear black, hold candles, and watch Uther's finest moments on screen. Such as when he married a troll. Or went mad. Or cried a lot. I've left the date open because, well, he's not actually dead yet. But you know... I think his clock is ticking. I cannot wait for this night. Ellie on the other hand - told me she doesn't know whether to laugh or cry. Bless her.  
Speaking of blessing... Bless your face. If you sneeze - or coughed - in this poem reading of whimisical doom, then bless you. Peace off.  
FORTHELOVEOFCAMELOT! **


	37. Our Voices

**Ah! It's Wednesday! **

**Okay, I know it isn't, but well..Emm sorry? I was working all Tuesday and Wednesday, and I was with Ellie all Monday TO Tuesday, at an awesome BBQ on Sunday (I chipped a guys tooth) and I was working on that Saturday. So... Not much time. And, I had to write this poem too, mind you. What happened to Ellie doing the AN? Pfft. Looks like your stuck with me again for another week guys. Sorry. **

**And, yesterday we got our exam results! That was pretty exciting. And, since Ellie is away in England all this week, I have absolutly no idea what she or Simona got! Let me guess Ellie's here though. Hem hem, Spanish A (In her prelim she beat a fluent Spanish speaker) German A, English A, History (Ellie - I got an A, so you better also!) Yeah we had history together. And how we got any work done, beyond me. Wait! Some of you, you awesome people who have been with us from the start, will know of our History woes from the old Author's Notes. It was where the poetry was born people! And as for biology, I have heard only bad things from the exam results.. So good luck with that Ellie! :( Maybe she'll review and so I can actually find out. **

**Well, I think it's safe to assume that you lot are in the hands of two very capable A level English students - So have no fear - We HAVE to do good poems now. Uh-oh... **

**I was just replying to the reivews, and it occured to me - Since season 5 is confirmed.. How long is this poetry going to last? I mean, next summer.. we are going to have no-one to write about! Geez... Maybe we will do episodes, or objects, or scenes, or other things that sound like hard work to me...**

**Emm.. Let's see what's going on in the world of Catherine. Going to try out someone else's horse on Sunday. If I like it, they will keep it and pay for it, and I get to bring it on and compete it. They are a little scared of it, see. It likes to bomb off with her. This should be fun... Still got my boys though. So I'll have lots of horses on my plate. Lovely juvely. Aaaha! (-That's how you write it Ellie)**

**Jelly: You are correct! You get a lovely Morgana cloak of evil swishyness. Mwah hah**

**Also, season 4 starts on October 8th? Is this actually confirmed? It ruins all our poetry plans! Plans go up to approx September 20th...something... Uh oh! **

**So this poem I wrote while listening to Black Beauty soundtrack - which is the best movie music I have ever heard. So I hope it at least has a bit of sad vibe to it. That was the plan**

**DISCLAIMER: The title "Our Voices" comes from the title of a song by Matthew Barber - and it's such a lovely song. So.. I don't own it. **

**Right.. Need to go get ready for work. Meh. Enjoy my friends. Also, the season 4 bloopers are up on YouTube if any of you haven't seen them. Colin + Cartwheel = Awesomeness. **

* * *

Our Voices

Cobwebs stretch from head to foot  
And dust clogs the clean air  
Safe and undisturbed for years  
No sight of human care

No sunlight makes its presence  
To light your bitter tale  
Just shadows in these hallowed halls  
This room - once home, now jail

For there you sit so calmly  
You've nothing else to do  
Trapped in a body worn with age  
You wait for your rescue

Your face tells of a decade  
That you were forced to wait  
Eyes full of sadness, yet some hope  
To cease this cruel stalemate

For you have heard the whispers  
Wandering in the wind  
Foretelling of a meeting, that  
For years had been destined

One day like any other  
The sun would rise and set  
But three travellers on a quest  
A day they won't regret

In came one, and then came two  
But soon they did unite  
To change events for ever more  
Before the moon showed light

Peek through the door, a stumble  
And then the door slammed shut  
You sense the power of the boy  
You feel it in your gut

His voice, it breaks the silence  
That you have grown to know  
He speaks with gentle hesitance  
And knew you were no foe

You heard his friend's attempts to  
Come set this young boy free  
You understand their importance  
Their unity - the key

So then he asks the question  
As if he hasn't guessed  
The only thing you wish for now  
Is just to be at rest

You've waited years just to see  
The start of a new time  
This boy who looks so innocent  
Has a mountain to climb

And now that time is dawning  
The legend of the King  
There's one more thing you must do for  
The future he will bring

For the quest was not the same  
As what they used to think  
The prize - more precious, for the past  
and future - it's the link

It does contain such value  
That's yet to be revealed  
And for the boy, more personal  
To help his heart be healed

But he is yet to learn this  
So he takes your gift with grace  
You tell him he's the chosen one  
Dark hours he will face

And in his eyes, a gladness  
He's rarely granted help  
And mixed with tears of sadness, there's  
Destiny to be made

For you know too well just how  
It feels to be alone  
From you to him, understanding  
In his face is shown

And now here comes the moment  
The tables now have turned  
It's his help now that you do seek  
A favour duly earned

You see he doesn't want to  
You know it must be hard  
For what you are now asking for  
His conscious could be scarred

You use your last strength present  
He kneels down at your feet  
And on your wrist, a blessing  
The long sleep you now greet

With open arms you welcome  
A chance to leave this hell  
Knowing you have left this place with  
Hope in your farewell

Perhaps you'll find a place now  
With halcyon like lands  
And there will stand your family  
Smiles and open hands.

* * *

**Hope it wasn't too easy! Pah, it probably was. Oh well, I hope it was nice at least. **

**If you sneezed, or coughed, or yawned (but not out of boredom) during this poem, bless you. - I have a feeling this list could get long. **

**Bless your face regardless.**

**Peace off! **

**FORTHELOVEOFCAMELOT! **


	38. Role Model

And iiiiiiiiit's **Eleanor**! Catherine has now gotten to the stage where she's sick of doing my work for me, so apparently I'm back again, for your, er, entertainment? Lucky you! ;) And why yes, lovely reader of this AN, today would be Wednesday. And do you know what that means? **WHIMSICAL POETRY OF DOOOOOOOM!** :D Yaaaay!  
So, let's get to it. A _certain_ eagle-eyed reviewer pointed out that due to Catherine's overexuberance as an AN writer she may have accidentally forgotten to say in her AN last week that the poem 'Guilty of Being Innocent of Being Jack Sparrow' was about... **Bayard**! Yep, I'm sure you all knew anyway! And now it would seem fit to tell you all (y'all?) ;) that the last poem ('Our Voices' which was beautifully crafted by Catherine) was about the **Fisher King**! Yup.  
Now, to business... A very serious matter has come to our attention. Catherine has notified me that our reviews have been depleting at a very dramatic rate and that we need to do something about this. Last week we got six reviews. Well, five and a half, I can't really decide if Simona's counts... But some weeks we've had _DOUBLE_ that! Ok, ok, yes it's summer and yes, people go off on holiday, but we still found time to write these poems for you... :-/ So, a huuuge thank you is in order to: tor62442, This Is Gallifrey, Blue Dragon of Rivendell, clumsybl0nd3 and Jelly (and The Anti-Grunhilda Party?) for sticking with us and keeping our morale just above suicidal! ;) Everyone else, and you know who you are, I won't name and shame you but we'd appreciate a review every now and then. This is poetry for the people, after all! It's nice if people just leave us a message with their guess of the character every so often. It just makes our hard work seem worthwhile! :)  
Ok, lecture over, now for the news! We started back at school yesterday, officially sixth years. Woo! Us prefects are a *_ahem_* good example of maturity in the school, especially when we skip down the corridors shouting at each other! :P Also, the girls had a LOTRathon but i couldnt make it, which made me muchos sad... :'( um... Cheerful thoughts, cheerful thoughts... It's National Catfish Month! Yaaaay! :)  
Crumbs, I don't know if there's really anything else to say... Oh wait! The unrepliable reviews! And they ARE pluralified, don't worry. First off: **Jelly**! Our loyal, faithful fan, thank you for all your loyalty and, um, faithfulness. Twas very loyal and faithful of you. :P Yes! You were correct! Well done, of course you were correct! :D And in Catherine's now-traditional style I feel I should give you a prize... Problem is, I don't know what she's distributed already... Hmm... You can have a handkerchief soaked in Uther's royal tears! Has she done that one? I don't know! Mwahahaha! A lovely snotty hankie for you anyways, m'dear! ;)  
And now **S'mona**, **G-Man**, etc... WHAT DO YOU MEAN: "liked the poems _cath_"? She wrote 2 1/2 out of the last 5, same as me! There is an Eleanor doing this too! It's not my fault I got dragged off to start riots and shizz in England! :'( and you only criticised Catherine's AN, you didn't even try and guess who it was! So no soggy handkerchief for you! (I love you really, simonce!) ;)  
Now Catherine (and probably Simona, come to think of it) may disapprove of this, but I thought I'd give another shout-out to **Samuel**! He said he'd look at this poem so we will know if you have, Samuel! Thank you for always helping me with Spanish and Latin! :) Don't forget to have your five a day, Samuel! :D  
Ok, well on my iPod at least this AN looks plenty long enough, so I think I shall leave it at that for now. Sorry about the lecture! :( This week's poyum was written by moi, unfortunately for you guys! I hope you enjoy it! :)  
POV = the audience/me

* * *

Role Model (by Eleanor)

A tallish man, a bulky sort  
But still in need of care  
With sandwiches of poultry smoked  
Brought by your daughter fair.

Then one morning you slept in  
A hangover, maybe?  
All memory of last night gone  
Don't be a big baby!

But doting daughter saw the lines  
Of blue upon your face  
Though no physician, she knew one  
And off to him she raced.

A boy who lingered in the dark  
Broke in at dead of night  
A spell and scented pillow meant  
That soon you felt all right.

From strength to strength you felt reborn  
And soon were back at work  
Until that smile fell off your face  
Thanks to the royal berk.

Though honesty's a policy  
You trust to be correct  
Little did you know the things  
That Arthur would suspect.

Your darling daughter sent to die  
For crimes she had not done  
Guilty only of loving care  
As Uther thought he'd won.

But lurking boy he saved her life  
Get out of jail free card  
You thanked him for his helpfulness  
As your exit was not barred.

But happiness was not to last  
Though it seemed at first  
Your health was now just not enough  
For riches you did thirst.

Daughter got suspicious when  
You gave her presents free  
You were so sure of your success  
Move over, royalty!

Hubble, bubble, blacksmith trouble  
Employer cast a spell  
From the sparkle, you could tell  
That this would not bode well.

You were right, as Arthur prince  
Burst in through the door  
A member of your family  
Imprisoned once more.

Treason was the word they used  
To explain your deeds  
But all you wanted was to pay  
For your family's needs.

A conversation with your child  
Sparked some hope inside  
You told her why you'd done the job  
You very nearly cried.

For she swore to set you free  
From behind prison bars  
But on cloudy nights, you know  
It's hard to see the stars.

"A gentle soul" the boy called you  
And, yes, that much is true  
For you would never hurt a fly  
The lurking boy well knew.

You had a royal visitor  
Into your dingy cell  
The guards took little notice, but  
A rat they soon would smell.

For though she spoke of little hope  
She passed it straight to you  
An inoffensive little key  
A fit you nearly threw.

In stormy weather you feigned sleep  
And made your great escape  
You'd run off to the countryside  
And there a living scrape.

But all of this not meant to be  
As cornered soon you were  
You pleaded but to no avail  
You they'd soon inter.

You left your daughter parentless  
And in this world alone  
No parting words to her you gave  
As she cried on her own.

But your sweet and gentle ways  
Had taught your daughter well  
A role model you were to her  
Does it make your heart swell?

* * *

May all of your faces be blessed.  
Yar, and thar it be... Yep, what Catherine said, you're all in the safe hands of two A Higher English pupils! :P You are dooooooomed, whimsically dooooooooomed! ;)  
Til next week, lovelies, **FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT**! :D  
(And don't forget to review.)


	39. Poor Unfortunate Souls

Audience? What are you doing reading this author's note? Yaaay, whatever the reason I'm glad that you are! Do you know what that means? You should, if you've already read poems 1-39… And this, being poem number 39, is all about… Hehe, you didn't think it would be _that_ easy, did you? ;) Hahahaha, lol. So, _last _week's poem waaaaaas… **Tom! Thomas Thomas!** **Gwendaddy! The Blacksmith! **Eckcetera… (I _know_ that's not how you spell it!)

The Unrepliable Reviews –

**Jelly: **I'm sorry but I have failed you in the bonus points department… I have googled 'Thomas Thomas' but to no avail, I have found only a kitchen company and a boxer. :-/ **(Catherine's guess - Is it by any chance a reference to the Colin and Bradley "quests" in which Bradley fails spectacularly at Merlin Mastermind? If so, do i get a prize? :D) ** Ah well, at least _you_ got something right, which is the name of last week's subject, which was Thomas Thomas! :P Your prize is a beautiful smelling organic poultice of, um, herbiness. And happiness. For you to put under your pillow and sleep to the soothing smell of magic. But keep the magic a secret! :O Now, I can't claim to be the bigger Merlin nerd out of me and Catherine but I'm pretty sure that Gwen mentions that to Elyan when he eventually shows up… I am not certain though… :S Ah well.

**I Make Good Jump:** I'm afraid you didn't make that jump… :'( It caused me muchos distress! But yes, you are also correct, my little Merlin Nerdlet. Have your very own poultice. ;) I agree, Jumpy, I didn't give poor Catherine enough credit. I can only hope that I made up for that in Elena-style hugs and niceness when she felt ill and being her (only slightly complaining) punchbag when she felt angry… Though I can make it up to her in… other ways too… ;) I'll poison her dog so it'll stop chasing that baby giraffe! :P **(- Guys, guys.. That was MY review! Cafwinks review! Oh, tee hee I am so sneaky and hilarious.) **

Speaking of our lovely Catherine, in a month and 2 days it will be her BIRTHDAY! :O And she will be 17 and allowed to drive a car, which is a terrifying thought! **(Where will I be going...? Out. What am I going to do with my life...? I'm gonna get what I want! ...Shoes... - YouTube reference, trust me, I don't really care for shoes. OMG, shoes. Let's get them! Hahaha.. Hem hem, anyways..) **Me, I'm sixteen for a while yet, so I'll just stick to my moped… ;) I wish. Public transport all the way guys! :P

So Catherine was off to the Edinburgh Fringe today! All right for some! :P And this weekend she's off to go see David Tennant and Catherine Tate in a play in London! :O Crazy crazy days! Me? Oh, I'll just be at home… Studying… :-/ The sad thing is that I'm not even joking… Ah well. **(Hem hem, let me clear my throat... Hem... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY. Thank you.) **

It's now coming up to university open day season! Scary stuff, the fuuuuuuuuture and all that! :O Wow. The game of life suddenly seems a little bit too real… I DON'T WANNA LOSE! :'( Yep, ok sorry about that. Um, and apparently the plural of 'prospectus' is NOT 'prospectii' as I'd hoped, but 'prospectuses'. Even Microsoft Word agrees with the abysmalness of the English language. Boo. :-/ **(POTATO.)**

And this week's poem was wonderfully written by the witty wordmaster of world-reknown and other 'w' adjectives…. Catherine! :D Yaaaaaaaay!

**DISCLAIMER: For reasons I cannot say, I shall give the disclaimers NEXT week. If you work it out.. You are very clever, and get a bonus prize of Morgause's eyeliner. So.. Spot the sneaky sneaky thing I have done in this week's poem. Good luck ;)**

POV = Me/You/Us/Camelot do-gooders in general/Kartoffels/Matt Damon/Spongebob Squarepants

* * *

Poor Unfortunate Souls

When you look me in the eyes  
There's something not quite right  
You've got me going crazy, but  
Not crazy with delight

You can call me paranoid  
But, well, you've got a tail  
So hold on, I'm sure it's quite strange  
Your creepiness prevails

So no-one will say to you  
Oh, hello beautiful  
You'll never cease your scheming ways  
No respite and no lull

But keep it real, you've got skills  
That earn you some respect  
But our good friend pushed you away  
On the floor you were decked

You're not much of a man though  
In way more ways than one  
So sorry, you are pathetic  
And human you are none

Off to the royal stables  
You make your daily trip  
To collect "food" much better for  
Your esteemed ladyship

Her every whim you answered  
No matter what the task  
Perhaps the lovebug you had caught  
But no one would dare ask

Your acting skills are classic  
Fake crying you perfect  
But don't speak lies, or soon enough  
You'll be the prime suspect

You last more than one programme  
A feat just in itself  
But life cut short, and now you're just  
A conquest for the shelf

But you just followed orders  
Not asking for a dime  
With that defence you now can plead  
"Don't charge me for the crime."

Yet for you, no second chances  
No redeem for your soul  
You mess with us, we'll mess you up  
That's just the way we roll

You're burning up with fury  
Still dead - to clarify  
I can't say that we're missing you  
So goodnight and goodbye.

* * *

**Oh, I am so sneaky, I amaze myself. This is Catherine, by the by. If you haven't worked it out. **

**So, as I said, prize for who guesses the extra special genius thing I have done this week.**

**Mwah ha haaa! **

**Peace off... FORTHELOVEOFCAMELOT!**


	40. Magic in Mind

What? That time of the week AGAIN? If I didn't know any better, I'd think it was this time of the week EVERY week! :O Madness, sheer madness! Oh well, welcome back to Whimsical Poetry of Doom with me, your host, Eleanor, and my faithful sidekick Catherine! ;) Ok, ok, I'm probably the sidekick out of the two of us, but never mind... Last week's poyumy pom-pom of _dooooom_ (by Catherine) was about... **Jonas**! As if you didn't already know! :P

And now I know you're (almost) all dying to know what the schneakity schneaky thing Catherine did to the poem was! Well, I'll tell you, the poem was about JONAS so the crafty minx jam-packed the poem full of Jonas Brothers references! :O There was a grand total of 17, including the Little Mermaid-esque title. Special congratulations go to Jelly, the sole winner of Morgause's eyeliner! :) Woo!

Now to the news that I forgot to mention last week! Catherine and I (and Simona, if you vaguely remember her at all…) ;) are officially on our school Diary Team, with Catherine being Overlord, I mean... um, Editor... Um, so every 2 weeks our school gets a page in the local paper with which to fill about what's happening in the school and all that jazz! So now our work is going to be officially printed! On official paper! Ooooooh! This writing thing is getting serious! :O watch out, world!

We also went to a Peer Tutoring Training evening on Thursday! And now we get to help out the ickle firsties-fourthies! Though, granted, Catherine and I aren't the tallest people in the world so they're not all exactly 'ickle' by our standards... :P And prefect duties are now officially up, so no rest for the wicked! :-/

**PLEASE NOTE:** Next week is chock-full of open days at universities which Catherine and I are both going to, so your weekly poetry service may be a little... Disrupted. We at Whimsical Poetry of Doom apologise for any inconvenience and/or disappointment caused during this time... ;) oh well, at least it's Catherine's turn next week! Blame her if you don't get a poem! Mwahahaha! :)

THE UNREPLIABLE REVIEWS: **Jelly -** the Jo-Bro fan among us! You were right on both accounts! Your whole review was correct! Even Catherine did something right! ;) Well done! As your reward you get your very own forged knight family tree, so you can lord it up over the peasant scum! :P **Annonymus -** Yes, indeedy it was Jonas, the be-tailed troll minion! :) Yes, Catherine is pretty inventive... But that is one head that I _WOULDN'T_ like to look into, trust me! :P Anyway, you receive a forged knight family tree for your correct guesstimation! Congrats, just please don't go bragging to Geoffrey about your blue blood! :O

And now I feel that I have said all I needed to say, so I shall leave you with the trite paragraph that follows this one of equal trite-ness, and of course, the poem. Tarala! :)

This week's poyum was written by moi, Eleanor, after a great deal of youtubing. Enjoy! Oh! And also… **ANNIVERSARY ALERT – 40****TH**** CHAPTER! **:O Wow! 40 Merlin poems… Crazy crazy awesomeful… :D

POV = me/Catherine/the audience/Batman/The Jonas Brothers 

* * *

Magic in Mind (by Eleanor)

You returned to your old town  
Once it was safe of course  
You rode right through the city gate  
Upon your cart and horse.

And though your face looked so benign  
And innocent of guilt  
We know that you've done some past deeds  
That made this flower wilt.

But from a chest locked up, shut tight  
You summoned up your pet  
Us viewers knew that this could be  
A stranger story yet.

One day in the market square  
You met a fretful wife  
Her husband was so deathly ill  
It filled her up with strife.

But you knew how to save the man  
And set him right as rain  
Customer satisfaction is  
So easily obtained.

There came a tapping on your door  
Deep in the dark of night  
The face that stared right back at you  
Did give you quite the fright.

Both reunited one time more  
You ushered him inside  
With your old flame back in your arms  
You very nearly cried.

He the charmer, you the tease  
It's just as things once were  
Except you're now both old and grey  
With no time left to err.

You're like those cheerful grannies, who  
Have dimples in their cheeks  
Most prominent during the time  
That you smile or speak.

But fear was now back in your eyes  
As Fluffy said hello  
He praised you for your foxy ways  
Which nature did bestow.

Though you protested, he said you  
Should use the man you love  
To kill a king and to avoid  
Punishment thereof.

So you agreed to help to plot  
The downfall of your man  
He read love letters in the dark  
Unaware of your plan.

He came next morn, as he had said  
And brought a hunk of meat... :S  
An odd gesture, but then again  
'Twas also very sweet.

One thing led to another, and  
Before the day was done  
He asked you to move in with him  
Was he just making fun?

He introduced the family  
And you soon felt at ease  
For Uther was now close at hand  
You evil minxy tease.

Time to milk your Fluffy-poos  
Of lovely venom black  
But yet you did not see the eye  
That peeped out from a crack.

In potions class you were a pair  
You both knew what to do  
Adding herbs into the mix  
Snape would have loved you two.

Convenience allowed you to  
Spike Uther's nightly drink  
But Merlin-boy surprised you and  
The phial fell with a clink.

You thought you'd got away with it  
And yes, you did, in part  
But the boy suspected you  
(He's really very smart.)

You volunteered to lend a hand  
With Uther's brew once more  
With your deadly poison you  
Could start a deadly war.

Uther gulped your potion down  
And soon succumbed to sleep  
Only a few knew of the black  
Within his bloodstream deep.

And Merlin knew you were to blame  
For Uthy's new ill-health  
He spent no time in saying so  
The boy must know no stealth...

Loverboy confronted you  
And asked you what you'd done  
Your tried and failed apologies  
Let Fluffy think he'd won.

Soon you were thrown into jail  
For, yes, treason's a crime!  
You confessed and blamed your pet  
While Gaius bought you time.

The king was saved and you rejoiced  
For you could now go free  
But Uther's hatred was too strong  
To even let you breathe.

Sentenced to death, you lost all hope  
As Gaius said goodbye  
But something else was hidden there  
A twinkle in his eye.

You told him of your innocence  
And that you're really good  
And how you'd loved him all these years  
You hoped he understood.

That he did, for next you knew  
You'd left that town behind  
Time to heal the sick again, with  
Magic still in mind. 

* * *

Bless all of you, regardless of sneezing capabilities.  
Til (hopefully) next week - **FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT!**


	41. How Green is Your Valley?

And it's yet another Wednesday on the Whimsical Poetry of Doom parade! Woopity woo! Last week's contestant was the tease, **Alice**! So well done, all who guessed correctly, which is to say... all... :P

So... It's all getting very busy around here. Catherine and I went to a partay on Saturday at our friend 'Morgana's. That's which character we've assigned to him, anyway. And yes, him! ;) So I suppose you could say that Morgana had a party, and Merlin, Gaius, Uther, Gwen, Sir Leon, Geoffrey, Hunith, Morgause and Mordred (sorry Catherine if I forgot someone) all went! :P With party fezs (what is plural of 'fez'? :S) adorning their heads. And nice cold tankards of mead while they played dodgy games of truth or dare. Not that *ahem* any of that happened, Merlettes and Merlads! :O

Um... Edinburgh University Open Day was on Monday… Catherine and I were both there, though sadly not together for a very long amount of time. :( it was a looong day! And was also Glasgow University Open Day, which was today. And I didn't see Catherine or Simona. At all. :'( but the uni was very Harry Potter-esque. You would have liked it viewers. Whoa, maybe some of you were there! How freaky would that have been? :O We might have walked past each other and never known… :O

Our first edition of the School Diary gets printed on Friday! It's very exciting stuff! Though I personally haven't written anything for this one, I think Catherine's written an intro or something, as editoress of the team. :)

Kooky month of the, um, month? Happy Hispanic Heritage Month! :) Sorry, there are others but I'm completely biased cos I do Spanish... Oh, all right, it's also National Blueberry Popsicle Month. Happy? ;)

**The Countdown**- Days til Simona's birthday: 9, Days til Catherine's birthday: 19, Days til Merlin restarts? It's (rumoured to be) only 31! :O how exciting is that, poem-readers of doom and fellow Merlin enthusiasts? *scream* ok, sorry... Um, I should probably stress that it is only a rumour, but still! :D

The Unrepliable Reviews - **Jelly:**Yes! It was Alice indeed! The manticore-bating weird old lady... I'm sorry but I have to disagree, the manticore was just plain ugly. On the one hand I wanted to feel sorry for it, but on the other I quite wanted someone to kick it... :$

This week's poem was written by Catherine, and I have been told to also mention that Simona was helpful too. Whatever that means... But yes. Be grateful to Catherine, readers, she worked her little cotton socks off to get this out to you tonight! (Aww!) Enjoy! :)

POV = Catherine/the audience/Tom Jones/Xenophilius Lovegood

* * *

How Green is Your Valley? (by Catherine)

I have to write a poem  
For everyone to guess  
The problem I now have is that  
You stay out of the press.

There's very little known  
Of your daily routine  
I know my words are limited  
Don't think I'm just being mean.

Our eyes first fell upon you  
You're working late one night  
Diggy diggy, what you've found  
Gives you an awful fright.

They say silence is golden  
But coins shine even more  
A few well chosen murmurs  
The truth out your lips pour.

Your new found "friend" is helpful  
He points out those who stare  
Your money safe from their hands, but  
Have you checked it's still there?

Your accent isn't helping  
Although I love it so  
It always makes me happier  
You're one good amigo.

For a while you vanished  
I missed your simple ways  
I had to wait a whole season  
Your comeback did amaze.

For there we found you lying  
Within your humble house  
Help summoned by your desperate wife  
Who knew you had a spouse?

You must be rather clumsy  
I know that for a fact  
For to be thrown of a horse  
That is a clumsy act.

Now death for you is certain  
Or so you have been told  
I'd hate to see you leave our screens  
Because you don't have gold.

Your orders now: stay silent  
Or instant death could fall  
What you thought was just fixable  
Could be the end of all.

The man, your only saviour  
Can cure you of your pain  
His means, questionable, that's true  
You better not complain.

And soon enough it's over  
You feel as good as new  
Although it cost you hard earned cash  
Well, what else could you do?

You hear a few days later  
Your rescuer was mad  
So that's why he was acting strange  
Why, what a bloody cad!

But there's a silver lining  
You now are fully well  
So maybe we'll see you again  
I hope, but cannot tell.

Some think you are an extra  
But simply put - they're wrong  
You're more than that, you're awesomeness  
I've known that all along.

* * *

Til next week - FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT! :D


	42. Uprising

_DISCLAIMER: Muse for the song title, Dad's Army for the reference and, of course, Merlin for the characters!_ :)

* * *

Another week, another Wednesday, another Whimsical Poem of Dooooom! :) Welcome back, or if you're new, just welcome, I suppose! ;) Last week's poem, which seems to have been more tricksy than usual, was the loveable Welshman **Tom**! (yes, yet another Whimsical Poem character named Tom!) "I don't feel like I'm dying" is a phrase _often_ quoted by Catherine and I in our worst (*ahem*, I mean best) Welsh accents! Though admittedly our part-Welsh friend whom I shall refer to as Morgause does the accent sooo much better! :P

Anyway, what's been happening this past week? Um... Catherine was all sad and stressed earlier in the week cos she had lots of homework and schoolwork and school subjects which require lots and lots of writing! :O but it's ok, Catherine, we love you! :D don't we, guys? ;) Don't worry, be happy. :)

Um, other stuff, other stuff... The School Diary was published in the paper on Friday! Wow! Colour photographs and everything, twas very impressive! Catherine already wrote (and had published) a beautiful little intro, but as Modern Languages Correspondent (booyah, my self-given title!), my first article is coming up because the French exchange is soon(ish). Which is just brilliant because, of the five languages offered at our school, French is one of the two I didn't take! :P ick, I'll have to TALK to people! Oh well...

**The Countdown** – Days til Simona's birthday: 2, Days til Catherine's birthday: 12, days til the rumoured beginning of Merlin season 4: 25 days! Woo! And Days til awesome triple-birthday-partay-of-doom: 10! :P

The Unrepliable Review(s) – **Jelly: **Yes! Um, random guy! Catherine's Merlin nerdiness may have been one step too far for the rest of you, in knowing the guy's actual name, but you did know who it was, which still deserves a lot of credit! So well done! :D Woo!

**Special Mention** – Although most of you knew who it was, (at the time of this AN being typed) only one special person actually got his name. A very _special_ person who goes by the mysterious screen name thing of **AutumnDragons** and whom we absolutely do not know, in any circumstances! ;) Um, um… Not at all. Stranger. Weirdo. Stalking me (and failing!) at Glasgow… :P (We love you really, Gwennie.) So well done 'AutumnDragons' for your correct guess. Bang tidy! ;)

Ok, the poem, i.e. the point of this whole palaver. Catherine, Merlin Nerd #1 guessed who it was from the title... I hope it's not that easy for you guys, I think it's just cos she knew who we had left on Ze List! (Dad's Army reference right there…) When she read the poem over, mature Catherine twisted some verses with her sick, sick, _sick_ mind and added her own M-rated verse to the end. This I have cut (thank goodness) and I've also changed the poem in case any of you are like-minded. I will preserve your innocence yet, readers! Unless you're too far gone already… :O Ah well, have fun with it anyway, lovely readers!

POV = me/you/Muse/Snips

* * *

Uprising (by Eleanor)

Close up on a lifeless man  
With barely one breath left  
A good Samaritan came to help  
But could not stop the theft.

For up you sprang and held him at  
Your sword's sharpened blade  
You gave him words of good advice  
Which were to kneel and pray.

Up in the air you floated high  
As noble knight refused  
So you ran him cleanly through  
By his valour amused.

And now scene change to darkest night  
And you're soaked to the skin  
Dressed as a knight of Camelot  
You rode so boldly in.

The Druid boy spoke in your head  
To guide the hidden way  
Yet this woke another, who  
Would have slept til day.

You crept to the Lady's chambers and,  
Awoke her from her sleep  
She saw the Druid standing there  
Her pet for her to keep?

But you she questioned forcefully  
And yet you told the truth  
A tale of lonely solitude  
Referring to your youth.

You mentioned a resistance to  
Uther's royal reign  
To free the magic 'cross the land  
And to cause him pain.

Though the ward had had some doubts  
You soon did change her mind  
Played her like a fiddle, as  
To Mordred she'd be kind.

So later she rode to your camp  
With crystal in her hand  
The plan had been successful, but  
The prize was in demand.

You comforted the princess with  
Your promises and charm  
A fragile almost moment there  
To emotionally disarm.

Charisma is the word they used  
For all your wily ways  
For seducing your supporters  
You deserve some praise.

The princess came to warn you 'bout  
The approaching storm  
From charmer then to renegade  
You had to quickly transform.

So you all waited for the prince  
And when the time was right  
You ambushed them and cut them down  
And thus began the fight.

You told the boy to run, for he  
Was too precious to lose  
You kept back the fighters, though  
'twas not a clever ruse.

Your friends now dead and battle lost  
And yet your life was spared  
Dragged back home to Camelot  
To the king who never cared.

On your knees before the king  
You took all of the blame  
And though he asked so patiently  
You would not name names.

Taken away with conscience clear  
Accepting of your fate  
You'd saved the boy, that much you knew  
The uprising could wait.

The princess came to say goodbye  
And gave you passage clear  
With your hands clasped through the bars  
And drugs mixed with the beer.

Away you ran into the night  
As warning bells did ring  
Betrayal did not go unnoticed  
By the frightened king.

But you had gone, the seed of doubt  
Now planted in her mind  
The kingdom crumbles from within  
A deadly deal you'd signed. 

* * *

Aaaaaand that's it! Hope this one's a little easier for you, folks. I'm sure it will be! But til next week, fans! FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT! :D


	43. Saga

Ok, this is a very very brief AN because I've just spent the last 3ish hours writing this and I want to upload it before midnight. Sorry for the wait guys, it was Catherine's turn to write last week's poem but I still don't think she's finished it and I forgot to remind her. I owed her a poem for her birthday anyway so this is it. Catherine, if you are reading this, I expect some MAJOR industrial-sized brownie points. It's not perfect, and it goes off the point, but it is a darn long poem and it took a lot of work. And that is IT for my Catherine homework for this week. You had better be grateful! ;)

Merlin Season 4 comes out this Saturday BBC1 7.50 Don't miss it. :)

A better AN shall be written next week, I apologise readers, I am just exhausted and feeling hard done by. For the love of Camelot. :)  
xxx

* * *

Saga (by Eleanor)

A birthday poem must I write  
For the show's leading man  
From prime time telly Saturday  
Into our hearts he ran.

For though he is quite scrawny  
He has a lovely smile  
Charming with his Irish wit  
And dashing sense of style.

But which of his heroic feats  
Can I in rhyme relate?  
Of saving damsels in distress  
Or royals from their fate.

For this young lad has saved the day  
Too much for me to count  
A happy ending every week  
No more could he surmount.

Episode one the dragon called  
We met a magic boy  
He saved a prince, who won a slave  
Which caused the warlock joy...

Second time a besnaked shield  
Imperilled Arthur fair  
But the day was saved again, for  
Camelot needs an heir.

Then Gwen was blamed of sorcery  
After a helping hand  
Three destroyed the evil beast  
The creature made of land.

Magic boy drank poison so  
Arthur went on a quest  
To find a flower to heal the boy  
Who surely must be blessed.

Lancelot the wannabe, he  
Shortly came to town  
Knighthood failed and all his dreams soon  
Fell tumbling far down.

Beetle boy he made a move  
On Gaius' job spot  
But brain-invading bugs were soon  
Good for nothing, squat.

Arthur was a fiancé, to  
A little pixie girl  
She tried to drown him in the lake  
'Til warlock a stick twirled.

Druid boy came bursting in  
Around episode eight  
First locked up and then set free  
Though Magic Boy was late.

An uncle dead then reappeared  
A sword was forged to save  
But truths about the royal folk  
Were brought up from the grave.

Warlock's mum asked for some help  
Which she received in force  
Childhood friend then died at war  
Warlock felt much remorse.

Unicorn slaying not a sport  
That one should take so light  
Several tasks now taken so  
To put the whole thing right.

The ward joined the other team  
Who appealed to her heart  
To kill a king, a sacrifice  
To save their magic art.

Prince got nommed and people then  
Lined up to take his place  
Life for a life, tis only fair  
An honour they embrace.

Then that was all for series one  
For warlock saved the day  
But still more trials are yet to come  
Shall I say it? "waaaaaay!"

An infiltrator made his way  
Into the prince's heart  
But souls were saved and friends remade  
Who had been pulled apart.

A bald assassin lanced a lot  
Into the prince's path  
But the killer broke his neck, when  
The stirrup snapped in half.

Morgy faked a kidnapping  
To find out who she was  
A rescue party soon returned  
Her to some great applause.

Gwen was kidnapped (but for real)  
Two heroes came to save  
Her from the rats and that they did  
Escaping through the caves.

A wedding 'twixt a troll and man  
Left most in disbelief  
The warlock could not save the day  
A double parter brief.

Catrina dug her trolly claws  
Into the king's cold heart  
But a dead prince did save the day  
Going back to the start.

Witchfinder extraordinaire  
Blamed everyone in sight  
But warlock worked his magic, and  
Everything turned out right.

Sins of the father came to light  
With sister's magic tricks  
A paternal battle waged  
Until warlock's quick fix.

Then the warlock fell in love  
With Lupin's sister sweet  
Killed but soon will live again  
In some odd magic feat.

Arthur fell in love again  
Once more against his will  
Though Gwen did save him, other girl  
Will madly love him still.

Alvarr smarmed his wicked way  
Towards a crystal bright  
But thanks to magic boy and co  
He fled into the night.

The people all slept on the job  
And warlock killed the ward  
Camelot was saved again  
Magic boy got no reward.

John Hurt got free and went pure rage  
Warlock searched for his dad  
Who died, boo hoo, but warlock knew  
More powers he now had.

With series two now out the way  
There's only one to go  
Until the one on Saturday  
The fourth, didn't you know?

Morgana (evil) now returned  
To play her wicked part  
Bringing forth insanity  
By breaking Uther's heart.

The dead got up and walked around  
And started up a war  
Many movie rip-offs, but  
Success for the main four.

Warlock let loose Weasley man  
And Gaius licked some gold  
But the mess was sorted out  
Goblin now controlled.

Episode four we met a friend  
Who saved the royal prince  
Not once but twice but still he's  
Banned from Camelot since.

Magic boy went to a cave  
And looked at what's to come  
He killed off some more royalty  
But saved her, oh dear, um.

Arthur was to marry changeling girl  
So pixies would rejoice  
But they talked like adults and  
They made the sober choice.

Elyan we met next episode  
Other stuff happened too  
But the long-lost brother, well  
Who the hell are you?

Courage, Strength and Magic  
Undertook a task  
Warlock met the Fisher King  
And got a water flask.

Yuck yuck yuck old people love  
And Alice, whom I hate  
With silly pets in boxes locked  
She was not worth the wait.

The ward she blamed ol' Guinevere  
For Arthur's true love deep  
Warlock went all old, then young  
That potion close he'll keep.

Dudley Dursley came to town  
With his old magic ring  
He forfeited the tournament  
To satisfy the king.

The holy Grail, a useful tool  
An army overrun  
Crowned queen of all Camelot  
Her pretending now done.

Round tabled amigos now  
Plot to restore the town  
Easy! Done! But now clean up  
And to restore the crown.

And there you go, the saga told  
Of one man still unnamed  
But his name lives on and on  
A sorcerer who's famed.


	44. I Must Not Tell Lies

Aaaaaaand you're back in the room! :P

Hiya, enjoy your hypno-snooze? Yep. Well this is Whimsical Poetry of Doom, my name is Eleanor and let's get on with it!

Last week's character of doom was the main man himself, Merlin. Which exhausted me quite a lot! But hehe, four points for meeee! :) and unlimited brownie points too!

Hmmm... Anything interestingly Merlin-related happen over the past week? Doesn't ring any bells... :-/ I mean, it's not like the first episode of the fourth series came out at all... Wait a minute, it DID! :O and according to Catherine I have to do it justice so here goes... (spoiler alert? I am just assuming all you guys have seen it so I dunno)

My random thoughts as i was watching it: Morgana evil black-clad cronie named Dennis trundling down the road, Morgause's face melted, Leon got his ass kicked, Arthur's being important, Uther's not doing anything (Anthea!) :'( , Merlin's being his cute self, chicken thief, evil uncle bad guy, Camelot feast, Morgy kills ugly stepsister, angriness and faintiness, Gaius got a clue, random girl, "call me Arthur", new threat. Ealdor yet again, creepy chicken awkward Gwaine, merlin failed, Camelot's in twubble, PERCY SAVES THE DAY! Merlin fwightened, Arthur too, let's make a sacrifice, Arthur no! Father-son heart to heart, Uther sad, not saying much, Arthur cries (Arthur no!) Uther sneaky sneaky dwarf, oh no you don't, goodbye Gwennypoo, off to top myself but you just tell me to take care... Merlin says goodbye to Gaius, off to top MYself but he don't care much either, Agravaine evil evil evil evil, love you Morgy, evil evil. Gang all go to a creepy castle, not safe, Percy says you're all gonna DIE! Merlin's a wood-collecting fiend, he and Arthur hide-a-lot, knights all come to save the day, Arthur wants to be a hero, no chance when Merlin's there - sit down shut up, calabunga! Arthur are you ok? Yup. Oh yeah, merlin, title character! Flipside. Frosty...

Phew! Well there you have it! Um... Other news that is exciting... I'm sure Catherine said there was something else. :-/ um. I haven't told her yet but she's on poem duty for the next two weeks cos I'm off to Americaaa for a school exchange. Ohio, woo! :) and because I got her an awesome birthday present (a Tobuscus t-shirt saying "if you sneeze while reading this shirt, BLESS YOU") and wrote last week's painfully long poem because she didn't finish her's. ;) and wrote both of my articles for the school newspaper thing in plenty of time, not that she's deigned to read one yet... :P

My infamous yet mostly reliable source of all Merlin-related news Catherine informs me that there could also possibly be a Merlin movie! :O how epic is that? Although she not-so-tactfully pointed out that Uther will probably be dead by then. :'( seeing as it's only "a matter of time"... :( HE SHALL LIVE ON IN AN EPIC FLASHBACK SCENE! :D Um, we had the triple-birthday party! :) and it was awesome. We manhunted (hunted men?) in the dark and ate 'ustipci' (kudos to Simona for the spelling!) with love from Gaius' mother and played Little Big Planet, Scene It and Truth or Dare, among other things. And now Simona's had her birthday, and also Catherine. Two down, one to go! Although JennGwen's is 14th October so she's being awkward and having it in the holidays yet again! :P

I apologise for the very poor quality of last week's AN, I had just written a 46-stanza poem in one go and my brain was pretty melted and I was not in a happy mood! :P but I'm writing this on the bus while I'm still hyper from toothpaste, so alles gut! :D I hope this one is a bit better, albeit rambly.

THE UNREPLIABLE REVIEW(S) - **Jelly**: Aww! :$ you're very sweet! It's not THAT great! But yes, twas about merlin and that is the main thing. :) I am sure Catherine is grateful for your birthday wishes.

This week's poem was written by Catherine. She finally finished it! ;) it's very very good as always, well worth the wait! Enjoy and I'll see you again after the hols, but Catherine shall see you same time next week! :) (yes catherine dear, I've now made that binding!) :P for the love of Camelot

**Catherine's Sneaky Ninja AN: **

**Hiya folks! Just wanted to say 'ello! Cause it's been ages since I talked to you lot. **

**Firstly - Merlin was EPIC. But I think Ellie summed it up so... uniquely that I shan't say much on the matter. Cept poor Merlin. I need to cuddle him. Right now. Where did I put him... **

**Thank you for all the birthday wishes, I had a great time... And I just got my last birthday presents today! (Yes.. two weeks after my birthday. They have been steadily flooding in. I think a lot of people forgot. How dare they! :) But my last present! From lovely lovely Sam who reads these. And he gave me a mug that read "Whimsical Poetry of Doom by Fortheloveofcamelot"! Aww Sam, I love you! **

**Which leads me on to Ellie - cause I love her too. That poem last week for me... That must have taken about the seventeen years she's almost been alive. My goodness, it was indeed a saga! Like Lord of the Rings, cept without the elves. And the orcs. And Sam, Pippin, Merry and Frodo. And the giant elephants. And a giant volcano of doom (Yes, I refer to the originally named, "Mount Doom") So... It's not really like Lord of the Rings at all. But we do have a wizard! And several men with swords! And we'll pretend Mordred is a hobbit and be done with it. **

**So Ellie is off to Ohio tomorrow! And will miss the next two eps of Merlin.. mwah ha haaaa. **

**Emm yeah.. So toodle pip homies. I just finished this poem. Sorry if it's rubbish. It can never match up to Ellie's superb writing styles. And I need to go to bed. Like now. Yes, now. Stop distracting me guys!**

**And damnation Ellie - landing next week's poem on me! Blagh! We'll see what happens folks. I'll try not let you down :)  
**

**POV - Me/Bilbo Baggins/Um_Bongo/Mad-Eye Moody**

**DISCLAIMER: Yes, the title is from Harry Potter... It's cleverly linked like that. Mwah ha haa. (Yes, this will be another link that only I seem to make. -Sigh-) **

* * *

I Must Not Tell Lies 

It started in a tavern  
One dark and dreary night  
You sat down at your table and  
Were bathed in lantern light

At your table seated was  
A man of good intent  
But swayed by power of the gold  
Spoke secrets, off he went

So now you had your info  
Your mission could begin  
Perched by the well, you know it will  
Be one big epic win

You didn't have to wait long  
Before you got your chance  
The Royal Prince out for a hunt  
Spares you no second glance

But his servant is stupid  
That everybody knows  
He can't even do up a girth  
Your benefit – his woes

So the Prince now hits the ground  
You rush onto your feet  
Hasten to make your presence known  
And make his clothes look neat

Scored an invite – and you feel  
Important with your stick  
A vital job – bashing bushes  
In woods filled with garlic

A sudden crash disrupts you  
From your essential task  
Your initial thought is to run  
Without waiting to ask

A spear flies past your vision  
And takes said beastie down  
With hesitance you take credit  
Only the servant frowns

Now nestled in the system  
Your plan begins to form  
A breakfast made fit for a king  
Your charade you perform

A trip down to the stables  
Is what's next on your list  
Your new found friend is mucking out  
You can't help but "assist".

Toss a ball of smoky doom  
You're such a caring guy  
He coughs and splutters – so easy  
You barely had to try

A sharp pat for the horsies  
And down the street they flee  
And then you find one pissed off Prince  
You barely hide your glee

A moment of pure genious  
Within an angst filled scene  
A word invented of pure class  
In improve, you're supreme

Cleared off the competition  
Now you can make your move  
Some sneaky night time raiding while  
Your guilt they cannot prove

Your eyes as big as saucers  
You've never seen such sights  
Your possibilities endless  
The sight, for you, delights

But forget those red rubies  
Put down those coins of gold  
Ignore that crown and priceless pearls  
Look what your eyes behold

You approach it with caution  
But grab it with great greed  
Your darkened eyes display the truth  
The evil of your deed

What suprises me the most  
Is that no one can see  
Your greasy hair – a neon sign  
That you're not our bezzie

Time for a manly battle  
Well, by "men", I lie  
Hair pulling and eye poking are  
enough to mortiy

But that night is the moment  
So don your feather cloak  
Shout words of such great wisdom that  
Great monsters then awoke

A killing and a maiming  
For you, a perfect night  
You strut around the city while  
The townsfolk get a fright

The one man who can stop you  
Appears among the fog  
A serving boy – who would have thought -  
Looks different in the smog

You see he has such power  
Perhaps greater than yours  
Although you try to persuade him  
He's wise to your allures

Your final bid – quite desperate  
To get him on your side  
You want to be him so bad that  
Your magic sould did glide

For one brief painful second  
A look was in your eye  
That told of sadness and regret  
And freedom, then you died.

* * *

**Till next time, my bruvas from anova muthva!**

**What did you think of the new season of Merlin? Let us know! I WANT TO HEAR! Emm.. read. I WANT TO READ. **

**Peace off! FORTHELOVEOFCAMELOT!**


	45. Night Fever

_In a land of myth and a time of legend, the destiny of a great kingdom rests on the poems of a young girl. Her name… Catherine. _

**Gaius' Chambers**

Merlin - Catherine! Thank goodness you're here!

Catherine - It was Cedric, okay! Last week's poem was Cedric! No need to shout!

Merlin - Forget about that, the kingdom is in terrible peril!

Catherine - Alright pal, hold your horses, I just got here. What's going on?

Merlin: I just told you, the kingdom is in terrible peril!

Catherine – From what?

Merlin – Emm… Well, there's a lot of shouting. And some running. And an old man fell over.

Catherine – So you have no idea

Gaius – I believe it to be the work of Morgana.

Catherine – Argh! Gaius! You ninja. Morgana? Are you sure?

Gaius – Well, no.

Catherine – Then why did you assume it was her?

Gaius – Why not?

Catherine – sigh- You're probably right. Come on Merlin, let's go save the day. Again.

* * *

**Random Corridor of Doom**

Catherine - Come on Merlin! We have no time to waste. My pen hand is ready and my quick wit poised. Let's do this thing!

-Slams into oncoming person-

Gwen - Ouch! Why does this always happen... -You!

Catherine - Me?

Gwen - What are you doing here? Get out of the castle!

Catherine - Woah, someone is tetchy.

Gwen - I saw what you wrote about me! How dare you say such things! I am not a - You know what I mean!

Catherine - Oh really? Flirted with any new guys since I last checked?

Gwen - I do not flirt with men! Men are unimportant, men are annoying.

Catherine - Not all men are annoying Gwen. Some are dead.

Gwen - You... Bitch! ... ARGH! -Storms off-

Merlin - Wow.

Catherine - Hmm, she calls me a bitch like it's a bad thing. Ah well, onwards, my dear friend!

* * *

**Throne Room**

Catherine - Have no fear... Catherine is here!

Arthur - Catherine? My love? Is that really you? This must be a dream!

Merlin - What the-

Catherine - Woah, Arthur. Easy, what's wrong with people today? Get off me! You're supposed to be the King!

Arthur - Am I?

Merlin - Is he?

Catherine - Well, seeing as the writers haven't bothered to clarify, let's just say for arguement's sake you are!

Arthur - But my love...

Catherine - Seriously, what is wrong with him. Has someone love juiced him? My god, not again.

Gaius - I believe I know the cause.

Catherine - Bloody hell, Gaius! Stop doing that!

Gaius - Prince/King/Prince Regent/Skylord Arthur may perhaps be overcome with joy due to the context of the poem you wrote about him.

Arthur - Such words... So eloquent.

Catherine - Ah, I remember now. We said he was perfect. I did not forsee... this.

Arthur - Anything I can do for you. Anything. Anything at all.

Catherine - Merlin, can't you know, do something?

Merlin - What do you mean?

Catherine - You know... Give him a little zap?

Merlin - You mean... Drugs?

Catherine - Oh my goodness! You lot are mental. Now focus! The people of Camelot are in peril?

Agravaine - Indeed they are. Uncontrollable panic. We cannot see a solution.

Catherine - Okay, who on earth are you?

Agravaine - I am Arthur's uncle.

Catherine - And when did you decide to come gandering into Camelot?

Agravaine - Well, I don't know. Sometime this year. I just did. Look, an explanation wasn't scripted for me, for I don't need to give one! I'm a good guy!

Catherine - Hah, yeah. Like an evil-clad, black-haired, suspicious-looking man could possibly have bad intent is just beyond everyone, am I right? -silence- Seriously, guys? No one sees the evil? Geez. No wonder Camelot is in panic, its rulers are brain dead.

Merlin - Catherine, you came just in time. We need your wisdom.

Arthur - But where is your accomplice? With her firey red hair and fierce temper? Her playful expressions and humerous mind? A petite form of perfection and intellect of a godess? Always by your side crafting words of great passion? Where is she? O, enlighten us! For her absence could be the doom of us ALL!

Catherine - No idea.

Arthur - Oh. Right, well in that case, let's move on. We need a plan of action.

Catherine - I agree. But if I am to make a decision of this importance without my poetry ally, then I must call on the second best thing. Bring in the knights!

Gwaine, Elyan, Leon, Percival - We are here!

Catherine - No! Not you useless lumps. Bring in MY kinghts!

-Knights enter-

Catherine - Ah, my comrades. Many battles we have fought, mostly among ourselves. Many trials we have faced, and then ignored and pretended they didn't happen. And many victories we have had, trying to claim all the glory for each own. But you are here now! Sir Simona, leader of my men-in-arms, any news to report?

Sir Simona - I am afraid we have grave news. Sir Laughy-Taffy the Grape has revealed her true intentions. She has joined leagues with Morgana.

Catherine - That conniving demon! I knew it, all along! No matter, she may think all is dandy but oh, we will show her our wrath. Am I right men! Or women! Or both! Who cares!

Sir Blue Dragon of Rivendell - We will stay united!

Catherine - Ah, Blue Dragon, one of my most loyal. I know you will stand by me.

Merlin - Another dragon! But.. I thought there was only one!

Catherine - You just wait till episode four this season Merlin. You have so much to learn. So much to learn... Hem hem, anyway, how do we control this rabble?

Sir Jelly - They need guidance.

Catherine - Well put, good man. You always know what to say. But how?

Sir Clumsybl0nd3 - Is it not obvious? They need a role model. A competent role model.

Merlin - ...Did she just fall over?

Catherine - Shh, she's clumsy. She's the third clumsy in fact. She is descended from a long line of clumsy people.

Sir tor62442 - Catherine, you must address the people.

Agravaine - My goodness, what a strange name you have, knight.

Catherine - Sir tor has lived many years, Agravaine. Many, many years. So many, she likes to keep track in so all can see. Her knowledge exceeds anyone I know. Which is to be expected, I suppose.

Agravaine - How extraordinary.

Catherine - Quite. So I shall address the people, yes Sir tor62442, you speak well. But what shall I say?

Sir This Is Gallifrey - A poem! Why of course, a poem! Craft a poem so magical it will resonate like the Ood's song to the Doctor! So powerful it will echo like the Master's ever present drumbeat!

Catherine - Wow.. Emm...

Sir This Is Gallifrey - At least poem that will stop them blabbering like a group of toddlers.

Catherine - Now that idea is much more plausible. A poem it shall be!

Arthur - A superb idea, Gallifrey.

Catherine - This is Gallifrey.

Arthur - I know it is. Well done, Sir Gallifrey!

Catherine - No... THIS IS Gallifrey.

Arthur - I know that, my dear.

Catherine - Oh, I give up. One more thing, tell me, Sir Simona, where is Sir hazelbunny?

Sir Simona - Ah, she took a leave of absence. Critically wounded.

Catherine - How did it occur?

Sir Simona - She fell off a bouncy castle.

Catherine - Those darn bouncy castles. They will be the death of us all.

Arthur - We have no time to waste. You must aid us, Catherine.

Catherine - Very well, I shall go to the balcony and proclaim thus. Hopefully they will heed my words and know who to trust.

* * *

Night Fever 

This one goes to those lonely souls  
You know just who I mean  
Who risk their lives each day but have  
One second on the screen

They've been there from the very start  
Great battles they have faced  
A couple die most every week  
We do not heed the waste

They have no names that they can state  
So they just shut their lips  
Occasionaly a plot-device  
The rebutt of our quips

So yes, at times they trip and fail  
At least they try their best  
When yet another flees the cells  
For them it is no jest

For they're important folk you see  
Their blood just tinged with blue  
It's their one single aim in life  
To come to your rescue

Is it not nice to have such aims?  
So simple and so good  
Cause they're the men you'd want to have  
Around your neighbourhood

We thought it an exclusive club  
The very best of all  
And yet it seems no matter what  
There's always more to call

There came five winters and summers  
They worked like ne'er before  
Then strutting in with much ado  
Four newbies hit the floor

And so they got all the credit  
They didn't even try  
To pull their weight - For them it seemed  
The rules didn't apply

So with that fame our good men sank  
Again into shadows  
Our unsung heroes must accept  
They're legends no-one knows.

* * *

**Are the townsfolk calmed by Catherine's words?  
What will Morgana and her new found cronie make of these developments?  
Does anyone in Camelot actually know what jelly is? **

**All will be revealed next week in WHIMSICAL POETRY OF DOOM!**

**FORTHELOVEOFCAMELOT! **


	46. Homewrecker

_In a land of myth and a time of legend, the extremely long author's note is able to be skipped if you like. Something about destiny and two girls. I don't really know what I'm saying. I never replied to the reviews, I'll get to that. Blah, blah, blah. And their names... Catherine and Eleanor. _

**Scene 1 **

**Cave of darkness, darkness, and more darkness. **

Morgana: Dammit! How did this happen?

"Sir" Laughy-Taffy the Grape: What? What did I miss? I was just practising my evil cauldron stirring, smirking best I could, ironing my pretty cloaks… And you just start yelling.

Morgana: It's that Catherine. She's here. In Camelot.

"Sir" Laughy-Taffy the Grape: No! And Eleanor?

Morgana: Absent, from what I hear.

"Sir" Laughy-Taffy the Grape: Then that is something, at least. But I wish it were the other way around. That Catherine… She saw through my disguise, right from the start. Never trusted me, that one.

Morgana: Who cares which one it is! As long as one of them is there, events are too bad to even evil smirk at - And I need to evil smirk! That… Menace has thwarted my plans. Her poem made the people see order, they now follow those knights with… With respect!

"Sir" Laughy-Taffy the Grape: Shall I… dispose of them?

Morgana: Now, now, "Sir" Laughy, not so obvious. No, as evil sneaky witches of doom we must be subtle at all times – not that anyone notices us anyway.

"Sir" Laughy-Taffy the Grape: Does that mean I get magic?

Morgana: Don't be stupid. Now… We need a new plan.

**Scene 2 **

**Council Chambers**

Catherine: Guys, we have a major problem.

Sir Jelly: Where the hell have you been? We've been waiting here in suspended animation in this throne room for two whole weeks!

Catherine: I bring –

Sir Tor62442: Two weeks!

Catherine: But I –

Sir Clumsybl0nd3: TWO WEEKS!

Catherine: Okay, I get it! But I bring grave news.

Sir Blue Dragon: Yes, yes, Uther's dead. That was sooo two weeks ago.

Sir Clumsybl0nd3: TWO WEEKS!

Catherine: Look at this! –Holds out hand-

Sir This is Gallifrey: Eww! What is that?

Sir Jelly: That's disgusting. Can I touch it?

Sir Simona: Who would do such a thing?

Catherine: This, my friends, is writer's block.

Sir Tor62442: It's a lump of wood. On your hand. A lump of wood, on your hand. Wood on hand. Hand of wood. Urgh.

Catherine: I was just walking through the woods, stalking Merlin, as you do, when all of a sudden this block appeared on my hand. I mean… What do I do with this? It's useless!

Sir Simona: I have an overwhelming urge to burn it…

Gaius: It must be the work of saucery…

Catherine: Argh!

Sir Simona: You mean sorcery.

Gaius: That's what I said, sauce-cery. It's the work of Morgana for sure.

Catherine: Why?

Gaius: It just is, okay!

Merlin: Well, that's just great. Without your weekly poem to rally the troops, we are doomed. Whimsically doomed!

Catherine: Ah-ha! Not exactly. You are forgetting my partner in lyrical rhyme, Eleanor.

Sir Clumsybl0nd3: But Eleanor has been missing for weeks.

Catherine: Not missing, just not here.

Merlin: She's been in mourning. Uther's death – hit her hard. I managed to locate her mourning place.

Sir Simona: Then we must go to her and request her poetic aid!

Catherine: Aye, avast! Oh, hold on… My arm is too heavy. Go on without me, I'll meet you… later… When you've had all the fun. Hurmph. Stupid arm.

**Scene 3**

**Where else? The Tavern. **

Sir Jelly: Wow, what's with all the candles?

Sir Tor62442: -cough- And the smoke. This is a health and safety hazard for sure.

Sir Blue Dragon: Oh no… There is no possible way any human could drink that much.

Sir Jelly: But they are all empty.

Sir Simona: We must focus, men. Or women. Men-women. Things. Ah-ha! There is Eleanor's manservant – Sam. Look, there, he has seen us!

Sam: Houston, tenemos un problema.

Sir This is Gallifrey: What on earth did he just say?

Sir Simona: Ah, I believe it's Spanish. A wise one, that boy. Uses Spanish as a defence mechanism, baffles us completely, and then BAM!

Sir Clumsybl0nd3: Argh!

Sir Simona: Es un corridor veloz.

Sir Blue Dragon: Oh not you too.

Sir Simona: Knights, ignore the chap. Focus on the target. Locate, secure, extract. Remember the plan. Eleanor! Are… Are you okay?

Eleanor: Leave m-meeeee (laughs) ALONNNNEEEEEEE (cries)

Sir Simona – For the love of Camelot, what is going on?

Eleanor: I'm a dwarf and I'm digging a hole. Diggy, diggy, hole, diggy, diggy hole….

Sir Jelly: Boss, is she –

Eleanor: DIGGY HOLE DIGGY HOLE DIGGY DIGGY DIGGY HOLE

Merlin: -normal?

Eleanor: Shhssssssssssssssssssssst. Shst. This is a memorial service. I want RESPECT!

Sir Simona: Right… Eleanor, my Lady, I must tell of you a…. Hold on, Arthur? Geoffrey? Agravaine? What's going on here?

Arthur: Never you mind. I ammmmm NOT drunk! Hahaha!

Sir This is Gallifrey: My god, this is quite possibly the strangest thing I've ever seen in my life.

Sir Simona: Catherine is in dire need! She has caught the writer's block! It must be the work of sorcery.

Eleanor: U-Uther used to say that. (Sobs)

Merlin: Oh dear.

Arthur: For once, Merrrrrrlin, I entirely agree.

Sir Simona: This is impossible! Eleanor, you must help us!

Eleanor: Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam…

Sam: Sí?

Eleanor: Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, SAM!

Sam: Sí?

Eleanor: SAM, SAM, SAM, SAM!

Sam: YES?

Eleanor: I need another drink. And… And… And make them go away.

Arthur: Bring on the rum!

Sir Simona: And you Agravaine? You don't even like Uther.

Agravaine: Hem… Sure I do. I loved him. I never wanted to brutally dethrone him, stab him and humiliate him in my life. Never!

Eleanor: I loved him too!

Arthur: And me!

Geoffrey: And me!

Questing Beast: And me!

(Stunned Silence)

Questing Beast: Yeah, I'm just gonna go.

Sam: Ay! Me picó una abeja.

Merlin: What the…

Arthur: Now leave! Leave us to mourn.

Merlin: But...

Arthur: Sam, get the throwing knives!

Sir Jelly: You're not really going to... ARGH!

Sir Simona: Tactical retreat, tactical retreat! Quick, Clumsybl0nd, take all the drink! Retreat!

Sam: No el ron!

Sir Simona: Grab that random, obviously-not-important-whatsoever piece of paper!

Merlin: Got it!

Sir Simona: Now, re-group at the super secret hiding place!

**Scene 4**

**Merlin's Room**

Sir Tor62442: Well this is cosy.

Catherine: Ouch, stop sitting on me! Who's foot is in my face? What's going on?

Merlin: Excuse me, let me pass. Ow! Catherine, things are not good.

Sir Clumsybl0nd: I got the booze!

Knights: Hurrah!

Sir Simona: Eleanor is taking the death of the King badly. I do not know what is to be done.

Catherine: Then we are doomed. Stupid, stupid wooden hand of… Stupidness!

Sir Simona: Not quite. I happened to come across this. I thought it might me of interest.

Catherine: Are you a complete idiot? Don't try and hand me it, I have a WOODEN HAND. Hold it up. Oww, Jelly, move your sword, it's in my… NOT THERE! Ouch. Hold the paper steady. Now…

* * *

**Homewrecker**

The day the circus came to town  
We always did suspect the clown  
You tried to steal the golden crown  
The day the circus came to town.

You played a game of deadly darts  
You messed with kings' and peasants' hearts  
You smiled deep into the dark  
You played a game of deadly darts.

You slipped a sleeping poison in  
The apple given with a grin  
He should have thrown it in the bin  
You slipped a sleeping poison in.

The potion worked its wily ways  
You numbered all the prince's days  
Imagining King Odin's praise  
The potion worked its wily ways.

He was not in his chambers there  
He'd left the bed all cold and bare  
He had to be around somewhere  
He was not in his chambers there.

You dealt with guards outside the door  
Of the king, for you were sure  
'twas where he'd be, you heard him snore  
You dealt with guards outside the door.

Sneaky sneaky dwarf you were  
Creeping in without a stir  
But princey saw your reflect blur  
Not so sneaky dwarf you were.

He tried to fight, to no avail  
There really was some epic fail  
He moved as slowly as a snail  
He tried to fight, to no avail.

But Uther came and saved the day  
In his own wee special way  
He bought time, some more delay  
Cos Uther came and saved the day.

He beat you fair and square, my friend  
And you to Hell he now will send  
As your life now shall surely end  
He beat you fair and square, my friend.

You felt the sword go plunging in  
Your chest, which cracked as quick as sin  
Your face wore one last ghastly grin  
You felt the sword go plunging in.

But you went down with quite a fight  
You stabbed him back with all your might  
And now the days are black as night,  
Cos you went down with quite a fight.

* * *

Catherine: Wow

Merlin: That was… So sad.

Sir Simona: Poor Eleanor.

Catherine: But… Yes! I know what to do!

Sir Blue Dragon: What?

Catherine: Well… It is all a matter of – (Door slams open)

Laughy-Taffy the Grape: Hello sweetie.

* * *

Sam: Ahh…no me queda bien esta camisa, tengo que devolverla.

Eleanor: I agree, Samuel. I agree. (Hiccup) Why has all the rum gone?

* * *

**_What's going to happen in this ultimate showdown?  
Will Eleanor ever get sober?  
What on earth was Sam saying?  
Will vegetables ever catch up on these poems?_**

**_Find out next time! _**

**FORTHELOVEOFCAMELOT!**


	47. Questions

Hi! This is Eleanor, and I am temporarily back as I upload this for Catherine! She deserves all the credit for this week's poem and AN though. Well, she did Scene 1 of the AN and I did Scene 2. You can probably tell! :P And a shout out to Grace, our new reviewer! Welcome. :)

**Scene 1**

**Room of Darkness, Crampedness and General Squallidness**

**Catherine:**You…

**Sir Jelly:**Me?

**Catherine:** No. Her…

**Sir Tor****62442****:** Oh, me.

**Catherine:** No! That one!

**Sir This is Gallifrey****:** Guys, she means me.

**Sir Clumsybl0nd3****:** It's definitely me.

**Catherine:** If only this room wasn't so damn small. Who chose this as a meeting place? It's ridiculous!

**Simona:** Well... It's cosy! I didn't see you coming up with any ideas.

**Merlin:** What on Earth is going on?

**Catherine:** HER!

**All:** Who…? Argh!

**Sir Blue Dragon****:** Laughy-Taffy the Grape!

"**Sir" Laughy-Taffy:** That's Sir Laughy, if you don't mind.

**Sir Blue Dragon:** Oh, I do mind, you –

**Sir Leon:** Lady Catherine! There's been an intruder!

**Catherine:** Well, thank you Leon. You really are observant.

**Sir Leon:** We are yet to ascertain the identity, but we will find him, do not fear!

**Catherine:** Or her...

**Sir Clumsybl0nd3****:** Who, me?

**Catherine:** Not again... Leon, go away. You are not helpful to me while I am in this fragile state.

**Simona:** Right Laughy, how dare you show your face in this castle of whimsical doom?

"**Sir" Laughy-Taffy:** I miss you guys...

**This is Gallifrey****:** Liar.

**Sir Tor****62442****:** Sneak.

**Sir Blue Dragon: **Monster.

**Sir Clumsybl0nd3****:** Traitor.

**Sir Jelly:** Dumbledore!

"**Sir" Laughy-Taffy:** Honestly, I didn't mean to go away! I want to be a knight again. I love Camelot… and its people… and its *ahem* so-called ruler.

**Sir This is Gallifrey****:** Hmm…

**Sir Clumsybl0nd3****:** She does seem earnest.

"**Sir" Laughy-Taffy:** …I hate magic?

**Sir Tor****62442****:** Well, that does it. She is definitely not evil.

**Sir Jelly:** I concur.

**Simona:** Wait, something doesn't seem right. I can't quite put my finger on it…

**Catherine:** Ah-ha! I see it now! It is clear to me! Laughy-Taffy…. Is wearing black!

**All**: *Gasp*

**Sir Jelly:** No!

**Sir Blue Dragon****:** It's true! She's evil!

**Simona:** Is that an eyepatch?

**Sir Clumsybl0nd3****:** Black eyeliner for sure. How could we not have seen this?

**Sir This is Gallifrey****:** Oh Catherine, if you hadn't been here! We could never have noticed that oh-so subtle and understated hint.

"**Sir" Laughy-Taffy:** Dammit! You have foiled my plan! Damn you all… you clotpoles!

**Simona:** Oh no…

**Merlin:** You did not just go there.

**Sir Clumsybl0nd3****:** Oh snap.

**Catherine:** Everyone put the swords down. Just calmly put the – Holy cow, Tor! Where the hell did you get that shotgun?

**Sir Tor****62442****:** Say hello to my little friend.

"**Sir" Laughy-Taffy:** You have to catch me first! Mwahaha!

**Simona:** After her! For the love of Camelot!

**All:** FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT!

**Catherine:** Jelly, Merlin – Hold on a sec.

**Sir Jelly:** But my Lady, the battle –

**Catherine:** Jelly, Jelly Jelly… I need you to do an important task for me. You must go to the tavern.

**Sir Jelly:** The tavern? But –

**Catherine:** The tavern. And bring back Eleanor and Arthur. We need them.

**Sir Jelly:** But I must fight!

**Catherine:** I don't think you're ready for this, Jelly. Now go. Merlin, fix this darn hand of mine. I know you can do it, and frankly I was quite stupid for forgetting you are an all powerful wizard of awesomeness in the first place.

**Gaius:** Here is the spell...

**Catherine:** Gaius! Stop doing that!

**Merlin:** I shall do it now then. Keep your hand still. Ælwiht stocc egesa sé æswutol þes ides néahlic stybb flíeman!

**Catherine:** Did you just say that this hand thing almost made me a tree?

**Merlin:** Maybe…

**Catherine:** But… It is gone! I have a hand! I have fingers, oh glorious fingers! Give me paper – I must write!

**Merlin:** Now's not really the time…

**Catherine:** Be silent, fool! I can write! Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day…

**Merlin:** You must save your knights!

**Catherine:** I've got a beautiful feeling – Meh, I suppose you're right. *sigh* Come on then. Let's go save these guys from their own stupidity. I never actually gave them any sword training…

**Scene 2**

**Throne Room**

**Sir Tor****62442: ***maniacal laughter* Take that! And that!

**Sir Clumsybl0nd3****:** Ow! Ow! It's _me_, you psycho! You're supposed to be aiming for _her_!

**Sir This is Gallifrey****:** Who, me?

**Sir Clumsybl0nd3****:** NO, you idiot! Laughy-Taffy!

"**Sir" Laughy-Taffy:** I haven't been in many fights, but this is just pathetic…

**Sir Blue Dragon****:** Sword… So heavy… Must lift it!

**Simona:** Now where did I put my super-secret weapon?

**Merlin:** Oh dear…

**Catherine:** For once Merlin, I entirely agree.

**Sir Clumsybl0nd3****:** Catherine! You must help us! She is too powerful and evil a sorceress!

"**Sir" Laughy-Taffy:** …I haven't even _done_ anything yet!

**Merlin:** Catherine, we need to do something!

**Catherine:** But look! Look how the sunlight is shining through the glass, upon my free and beautifully creative hand - I simply _must_ write about all this drama! With, um, said beautiful hand!

"**Sir" Laughy-Taffy:** ál nrysc áflygennessa!

**Sir This is Gallifrey****:** Argh! Fire, one of my many weaknesses!

**Sir Blue Dragon****: **How did she know?

**Sir Clumsybl0nd3****: **Simona, where did you get that marshmallow? And why must you choose this moment to toast it?

**Simona: **War is sweet to those who haven't experienced it. Like marshmallow. But marshmallow is still sweet once one has experienced it.

**Merlin:** …Catherine! This is no time for whimsical poetry! We are facing impending doom! DOOM!

**Sir Tor****62442:** Hey, Sir This is Gallifrey?

**Sir This is Gallifrey:** Yes…?

**Sir Tor****62442: **Got your nose!

"**Sir" Laughy-Taffy: **This is pathetic! Heeeeeeyah!

**Sir Clumsybl0nd3: **Oof! When did you become a ninja as well as an evil, magic-wielding sorceress of darkness?

"**Sir" Laughy-Taffy:** It comes with the costume.

**Catherine:**What rhymes with "purple"?

_*Doors to Throne Room crash open*_

**Eleanor: **WHERE IS MY RUUUUUUUM?

**Sir This is Gallifrey:** It's Eleanor! We are saved!

**Merlin:** Thank goodness.

**Samuel: **Me gustaría volver a mi casa.

**Simona: **Yo tambien. Mi malvavisco es frío.

**Sir Jelly:** Lady Catherine! I found them! But Arthur can't appear to walk properly…

**Arthur: **Get off me, Gwen, you know this is inappropriate! What if someone sees?

**Sir Jelly:** The only way I could get him to come with me was by telling him I was Gwen, m'lady…

**Eleanor:** Firstly, what in the name of all things swampy is going on? And secondly, more importantly of course, why is the rum gone?

**Arthur:** _Wandering_ _hands_, Guinevere!

**Sir Jelly:** Sorry sir. Couldn't resist…

"**Sir" Laughy-Taffy:** Ah, so now the whole gang is here, yes? Good. That means I have you all _right_ where I want you…

**Catherine:** Oh no. Um, Eleanor…

**Eleanor: **Um, Catherine. Catherine!

**Catherine:** Eleanor! Um!

**All: **UM!

* * *

Questions (by Catherine)

People knew the rumours  
The whispers we could hear  
They told of grief and loss and rage  
Now can you smell the fear?

Then the decree was ordered  
Confirmed were all our fears  
The guards began their duty  
Now can you hear the tears?

Homes burned down like paper  
Revenge - his only gain  
Like vermin, my friends murdered  
Now can you feel the pain?

Cast out from everything we knew  
Great miles we had to cross  
To find a new beginning  
Now can you see the loss?

Many years of hiding  
My people simply wait  
Our anger slowly brewing  
Now can you sense the hate?

We're chomping at the bit, for  
You have made a desperate man  
We'll do whatever's needed  
Now can you guess the plan?

Brave martyrs now step forward  
In unison, hearts thud  
The fight is just beginning  
And can you taste the blood?

You may be big and mighty  
But we are made of more  
And we will not be frightened  
Now can you stop the war?

With never-ending circles  
It's a struggle that will last  
A scar that bleeds will never heal  
Now can you fix the past?

Yet the hate continues  
With tooth and claw we fight  
Our freedom, all we beg for  
How can you sleep at night?

How can you sleep at night?  
Can you hear our plight?  
And do you still think that you're right?  
How can you sleep at night?

* * *

Duh duh duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh! To be continued...

Will Eleanor ever find her rum?  
Will This is Gallifrey ever get her nose back?  
Will Laughy-Taffy's evil plan work?

Tune in at some point in the future to find out!  
**FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT!**


	48. And Now For Something Different

Hey, it's Simona here, bringing you another dose of whimsical poetry…

**Scene 1  
Back to the Throne Room**

"**Sir" Laughy-Taffy: **léoþwyrhta unáfylledlica ádihtaþ þæm forþscype yfelaþ.

**Sir Tor62442: **What's happening? I can't see anything from all of this smoke.

**Sir This is Gallifrey****: **Does anyone smell chicken?

**Sam****: **Donde está Eleanor?

**Simona:** Where's Catherine?

**Merlin: **Who keeps touching me?

**Sir Clumsybl0nd3: **Sorry, I was going for Arthur…

**Arthur: **Guinevere! What did I tell you about those hands!

**Sir Jelly: **Spoil sport…

**Gaius: **Would everyone please SIMMER DOON!

-silence-

**Gaius: **Now that the smoke has cleared can we all just try to find out who fell prey to Laughy-Taffy's spell?

**Sir Blue Dragon: **Speaking of Laughy-Taffy, where did she go?

**Sir This is Gallifrey****: **She just disappeared… leaving a grape in her place.

**Simona: **Her calling card…

**Eleanor: **(groggy) Woah… what happened?

**Catherine: **(hazy)Why am I lying on Eleanor?

**Sir Tor62442: **It was Laughy-Taffy – she cast a spell on you.

**Sam: **¿Estaís bien? ¿Estaís heridas?

**Merlin: **Yeah… what he said…

**Eleanor: **I think I'm okay… just slightly disorientated…

**Catherine: **Yeah, same. I mean, do we look okay – we don't have grapes for noses or anything like that, do we?

**Sir Clumsybl0nd3: **You look fine – you still have one nose, 2 ears, 3 eyes-

**Catherine: **I have a third eye?

**Sir Clumsybl0nd3: **Just joking!

**Sir Jelly:** So… her spell did nothing?

**Gaius: **Seems like it – well enough chit-chat, get on with this week's poem!

**Catherine:** Okay, okay, hold your horses! Eleanor, if you have the paper and I have the pen, then let's go write some poems about Mer-PINEAPPLE!

**Simona: **Uh, don't you usually randomly shout 'POTATO!'?

**Catherine: **I wasn't trying to say 'POTATO!', I was trying to say 'Merlin' – you know, so it rhymed.

**Eleanor:** Ahh, Catherine, have you forgotten how to rhyme, m'dear? Well, have no fe-PORRIGDE! (shaky) Okay.. let's try that again… Have no fear because I'm he-PLATYPUS! With my rhyming ge-PENGUIN!

**Sir Blue Dragon: **What's going on?

**Sir ****Tor62442: **They can't rhyme!

**Sir ****Clumsybl0nd3: **We're all going to die!

**Sir This is Gallifrey****: **Curse you, Laughy-Taffy!

**Simona: **Gaius, isn't there anything you can do?

**Gaius: **Well… I could write this week's poem.

-silence-

**Simona: **What about you Merlin? Do you know of any way to reverse the spell?

**Arthur: **Why would Merlin know? He can't even polish my armour!

**Merlin: **Says the person who can't even put on his own armour!

**Arthur: **Yeah, well… so's your face.

**Sir Blue Dragon: **That doesn't make any sense…

**Arthur: **Catherine says it all the time.

**Sir Jelly: **Arthur, please don't attempt to use 21st century insults – they don't suit you.

**Arthur: **Right… Gwen, the advice was appropriate – your hands were not.

**Sir Jelly: **Damn it!

**Catherine: **Guys, can we please try and figure out a way past Eleanor and I's condition.

**Sir ****Tor62442: **Okay, who here is skilled in the art of lyrical rhyme?

**Gaius: **(puts up his hand)

**Sir ****Clumsybl0nd3: **Is there anyone else…

**Gaius: **(shakes his hand furiously)

**Sir This is Gallifrey: **Oh well, it seems there is no one else…

**Gaius: **Oh,for the love of Camelot!

**Simona, Eleanor, Catherine: **Yes?

**Gaius: **Nothing… I was just annoyed…

**Simona: **Oh, I think he was using our pen name in vain.

**Catherine: **Hmm, we really should have thought about this kind of incident occurring when we were thinking of a pen name…

**Eleanor: **Meh.

**Sir Blue Dragon: **So what is going to happen with this week's poem?

**Sir Jelly: **Well, none of us are skilled in poetry writing so there's really nothing-

**Gaius: **OH, FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT!

**Sir ****Clumsybl0nd3:** We were just joking, Gaius…

**Gaius:** Oh… okay.

**Simona:** If you think you can write the poem then go for it.

**Gaius: **Of course I can! Now, here's something I prepared earlier...

* * *

Yo, Merlin, my stalker, my dawg, my homie,  
my wiz kid, roomie and my only;  
friend, family, nephew, man,  
apprentice, dude – my number one fan!

Listen, dude and listen well,  
stop reading that magic book  
and learning that spell.

You need a girl,  
for just one night  
to rock your world  
til the morning light.

So, come on, let's party,  
let's stay out late!  
And for once in your life  
don't worry about fate.

Just clop up to the club  
and it's all hoppin'.  
Wenches serving;  
Booties boppin'.

See as a guardian,  
I understand,  
I give advice  
that you demand.

So I have a chat-up line  
that you can try:  
"They call me the Dragonlord,  
wanna know why?"

It'll make you the one and only, number one player;  
an all around, straight up, guaranteed slayer.

The ladies will love you  
(and so will their moms).  
You'll set them alight,  
like you're blowing up bombs!

Oh.  
Lordy.  
There's my ex,  
(I met her when I didn't practice safe hex).

Ha, ha, hee,  
that looks like your mother…  
OH MY WORD,  
THAT IS YOUR MOTHER!

QUICK! HIDE!  
RUN OUTSIDE  
TO WHERE I PARKED

THE RIDE.

CLIP! CLOP!  
OFF WE GALLOP  
DON'T HAVE TIME  
TO TROT!

LAND HO! HI HO!  
NEXT TIME WE'LL PULL  
BEFORE WE GO.  
HI HOE!

* * *

-silence-

**Simona:** Well… that was… different.

**Scene 2  
Cave of cavey-caveness – complete with cave noises.**

**Morgana: **Ah, Laughy, my trusty co-she witch of DOOM, what have news do you bring from those wretched poets of DOOM?

"**Sir" Laughy-Taffy: **Oh, it was swell – I attacked them with an anti-rhyming spell!

**Morgana: **Why are you rhyming?

"**Sir" Laughy-Taffy: **I am? I wasn't paying attention to my timing.

**Morgana: **Wait, you cast an anti-rhyming spell?

"**Sir" Laughy-Taffy:** Yeah, it's the only thing I do well.

**Morgana: **So where did their rhyming energy go?

"**Sir" Laughy-Taffy: **Uh… I don't know…

**Morgana: **You fool! You twit! Because of your carelessness you've landed us in this sh-

"**Sir" Laughy-Taffy: **PIT! That was the word you were meant to say before another word got in the way. So what happens now that we're stuck in this rhyme?

**Morgana: **Soon we won't be able to speak a normal, everyday line!

"**Sir" Laughy-Taffy: **Ahhhh!

**Morgana: **Bahhhh!

"**Sir" Laughy-Taffy: **How is that rhyme – it was just the word 'ahhhh' with a 'b' in the beginning!

**Morgana: **My patience for your insolence is really thinning…

* * *

**Will our heroines be able to get their whimsical rhymes back?  
****How will Morgana and Laughy-Taffy cope with their lyrical madness?  
****How will Gaius' poem be received by reviewers?**

**Find out next time on…  
****Whimsical Poetry of DOOM!**


	49. The Year of Paper

_In a land of myth and a time of magic, Catherine and Eleanor completely abandon their previous plot to bring you an extra special edition. Oh yeah, and emm, his name... Merlin. _

**The tale begins with an invite.**  
**It is carried carefully through the streets at twilight, sealed carefully with red wax.**  
**The courier reaches his destination; they pause, knocking gently on the on door.**  
**It creaks open carefully; and hope fills the recipient's eyes – At last.**

**Weeks pass, the excitement's building.**  
**The castle bustles with more noise, more buzz, than it has for some time.**  
**Banners are pinned on the walls and the flags are carefully made and raised.**  
**Garlands and ribbons decorate the once cold stone walls – Almost ready.**

**The dawn rises on the awaited day.**  
**Guests are up early; some have barely even slept the night before.**  
**As bells toll to mark the day, a shiver of excitement rushes through the city.**  
**The hours fly by, the sky darkens, the torches lit – It's time.**

**No one has been to an event like it.**  
**Everyone is dressed to their best; children, women, husbands and knights.**  
**As they enter the doors, a smile exchanged, a wreath placed on their head.**  
**Soft murmur of voices swell around the room – Waiting.**

**And then they arrive.**  
**First, six white horses, neatly in pairs: the trusted loyal companions.**  
**And a pause, a heartbeat, and there they are. The reason for the event.**  
**The two girls dismount, full of smiles and joy – Gratitude evident.**

**Let the night begin.**  
**Greeted on the steps by their lead knight, and most trusted friend.**  
**The applause guides them into the room and to the head of the table.**  
**One holds parchment in her hand, all the guests expectant - Here we go.**

**They step forward.**  
**The room is suddenly hushed as centre floor is occupied that night.**  
**Unrolled is the scroll so delicately held in their hands, now the moment to read it.**  
**Smiling once more, their eyes drop to the page – Back to where it all began.**

* * *

Many Scottish moons ago  
Upon a winter's day  
A correspondence was exchanged  
That duly paved the way.

For two young maidens tired of work  
Found solace in their prose  
They found a calling of the soul  
From whence poetry flows.

And so their banter thus did turn  
Into an impish act  
Ne'er was Puck so underhand  
As poems spread untracked.

Then came another moonlit night  
When they doth dared to stray  
And out into the wilderness  
They made their first foray.

And yet this tale concerns not them  
But those, who with wide arms  
Welcomed the two travellers in  
With all their whimsy charms.

Forsooth! They never turned them out  
Despite that every week  
The maidens oft went off the point  
Which others had to seek.

So before long the maidens took  
The land as their own prize  
While people lived in awe, the girls  
Relied on their allies:

One was a fruit so bittersweet  
And rotten to the core  
Sharp objects were kept out of reach  
Lest she ignite a war.

Next, in the forest of the elves  
A lizard lay in wait  
With scales the colour of the sky  
Keen to review and rate.

There was an absent-minded girl  
Your average Goldilocks  
And hailing from across the sea  
The land of the shamrocks.

Also a tasty teatime treat  
Did deign to be their friend  
Who wibble-wobbles on a plate  
(We don't mean to offend).

And on a planet far away  
There lived an honest soul  
A comrade and a Lord of time  
Teamwork? She played her role.

And a boy we know quite well  
Adorable and cute  
Who, when reminded, takes the time  
To read and contribute.

And finally, a cryptic name  
Which we at last have cracked  
Thine close kept secret is revealed  
And that, my dear, is fact.

And so this poem is for them  
Without whom we'd be naught  
It's been a year but still we aren't  
As timely as we ought!

Why yes, a year has passed us by  
'Tis poem forty nine  
And to observe this huge event  
We thought we'd wine and dine.

Enjoy the feast, our noble friends  
Drinks are on us tonight  
And for the love of Camelot  
This took a while to write!

* * *

**Happy Anniversary, our wonderful readers!  
I'm going to get all sentimental for a minute and thank you all so much for everything. You have given Eleanor, Simona and I a lot of laughter and good times this past year - We really took a leap of faith with Fanfiction and I don't regret it for a minute. You are all awesome.  
So until next time - Where we shall resort to business as usual - FORTHELOVEOFCAMELOT!**

**Also - What a bonus! Considering we get our lovely reviews... We will have over 400! Boomshackalacka! Love you all, how could I not?**  
**BOOP!**


	50. Atonement

_So when our heroes left off on their little "misadventure", it would be fair to say that things were not going quite as well as they hoped._

**Catherine: Right folks, fall in. Even you, you drunk dollop heads that make up the rest of the cast. What's the update?**

**Sir Simona: Well… Emm, we are pretty much damned.**

**Eleanor: Damned?**

**Sir Simona: Damned.**

**Sir Jelly: Kaput.**

**Sir Tor62442: Burggered.**

**Sir This is Gallifrey: Desecrated.**

**Sir ClumsyBl0nd3: Plundered.**

**Sir Blue Dragon: Pillaged.**

**Catherine: Whoa guys! Let's not get… Disturbing. We get the point.**

**Eleanor: Plundered? Eww..**

**Sir Simona: Let's just take a moment, everyone take a deep breath, and assess the situation from a non-subjective viewpoint. Or is it subjective? Or a non-subjective subjective view? Or a subjective non-subjective opinion? You know, subjective is a funny word, when you actually think about it…**

**Catherine: …Right, well somewhere amidst that perpetual babble I believe Sir Simona actually had a point.**

**Sir Simona: I did?**

**Catherine: You did. Now, let's try and make sense of this mess we are in now. And I blame you, Merlin.**

**Merlin: Me?**

**Catherine: Yes, you. If you weren't so darn adorable, and didn't keep trying to save absolutely everybody in an almost idiotic deed of selflessness, then I expect Camelot would all be dandy. No evil Morgana, no betraying knights, and no darn inability to rhyme!**

**Merlin: Well that hardly seems fair.**

**Eleanor: What about Arthur?**

**Arthur: What have I done?**

**Eleanor: Ah see, it is clearly Arthur that is responsible for this disaster. All he does is whine and whine, and when he's not whining, he's shouting. Usually at Merlin. And when the time comes to actually make decisions what does he do? Whatever anyone else tells him to. Honestly, he's got as much determination as a cat heading towards a bath.**

**Agravaine: With respect, my Lady, that is quite harsh –**

**Catherine: Oh don't even get me started on you! You slimy, greasy, aggravating… Potato! Time is running out for you mate, time is running out!**

**Merlin: Well this is fun.**

**Sir Jelly: And Morgana? Every stupid smirk she makes pushes me further and further towards her. With a dagger in my hand. And all she can even do is throw people across the floor. I mean, by now, surely she should have learnt something new. But no, it's just the same old party trick, again and again.**

**Sir Tor62442: There's also Mordred. With all his creepy stares and eerie wailings. _Emrys, Emrys, Emrys…_ All right! We get it! Now quit killing people with your crazy bad-ass shouts!**

**Sir Blue Dragon: Gwen hasn't really done much to help either. Following any guys who smiles at her even in the slightest. I mean, there's Arthur right there, Gwen. Right there! Or Lancelot. Make up your bloody mind, woman.**

**Sir This is Gallifrey: Speaking of, where is Gwen?**

**Sir Blue Dragon: What do you mean?**

**Sir Gallifrey: I mean, Camelot is on the verge of collapse, crumbling into despair, widespread panic, and there's been no sign of her whatsoever.**

**Sir ClumsyBl0nd3: Oh, she's probably carrying sheets around. Well that or picking flowers. It's all she ever does.**

**Sir This is Gallifrey: Occasionally she gives some heartfelt, unhelpfully vague advice.**

**Catherine: Or cheating on her fiancée.**

**Sir Blue Dragon: Yeah, that too.**

**Sir ClumsyBl0nd3: Well I blame Uther.**

**Sir Jelly: Because he is a mad, power hungry, cold-hearted tyrant.**

**Sir ClumsyBl0nd3: Nah. Because he is dead. He can't argue back.**

**Sir Tor62442: Huh, I guess that makes sense.**

**Sir This is Gallifrey: What about Gaius?**

**Sir Simona: Excuse me?**

**Sir This is Gallifrey: Come on guys, you can't ignore how painfully useless Gaius can be sometimes.**

**Eleanor: Gallifrey, stop –**

**Sir This is Gallifrey: I mean half the time he doesn't listen, and the other half he has no clue whatsoever.**

**Sam: ¡Dios, no!**

**Sir This is Gallifrey: - Always getting Merlin into trouble, being mean to the poor boy, telling him off constantly –**

**Catherine: Knights, quick, restrain Simona!**

**Sir This is Gallifrey: To top it off, he's completely colour blind, awful at lying –**

**Eleanor: Please stop, save yourself!**

**Sir This is Gallifrey: And is a useless, old man!**

**-Stunned silence –**

**Sir Simona: …Did you just call Gaius useless?**

**Sir This is Gallifrey: Well, yes.**

**Sir Simona: Did you just call Gaius USELESS?**

**Sir This is Gallifrey: … Yes?**

**Sir Simona: Wrong answer.**

**Eleanor: Hold her back, knights! Oh, help us all!**

**Sir Simona: GAIUS IS THE MOST WONDERFUL CREATURE TO HAVE EVEN BEEN IN EXISTENCE! HIS WISDOM IS UNPARALLELED!**

**Sir This is Gallifrey: Woah, easy mate…**

**Simona: I AM NOT YOUR MATE!**

**Catherine: Quickly, Sam, use your beautiful words of Spanish to lure Simona to her quiet room.**

**Sam: Usted es todos los idiotas…**

**Catherine: That's the spirit! Now, gentleknights. Let us put our limited amount of brainpower together and come up with a plan. Yes, a plan! Now all we need to do is to simply – Wait. What was that?**

**Morgana: Oh hello there, my friends.**

**Sir Blue Dragon: Oh dear Lord.**

**Laughy-Taffy the Grape: Something funny has occurred. The use of rhyme we have procured.**

**Eleanor: Well, that's just spiffy.**

**Morgana: Laughy, please just cease to talk! Not one word, a single squawk!**

**Laughy-Taffy the Grape: Fine I will, but one day soon, I'll take your place, you crazy loon.**

**Morgana: Now's not the time for this debate, it's time to act, so please just wait!**

**Catherine: Can we hurry this along please… This AN is taking awfully long.**

**Morgana: Hem hem, of course.**

**Now you see what we have done,**  
**It's really quite amusing.**  
**What once was yours is ours to keep**  
**So now it's clear you're losing.**

**Catherine: You'll never take our power! Never!**

**Laughy-Taffy the Grape: **

**But we have, isn't it great!**  
**The people will now follow**  
**Our bold words instead of yours**  
**While you just sit and wallow.**

**Sir This is Galiffrey: There must be something we can do!**

**Sir ClumsyBl0nd3: They have the power of the rhyme!**

**Sir Simona: Ah-ha! Not this time, Morgana!**

**Eleanor: Simona! Should she be allowed out yet?**

**Sir Simona: You think you can conquer us, you evil hag? Noooooooooooo… Not today!**

**Catherine: Yup, she's still mad.**

**Morgana: **  
**Tell me now, you foolish girl**  
**What you think that you can hurl?**

**Sir Simona: This!**

**Laughy-Taffy the Grape: This?**

**Catherine:… This?**

**Sir Simona: Yes, this.**

**Eleanor: Care to tell us what said item is?**

**Sir Simona: This is a poem!**

**Catherine: Please tell me this isn't one of… your poems?**

**Sir Tor62442: Oh no, please…**

**Eleanor: No, wait. I recognise it now. This… This is one of mine!**

**Morgana: **

**What are these lies you speak?**  
**Don't you know your future's bleak?**

**Eleanor: Booyah, Morgana! Never underestimate the power of FORTHELOVEOFCAMELOT! And the power of archives! Oh yes, we kept old poems! And this, my friend, this poem is one of ours. One of ours which rhymes!**

**Morgana: … No! It cannot be!**

**Catherine: Quick! Simona, read it out, before they can stop us!**

* * *

Atonement

We first saw you, a sneaky glimpse  
Between the leafy trees  
As weapons cruel and cold and sharp  
Brought nature to its knees.

And as you saw what had been done  
You knew now what to do  
With gleaming eyes you set the trap  
That they would fall into.

The curse it worked its wicked ways  
Supplies began to fail  
Even sorcery's magic words  
Could come to no avail.

A curfew was a rule that could  
No way apply to you  
So you went on a moonlit stroll  
You're so hardcore; it's true!

You let the young 'uns catch you up  
So you could tell your tale  
Of magic horses in the woods  
With coats so ghostly pale.

You told the prince of his new quest  
To atone for his deed  
Though a sceptic boy he seemed  
You hoped he would take heed.

The first test he did prove himself  
A man of great repute  
When a farmer, hungry, mad  
The castle tried to loot.

Trial number two was more hardcore  
As prince could not resist  
Redeeming some Pendragon pride  
While blinded by red mist.

So that was it, he'd tried and failed  
His kingdom to redeem  
But a servant sought you out  
And changed your little scheme.

Yet revenge you swiftly gained  
You trapped him in the maze  
The quest was Arthur's, he alone  
Could fix his wretched ways.

Once on a seaside holiday  
You played a deadly game  
The last test for Arthur, would  
He really take the blame?

Yes he did, he drank it down  
To save his magic friend  
But are you sure you didn't know  
What'd happen in the end?

The prince was safe, he'd passed the test  
And Camelot was free  
As Arthur carried out the trials  
He passed two out of three!

The two returned to say goodbye  
A final resting place  
Where pure of heart and deeply wronged  
Might gain a little grace.

And thus your magic ran its course  
As wrongs had been turned right  
The creature was alive once more  
And gleaming silver white.

You took your leave, as guardian  
You'd done all that you could  
And back into the trees you went  
Hidden in the wood.

* * *

**Two things I would like to say...**

**1)** **This is our 50th poem! What a achievement! Wooyah - Par-tay time! (Starts whacking on the party hats) **

**2) Ellie and I would like to check - What's the current viewing status for season 4? Can we safely write about it? Or have some not seen it? **

**3) (**Cause I'm crazy and unpredictable like that**) How awesomely epic is the season finale looking? And on Christmas Eve too! Argh so excited! And sad. What am I to do for a year? **

**4) If you guys don't know her already, I'm putting out a warm hand of friendly love to our bestest buddy Jenny - aka Gwen. She reads all these poems and never talks about them to us or reviews them. So now I revoke my hand in a slightly miffed manner. But she will be in the next AN... So I thought it best we all said he-rro!**

**5) (**Yes, I'm on five when I said two, I know**) NEXT TIME - (Though not actually on Christmas Day) POEM - CHRISTMAS EDITION! **

**6) Have yourself a very merry Christmas! And because it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas - Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow! Let's hope it is a silent night, except of course for the jingle bells because we need a white Christmas if Santa Claus is coming to town. And you know, it may be a cold December night, but all I want for Christmas is you, so have a holly jolly Christmas! **

**7) (**Yes, still aware I said two..**.) See what I did there? Ten Christmas song titles - oh yeah, skills. **

**8) If you don't have any replies to reviews it is Ellie's fault. Not mine. **

**9) Toodle pip! Have a good weekend! Let us know how many Merlin related gifts you get! I've got my sister the massive season 4 poster - I want to keep it though :( **

**10) (**Good round number, ten. Now have to think of a comment to go along with it**.) Oh! Who got the awesomely awesome Emrys Top Trump card in the Season 4 DVD box? Can I steal it? I am a top trump hoarder, and it kills me to know there is a Merlin one which I don't have. Waiting to get the fancy schmancy complete box set, with its shiny silver wrapping. Do you think I will still get it? I NEED IT! **

**Hem.. Bye. :D**

**FORTHELOVEOFCAMELOT. **


	51. Yuletide

Ok, yes, tis VERY late. But... Um, it's our holidays too? ;) Catherine wrote the poem, I the AN. Enjoy! :D a belated merry Christmas and a happy New Year from _fortheloveofcamelot_.

* * *

_In a small, barely furnished farmhouse in Ealdor, a red-haired maiden sits by the fire, mumbling to herself and rocking back and forth. Suddenly, a bright light interrupts this homely scene and an 'angel' steps forward._

**Dragoon:** I come bearing good news.  
**Eleanor:** Uther's dead, no news is good news. No news today.  
**Dragoon:** Milady, I must insist.  
**Eleanor:** Angel… Didn't wipe his feet…  
**Dragoon:** Angels don't _have_ to wipe their feet, you idiot, we _fly_!  
**Eleanor:** Uther… Lancelot… Isolde… All with the angels now…  
**Dragoon:** You shall have a baby!  
**Eleanor:** Oh. Really?  
**Dragoon:** Yep. A magical wonderful baby which will change life as we know it. Who will bring balance to the force!  
**Eleanor:** The force?  
**Dragoon:** Ah… Wrong message. It'll probably do something spectacular though, don't worry. Anyway… Gotta go!

_The maiden returns to her rocking and mumbling. The door opens, letting a blast of icy air in. The maiden turns round and embraces the visitor, who is shaking snow out of her beard._

**Eleanor:** I was visited by an angel!  
**Catherine:** (_warily_) Was it Uther again? Or Lancelot?  
**Eleanor:** No! He said that I'm going to have a baby!

_The red-haired maiden is slapped by her companion.  
_  
**Catherine:** Whore! You told me you were… pure!  
**Eleanor:** I _thought_ I was…  
**Catherine:** Oh. Well then… Um. It must be sorcery! King Arthur will know what to do! We must travel to Camelot immediately!

_The pair load up their trusty little donkey, _Blue Dragon of Rivendell_, and set off on their way._

**Catherine:** Come along, Blue. Gee up.  
**Eleanor:** (_smiling proudly, yet maniacally_) You have such a way with animals…

_Meanwhile, in the East, three wise men looked up and contemplated the sky. They saw a bright star shining to the west. They pointed it out to the Gifts, who was trying to gnaw through her chains nearby._

**Simona 1:** Look! A star!  
**Simona 2:** I see it!  
**Simona 3:** This can only mean one thing…  
**Jennifer:** My time with you, um, three… is up. I'm going to be handed to the next person, like an unwanted hand-knitted sweater from someone's blind grandmother. It's a hard life, you know, being Gifts. You'd think with all the bling and perfume and oil that I wear that _someone_ would want me, but noooo, I'm just –  
**Simona 2:** Quiet, slave! Pack your things, we ride out immediately!  
**Simona 1:** Follow that star!

_At around the same time, the expectant couple reach Camelot.  
__  
_**Catherine:** We made it!  
**Eleanor:** So… Tired…  
**Catherine:** We'll never make it up to the castle tonight. We'd better find someplace to rest.

T_hey make their way to 'the Rising Sun' inn._

**GracefulLikeAGazelle:** I'm sorry but there's a jousting tournament being held tomorrow. Camelot's packed - I just sold my last bunk to some guy with a magical-looking ring.  
**Catherine:** You don't understand, we need –  
**GracefulLikeAGazelle:** I'm sorry, I simply can't help you.  
**Eleanor:** Sunshine…?  
**Catherine:** You see? She is gravely ill. And she's also been, um, put under a spell. We need to see the king, but it is too late tonight.  
**GracefulLikeAGazelle:** Well, there's always the hovel next door…  
**Catherine:** Excellent. We'll take the lot!  
**GracefulLikeAGazelle:** 'Twas owned by the blacksmith's daughter. A real messy, dirty, poky little place. No more than a stable, really. Of course, the girl went and got herself banished but it's just as *ahem* _clean_ as she left it, don't worry…  
**Catherine:** Hrmmm… Well, thank you.

_On a farm outside the Camelot city walls, a group of shepherds stand a-keeping their sheep. Twas a cold winter's night._

**Jelly:** Tis a cold winter's night.  
**Gallifrey:** For once, Jelly, I entirely agree.

_Suddenly, there is a flash of white light and a bang and the shepherds cower. A white bearded angel appears, cursing his aching limbs._

**Dragoon:** Do not be afraid! (_zaps Tor with lightning magic_)  
**Tor:** Oww! Of course I'm going to be afraid if you hurt me with your crazy voodoo!  
**Dragoon:** Ah. Good point. Well, I am here to deliver a message, seeing as you are too stupid and uneducated to work it out for yourselves.  
**Clumsy Blonde:** Hey, watch who you're calling uneducated!  
**Dragoon:** Within the city walls, a miracle has occurred. In a stable, a new age has dawned for us all. You must go there at once! Follow the star – it will lead the way!

_There is a crack of lightning and the angel disappears._

**Jelly:** Woooooow.  
**Gallifrey:** Ok, new problem: Which star was he talking about? There must be at least (_screws up face in concentration and looks up, counting_)… 16 stars up there.  
**Tor:** *face palm*

_Meanwhile, the three wise men and their gifts are following the star over the horizon. Having been following it for so long their eyes are tiring and they begin to bicker among themselves._

**Simona 1:** It is clearly pointing west!  
**Simona 2:** No! To the north!  
**Simona 3:** Towards the east!  
**Simona 2:** The east is where we just _came _from, you idiot!  
**Simona 1:** But north is clearly that way!  
**Jennifer:** Why don't you just admit that we're lost? We should have asked that wandering bandit for directions – what is it with men and asking for directions?  
**All 3 Simonas:** _Quiet, slave!  
_**Simona 3:** Oh majestic wondrous star, where is it that you are leading us?  
**Samuel:** Al oeste. ¿No tienes ojos?

(_Awkward pause_)

**Simona 1:** Did the star just…?  
**Simona 2:** Reply? I think it did…  
**Samuel:** ¡Por supuesto he respondido! ¿Quién creis estoy – la luna?  
**Simona 3:** Take me to your leader!  
**Jennifer:** Quick - does anyone speak Spanish? You all claim to be so wise and learned, come on!

(_All 3 Simonas shrug and look embarrassedly at one another, shuffling their feet.)_

**Samuel:** ¡Sigueme!  
**Simona 2:** I think it wants us to follow it…  
**Simona 1:** I thought that was what we were already doing?  
**Jennifer:** Just get a move on; I'm tired of being dragged by my hair from your stinky horses.  
**Simona 3:** Quiet, slave!  
**Samuel:** Burbujitas…

_Back in the stable, all is quiet except from the maiden's complaining moans. Her companion conscientiously dabs her brow with a damp cloth._

**Catherine:** Come on, just one more push-  
**Eleanor:** I caaaan't! I'm too tired!  
**Catherine:** You're nearly there!  
**Eleanor:** But my wrist pains me so...  
**Catherine:** Just a couple lines more, you need to make it rhyme!  
**Eleanor:** Egads!

_At that moment the shepherds burst in. They see the flame-haired maiden, who finishes writing with a flourish and rolls up the parchment, the ink scarcely dry. She hands it carefully to her companion, who rips a strip of cloth from the hem of her cloak and uses it to tie up the parchment in a scroll, before reverently placing it in a convenient manger. It is safe there, out of the festering foul-smelling puddles on the floor of the shack. The couple gaze down at the scroll as would any proud parents._

**Jelly:** We heard screaming...  
**Gallifrey:** But also there was an angel-  
**Tor:** Who told us to come here. To witness a miracle.  
**Clumsy Blonde:** Phew. This was a lot less gross than I thought it'd be.  
**Jelly:** We brought a gift. For your *ahem*...  
**Tor:** Little bundle of joy?

_The couple beam happily, oblivious to the undertones. The shepherds bashfully separate to reveal a magical glowing sword, being comically wielded by the littlest one.  
_  
**Catherine:** Excalibur? But how did you-?  
**Gallifrey:** (defensively) We found it!  
**Clumsy Blonde:** But be careful around the, errr, baby.  
**Tor:** Yeah, watch out it doesn't get a paper cut.

_The shepherds all laugh. The couple look at them confusedly and put the sword carefully out of harm's way. At that moment, the three wise men enter the 'stable', bearing more gifts._

**Simona 1:** Greetings, simple-minded peasants.  
**Simona 2:** We have travelled many leagues in search of a miracle.  
**Simona 3:** That's a _long_ way. (_winks_)  
**Tor:** Yes, we know…  
**Catherine:** Um, well, welcome – travellers.  
**Eleanor:** It's in the manger.

_The wise men approach the manger sincerely, dragging the Gifts with them. _

**Simona 1:** To you, little one, I impart gold.  
**Simona 2:** I, frankincense.  
**Simona 3:** And I, myrrh.  
**Simona 1:** Except, of course, they are all represented on this slave girl, who we thought you might appreciate when you're older. (winks)  
**Jennifer:** Dirty pigs…  
**Simona 2:** Quiet, slave!  
**Eleanor:** What a thoughtful gift! Thank you.  
**Gallifrey:** One question: why are you three wise men? There's only one of you!  
**Simona 2:** What?  
**Simona 1:** I don't understand what you're talking about, peasant.  
**Simona 3:** This uneducated heathen is clearly deluded…  
**Catherine:** Quiet! You'll wake up our little miracle.

_She carefully picks up the bundle and unravels the cloth which binds it. Unravelling the scroll, she clears her throat and begins to read the Christmas miracle which is written upon the page…_

* * *

Twas two weeks after Christmas, when all through the land  
Not a baddie was stirring, no evil was planned.  
The fires were lit in the chimneys with care,  
In hopes that the visitors soon would be there.

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,  
While poems of brilliance danced in their heads.  
And mam in her work dress, and I in my bed,  
For a long winter's night had just settled my head .

When out on the street there arose such a clatter,  
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.  
Away to the window I flew like a flash,  
Tore open the window with one great big clash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow  
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below.  
When, what to my wondering eyes like a dream,  
Should appear, but two people, and with them a team.

With these sneaky young maidens, so lively and quick,  
I knew in a moment it was not a trick.  
More rapid than eagles, their comrades, they came,  
They whistled, and shouted, and called them by name!

"Now Laughy! now, Clumsy! now, Blue Dragon and Tor!  
Come, Jelly! Quick, Simona! And Sam, Gallifrey and more!  
To the top of the roof! To the top of the wall!  
Now run away! Sneak away! Dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,  
When they meet with an obstacle, leap to the sky.  
So up to the house-top the legends they flew,  
With bags full of parchment, so climbed the great crew.

And then, in a moment, I heard up above  
Their footsteps so quiet, I was in awe of.  
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,  
Down the chimney two girls so did bound.

Both dressed up like ninjas, from their heads to their feet,  
And their clothes were all tarnished with ashes and peat.  
A bundle of scrolls they had flung on their back,  
And they looked like assassins, all coated in black!

But her eyes-how they twinkled! Her dimples how merry!  
Her cheeks were like roses, and nose like a cherry!  
The other's mischievous grin was alight,  
And the glow of her hair was like fire at night.

A lollypop stick they held tight in their teeth,  
And the magic they owned circled them like a wreath.  
They had a flowing cloaks and a sword at their waist,  
But so peaceful their presence, the swords seemed misplaced.

They were petite in form, playful like an elf,  
And I laughed when I saw them, in spite of myself!  
A wink of one's eye and a twist of her head,  
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.

They spoke not a word, but went straight to their work,  
And selected a poem, then turned with a jerk.  
One laying her finger aside of her nose,  
And giving a nod, up the chimney they rose!

They sprang off the roof, to their team gave a cry,  
And away they all sprung like the birds in the sky.  
But I heard them exclaim, 'ere they skipped out of sight,  
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night!"

* * *

_ There is silence in the stable._

**Clumsy Blonde:** It's a Christmas miracle!  
**Eleanor:** It's beautiful.  
**Simona 3:** I think I may learn Spanish when I get home. I have been inspired!

_Suddenly, a black clad figure dashed into the stable and grabs the scroll from Catherine's hand._

**Laughy-Taffy:** Mine! It is all mine! Christmas is ruined!  
**All:** Noooooooooooooooooooooo!

_Laughy-Taffy moves to run out of the stable, but Blue Dragon the mule (who has been standing there quietly the whole time, don't worry) floors her with a ferocious kick to the wenis. _

**Laughy-Taffy:** No! Alas! Foiled again!  
**Jelly:** Haha - consider yourself thwarted!  
**Catherine:** You _do_ know that Christmas was two weeks ago, don't you?  
**Laughy-Taffy:** Dammit!  
**Eleanor:** Maybe next year, Laughy-Taffy, don't worry.

_ And so, this is the tale of how post-Christmas Camelot was saved. Merry Christmas, everybody! For the love of Camelot! :)_


	52. You Know When You've Been Tango'ed

Goooooooooooood morning, afternoon, evening or night, whenever it may be that you are reading this! This is _fortheloveofcamelot_, making another comeback after many weeks of writing nothing but essays and revision notes! We have been poetry infidels. (I hope that's the right word) We have been full of infidelity-ness and ignoring you lovely people. We are still going to continue with the saga-like AN's apparently, but this week is an exception as we wanted this out ASAP, and although Catherine has an idea for a new AN-saga, we didn't have time to discuss it enough to be able to write it before today.

Interesting fact of today-ness... Today is apparently 'fun at work day'… Hrmmm… Hey, I don't think I told you guys, I got a job! :O In a farm shop. I weigh vegetables. 8) and I have a lovely apron to wear! So I was working today. And so is/was Catherine. Did you have fun at work today Catherine? I dunno if I did. There were many bulk buys and unscannable objects today which made it tricksy. But us working girls shall live to write another day, don't worry! :)

This week's poem was written by Catherine, when her bus broke down. Well, I think she started it when the bus broke down and finished it elsewhere/elsetimes. But you get the idea! And as indicated on the paper when she gave it to me, it is copyrighted under Catherine's writings and shizz. :P Except the title, which I made up. Because it was _better_ than hers. By her own admission. ;) Which reminds me, I shall disclaim that we don't own Tango, but we have used its advertising slogan and brand name as the title of our poem because it is appropriate and we shall do as we please. :D

Again, great and humble apologies to you, our loyal fans, without whom these poems would not continue to be written. Now that our prelims are finished, we aim to be more consistent with our poetry. Bear with us! ;)

- Eleanor of '_fortheloveofcamelot_'

* * *

You Know When You've Been Tango'ed (by Catherine)

You and I are more alike  
Than may first meet the eye.  
We both hail from the same town  
I sense our Scotch-blood tie.

Yet for some strange old reason  
You chose a brand new view.  
A land of sun, and stalls and sand  
A nice brown tan for you.

And if it's you we seek for  
We know just where to look.  
Past your big tough bodyguard  
Within your little nook.

You left your land of turbans  
And waved it all goodbye  
For pretty little bracelets  
Your skills are there to buy.

So off you quickly trundle  
Towards a place more cold  
Your target has a secret  
A name he won't withhold.

Let loose a royal horsey  
Sneak in a castle door  
Knock out a man then snatch him up  
Before he hits the floor.

You know what you have done now?  
The kingdom is a mess  
With loyalties divided  
You're causing much distress.

Your hiding place, so brilliant  
Who ventures in a cave?  
The only ones who dare must be  
Stupid or madly brave.

But as Gwaine kindly mentioned,  
Orangey goop is rare.  
But if this site is precious  
Won't people still mine there?

Back to the plot in hand now  
I always go off track  
Interrogations do proceed  
You seem to have the knack.

And sure enough this secret  
The greatest of them all  
Spills forth from your captive's lips  
You learn the dragon's call.

The words are so momentous  
It changes your whole life  
You've found your one true purpose  
Within a world of strife.

Then time to go a-wander  
And look what you should find  
A lanky boy and Morgy-poo  
With murder on her mind.

He's not what you expected  
He's lying on the floor  
Looking scared but in his eyes  
You sense there's something more.

She knows you know the secret  
You know she doesn't know  
He knows you know about him  
You know he knows you know.

So everyone is knowing  
Yet no one knows it all  
Now time to show your colours  
It's Morgy's turn to fall.

You've gained a noble ally  
He's saved a good old friend  
She's met the floor of orange, and  
We've found the story's end. 

* * *

Now, for consistency's sake...  
**FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT!** :D


	53. Wild Youth

**Oh HERRO!  
I'm back! And by that I mean Catherine. Hiya folks! Long time no speak, I've missed you all!  
Speaking of missing, I miss Merlin. I really do. I suppose I've still got all my DvDs. And my calender. And my signed photo. And my pillow. And my top trumps. And my poems. Oh, but guys... less than 8 months! That's not so bad, is it? It is... I know. **

**Anyway, how are you all? Everything is good here, as Ellie said last week. Jelly - she told me to tell you she does look sexy in her apron. I have yet to launch a sneak attack on her at work, so I am unable to testify to this fact. **

**Oh, Eleanor has two unconditionals to universities already! Yay! Including the one she wants to go to. So, well done, my smexy ginger pal. I haven't heard anything back yet. Pfft... **

**And she and I both got As in our Latin prelim. Oh yeah. See, we do do some work in class, clearly. Although you know what we were doing in Latin today? Planning next week's poem of course! Because you know what next week is? Valentine's Day! So special themed guess poems...You bet! **

**Also (wow, we are orginised) the week after that we are handing complete editorial duties over to the wonderful Simona. Oh yes, that means the poem, review replies and the AN is all down to her. You have been warned. **

**On the subject of the poetry future, I wanted to ask you guys what you would like for the ANs. Do you like hearing our constant ramblings? Do you like the story lines we make up? Do you want us to shut up completely? Let us know! **

**Also, this is just a Catherine curiousity, feel free to ignore me, but where is everyone from? I mean country-wise, don't worry, I'm not gonna stalk your home address :D See, I'll go first, we are from Scotland. But you probably knew that. **

**Avast, me hearties, ready the sails! Yer poem comes t'day from me swash-buckling pirate comrade, Eleanor. Take what you get, give nothing back. Er AYE! **

* * *

Wild Youth

You always had a reckless streak  
Eager to break the law  
Sidestepping rules was just for fun  
What else were they made for?

And though your life alone was hard  
You thought it suited you  
Until one day you met a man  
To tango it takes two.

There you were, partners in crime  
And maybe something more  
Though you both feigned indifference  
Young love you can't ignore.

For the wild youth you cannot tame  
And wild hearts fall in love  
So keep it free and just declare  
A partnership, sort of.

Time did pass and bonds grew strong  
You traded 'cross the land  
Until that fateful day, by chance  
The king found your small band.

The boy begged passage for a fee  
The gold it changed your mind  
In giving refuge to the frail  
A deadly deal you'd signed.

For armed men soon caught up with you  
And though you bravely fought  
Your blood was spilled, but life remained  
Thanks to the king's quick thought.

Refuge was taken in a town  
Which we have seen before  
A quiet place to rest your head  
And sleep off wounds of war.

But safety was just not to last  
Again you had to flee  
You used to be a smuggler  
'Til that arrow to the knee.

And to the deer you gave advice  
On how to win his heart  
Yes, you help those with lovesick pangs  
Though she is just a tart.

You and your partner chose to fight  
For a most selfless cause  
Taking back the kingdom, and  
With it, its rules and laws.

You made the final posse, that  
Would overthrow the 'Queen'  
Throwing yourself into the fight  
You were quick on the scene.

You saved the king from certain death  
Your debt it was repaid  
But in the act of saving him  
Your own life it would fade.

In your partner's arms you lay  
His pardon you did ask  
"Partners for life", it now did seem  
A most unlikely task.

He held you 'til the end, my girl,  
And he cannot forget  
You'll always be the same wild youth  
And you'll stay reckless yet.

* * *

**DRINK UP ME HEARTIES, YO HO! **

**Till next week, my dear Knights. And Laughy-Taffy, who doesn't qualify as a knight. Who has been de-knighted. Ousted from her home. We'll take that cloak back, thank you! Give it to Graceful as a Gazelle. I dub thee SIR Gazelle of Camelot. You may rise. And you Laughy - go live in your hovel. **

**FORTHELOVEOFCAMELOT. **


	54. Enchanted

Howdy, it's Simona here. Why? Cause a certain someone got the dates mixed up and now I have to pick up the pieces (as per usual). Anyway, I thought I would resolve our A/N storyline (remember that? it seems so long ago…) seeing as Catherine & Eleanor have a new idea for a storyline J hopefully it'll be coming to your computer screens soon! Anyway, here is the final instalment of the Whimsical Poetry Of DOOM: Case of The Anti-Rhyming Spell story (like my impromptu story naming?)

* * *

**Previously on Whimsical Poetry of DOOM:**

**Sir Simona: Did you just call Gaius USELESS?**

**Sir This is Gallifrey: … Yes?**

**Sir Simona: Wrong answer.**

**Sir ClumsyBl0nd3: Well I blame Uther.**

**Sir Jelly: Because he is a mad, power hungry, cold-hearted tyrant.**

**Sir ClumsyBl0nd3: Nah. Because he is dead. He can't argue back.**

**Morgana: Oh hello there, my friends.**

**Sir Blue Dragon: Oh dear Lord.**

**(theme song (we'll think of one, right now just hum the Merlin tune)**

**Morgana: ahhhh.. the poem, it burns…**

**Laughy-Taffy: My rhyming powers; they're melting – I mean, going away, fading…**

**Catherine: Yes that's right, come back to me my… _my precious_…**

**Eleanor: You should never have underestimated the power of our poetry!**

**Sir Simona: Now please go back to the cave that you came from – nobody wants you here.**

**Morgana: Fine. And you know, I would have got away with this too if it weren't for you meddling kids!**

**Laughy-Taffy: What do you mean, _you_ would have got away with it? I cast the damn spell!**

**Morgana: Shut up, Laughy.**

**(And in a cloud of purple smoke, they disappeared)**

**Sir ClumsyBl0nd3: Are they gone?**

**Sir Tor62442: I think so…**

**GracefulLikeAGazelle: Phew… (wipes brow)**

**Sir Jelly: Yee-ha! We did it!**

**Sir Blue Dragon: We stopped Morgana and Laughy-Taffy from getting away with their evil plan!**

**Sir This is Gallifrey: Eleanor and Catherine have their powers back**

**Catherine: Thanks everyone for pointlessly just re-informing everyone of stuff that happened just a few lines ago, I mean, it's not as if everyone stared at their computer screens, scratching their heads, wondering what just happened, I mean they can read y'know!**

**Eleanor: Oh Catherine, I'm so glad to have the old, raging you back. (hugs her)**

**Catherine: Woah, easy girl…**

**Eleanor: (re-adjusts her hug into Elena style) I had such a nice time…**

**Catherine: (pulls an Arthur-like face)**

**Sir Simona: Oh, I missed you guys (joins in the hug)**

**Sir Jelly: GROUP HUG!**

**(Everyone joins in the hug. Except gaius. 'Cause that would be weird.)**

**SunnySmile13: Ahem…**

**(Everyone pulls away and straightens their clothes. Except Gaius. 'Cause his robe never needs straightening.)**

**Eleanor: Oh herro! **

**SunnySmile13: I'm here for the knight servant position, as is advertised here (holds up a leaf)**

**Catherine: (looks at Eleanor, then at SunnySmile13) So you wish to be a knight servant, eh?**

**SunnySmile13: Yes, I do.**

**Eleanor: Well, if you really want to be a knight servant you must really hate Morgana and all things evil…**

**SunnySmile13: Well, I do.**

**Catherine: Yeah? Well, how much?**

**SunnySmile13:…. a lot!**

**(Eleanor & Catherine look at each other)**

**Eleanor: You're in. Welcome aboard the Whimsical Poetry of DOOM Team. I take it you know who everyone is so there's no need for the pointless introductions…**

**Catherine: Oh this is cause for celebration! Sir Simona and Sir GracefulLikeAGazelle, crack open the rum; Sir Jelly and Sir Tor62442, put some tunes on; Sir ClumsyBl0nd3, Sir Blue Dragon and Sir This is Gallifrey, clear the room so we have space to dance and you, SunnySmile13… polish my armour and muck out my stables.**

**SunnySmile13: What?**

**Eleanor: She's just kidding. There shall be no working tonight, for tonight we celebrate our victory!**

**Gaius: You know, all this talk of celebration and victory reminds me of an old song…**

**Merlin: You're not going to sing are, you?**

**Gaius: Now that you mention it, I think I shall.**

**Merlin: Oh gods, this is so embarrassing…**

**Gaius: (clears throat)**

* * *

Enchanted

If you go down to the woods today  
you're in for a great surprise;  
a compelling creature that takes control  
once you look in their eyes.

Enchanting the weak and turning  
friends into deadly enemies.  
Try not to fall under their spell  
or risk falling to your knees.

The being that's inside of you  
sensed another was near,  
and once the other got too close  
you screamed out in fear.

Under a moonlit sky you wait  
for moths to come to the light;  
then you suck their life away  
much to your fiendish delight.

The shy act didn't fool everyone though  
and soon they were on your tail.  
But you had always made extra sure  
to cover up your trail.

Two more stumbled into your trap  
and you were caught in the act.  
Confronted, you unleashed the beast  
and its might jaws attacked.

But that was not the right choice  
and soon you were at a loss;  
a fatal wound across your back  
ended your selfish cause.

So if you down to the woods today  
you really have nothing to fear.  
As all evil scurries away  
whenever our heroes are near.

* * *

**Sir Simona: Everyone, I would like to propose a toast for the love of Camelot.**

**Everyone: FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT!**

**-Back in Morgana's Cave-**

**Laughy-Taffy: Are you still upset that we didn't succeeded with our plan?**

**Morgana: No, 'cause now I have even an even better plan. And when I unleash it upon the Whimsical Poetry of DOOM Team, I shall bring them to their knees. Those castle walls shall be their doom.**

* * *

BOOM!**  
**Yay, the story is finished and I've set it up for the next one! :)  
So, um, yeah, next week is the Valentine's Day Special and our Season 4 Merlithon at Catherine's house! Yay, excited :]  
Don't forget to review and if you enjoyed this story why not try one of our other ones? (shamless plugging- what?) :P  
See you next time with FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT! xxxx


	55. Amortentia

Um... Last week's hijacking of 'fortheloveofcamelot' and putting up of a poem about the she-octopus **Lamia** was brought to you by the ever-baffling and usually inappropriate SIMONA! :P Woooooooo. Boy, were we desperate... ;)

Yes, it was Valentine's Day. On Tuesday... And today is... Sunday, technically, as I am writing this at 00:16 on Sunday morning. Catherine conveninently emailed me when I was at work telling me that I had to put this up, and then ran off to work herself before I could get home, open the email and argue. It wasn't as if I'd already been up late the night before emailing her school newspaper articles or anything. : And I have to be up in 9 hour's time to go to church! She could have done this, and then have a lie in! Not amused...

Ok, ok, rant over. I'm sorry readers. Happy belated Valentine's Day! :) We have done another last-year's-style one, in that we have written many little poems (i.e. one verse per subject) except this year instead of writing Valentines to the characters, we have decided to honour the many couples of Merlin - both past, present and future! We have 20 for you to sink your teeth into, a mix of my and Catherine's work. After finishing all my poems, I actually had to rewrite them as I had forgotten the new rhyming scheme! :P So a lot of love and patience has gone into these poems, my little knightlets. Just not into the AN! ;)

We love you lots though. Please try and guess as far as you can (I have numbered them for ease). Some are more difficult than others. You shall receive the answers next week, possibly as the merged couple names we have allotted them. Eg. the well known example of "Brad + Angelina = Brangelina". But Catherine's in charge next week, so who knows what shizz will go down? :S Hopefully she can explain the mergings - we had a few problems with them ourselves!

I hope you find the name apt. Not as inspired as last year's, I know, but the best I can do at 00:34 at night. :O Those not acquainted with Harry Potter should know that Amortentia is the luuuuurve potion. Merlin = full of spells and magic and potions and shizz. Didn't'cha know! :P

But anyway... enjoy these poemlings now that they are finally up! We hope you had a lovely Valentine's Day and we love you all very much! :)

- Eleanor of '_fortheloveofcamelot_'

* * *

Amortentia (by Blue-Blood and Black-Lung)

1. When milky skin meets chocolate hue  
For power you both lust  
Baldy head meets big hair-do  
With passion and no trust

2. A lost love's scars still linger here  
Her death - the husband's blame  
A son feels guilt one day each year  
His Father's secret shame

3. A romance hinted, never shown  
A girl way out his class  
The flowers failed – had he known  
She'd be such a bad-ass?

4. To him she was a bonnie lass  
A beauty he'd behold  
A kingdom on her mind, alas  
Camelot just got trolled.

5. Eyes met across a crowded hall  
Eyebrows we raised all round  
With perfume skills that would appal  
True love she thought she'd found.

6. She seemed to be the perfect lass  
She really matched you well  
But shot your poor ex in the ass  
An act that did repel.

7. At first neither cared for romance  
Or chicken at the door  
Though one was freed from love juice trance  
He leaves her wanting more.

8. Your tale of love was always hard  
I wish it did not end  
Your innuendos left me scarred  
Till BAM - one dead boyfriend.

9. This romance is a tragic one  
A noble man did fall  
The serving girl, she jumped the gun  
A kiss witnessed by all.

10. A man's first love, a girl's first scheme  
Her father taught her well  
She tried to break the bromance team  
Her red eyes showed the spell.

11. This wasn't romance in the end  
Noble hearts did waver  
She turned each man against his friend  
They owe Merlin a favour.

12. You're the pair that both will reign  
The legend tells it so  
Love of the heart you cannot feign  
At least she's not a doe!

13. A match made by your fathers when  
You both were very small  
It had a chance, alas but then  
You heard the changeling call.

14. An early time, way long before  
Err on the writers' part  
Betwixt the warlock and the whore  
To join your lonely hearts.

15. A partnership, no wedding vow  
Not 'til death will you part  
But she saved a life and now  
You're left with broken hearts.

16. When the lone moon at night is full  
He'll save you from the dark  
You are his one true love, his jewel  
Your bite's worse than your bark.

17. You both have hair that's raven black  
And evil smirks that match  
One 'do piled high, one that's slicked back  
So faithful, what a catch.

18. You're elderly and oogalay  
You make me feel quite ill  
And though you play with alchemy  
You'll get no younger still.

19. A fiery maiden and a rogue  
Who talked to fiery beasts  
A partnership not very vogue  
She's scaled, to say the least!

20. Although you are so very old  
You wish to save your kind  
She's small enough for you to hold  
With both your tails entwined.

* * *

**FOR THE LOVE OF CAMELOT! XD**


	56. Shadow Days

_In a land of myth and a time of increasing awesome magic, the destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of two girls, several knights, a lousy King, a wanna-be Sir, an evil ninja and a young boy. Their names... Well, I can't be bothered listing them. Blahblahblah... Merlin. _

Catherine: Blooming heck! What in the name of Merlin's raggy neckerchief is going on?

Merlin: Hey!

Catherine: What's going on?

Merlin: Why should I know?

Catherine: Well, whenever there is a warning bell, it's usually your fault.

Merlin: When has it ever been my f-

Eleanor: Merlin! What have you done?

Merlin: It's not me!

Eleanor: I was dreaming! Happy dreams, of clouds, and bunnies, and unicorns…

Arthur: Merlin!

Merlin: For the last time, it's not my fault!

Arthur: It better not be, or I'll have you in the stocks for so long that rotten tomatoes will be permanently imbedded on your face.

Merlin: That's just plain mean.

Eleanor: For the love of Camelot, will someone explain what is happening?

**(Silence)**

Eleanor: Where are my knights? Sunny!

SunnySmile13: Yes, Lady Eleanor?

Eleanor: Summon the knights – and tell them to shut that darn bell off!

SunnySmile13: I'm not an owl, you know.

Catherine: Sunny! Do you want to be a knight?

SunnySmile13: Yes…

Catherine: I don't think I heard you.

SunnySmile13: For goodness sake – fine! **(Grumbles and leaves)**

Catherine: Ah, newbies. Always fun to mess with.

Gwen: What's going on?

Eleanor: Get out of here, Guinevere, the grown-ups are talking.

Gwen: Why do you hate me so much?

Eleanor: I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.

Gwen: Arthur!

Catherine: Arthur…

Merlin: Arthur?

Arthur: Hmm? What? Emm…

Gwen: Fine! **(Leaves)**

Sir Jelly: Yo.

Catherine: Ah, knights, you are awake.

Sir Tor62442: Well there wasn't much of a chance of sleeping with that bell.

Eleanor: There is a matter of grave urgency.

Sir This is Gallifrey: Oh, well at least you haven't forgotten about us.

Eleanor: We did no such thing!

Sir GracefulLikeAGazelle: Weeks and weeks of stabbing dummies, drinking ourselves stupid, strutting about the castle…

Merlin: That doesn't sound so bad.

Sir Hazelbunny: That's not the point!  
Catherine: My sincerest apologies good Sirs. But when a holiday in the Bahamas sipping cocktails and playing volleyball calls…

Sir Clumsy_Blond3: Lucky for some.  
Eleanor: Ahh, the sand angels…

Sir Blue Dragon: I hate to interrupt this little trip down memory lane, but you mentioned a matter of grave urgency? Shouldn't we maybe do something about that?

Catherine: Ah yes, you are right Blue Dragon. So knights – Report.

Sir Jelly: … What?

Catherine: What is the situation?

Sir Blue Dragon: Aren't you supposed to tell us?

Eleanor: We expected you to know! You are Knights!

Sir Tor62442: We were in bed!

Arthur: Does anyone one have any idea why that bell is ringing?

All: ….

SunnySmile13: My Ladies! I tried looking for the Knights, it seems they have gone missing, it must be the cause of the – Oh. They're here. Right…

Eleanor: Where is Lord Honourable Knight Sir Simona?

Sir Clumsy_Blond3: Emm…

Catherine: Off you go Sunny.

SunnySmile13: Damn knights… **(Leaves)**

Sir Simona: Sound the alarm!

Arthur: No! We just shut that off!

Sir Simona: Ready the army! Man the catapults! Summon our allies!

Sir This is Gallifrey: Blooming heck!

Sunny: Sir Simona is – here. Of course she is. Humph.

Sir Simona: I know the cause for the alarm.

Merlin: You don't say.

Sir Simona: Sam has been taken.

Catherine: WHAT?

Eleanor: No!

Laughy-Taffy the Grape: Not Sam!

Sir Simona: It is true – Wait, what are you doing here? Kill her!

Laughy-Taffy the Grape: No, wait! Look, I hate you all –

Sir Clumsy_Blond3: Well that's a good start.

Laughy-Taffy the Grape: But I must save Sam. He is just too darn cute.

Sir GracefulLikeAGazelle: You expect us to trust you?

Laughy-Taffy the Grape: No. I don't trust you. I hope you all fall on your swords. But I am coming along, like it or not.

Sir Simona: Fine. But I'll be keeping three eyes on you at all times.

Laughy-Taffy the Grape: I'll be keeping four.

Catherine: This cannot be happening. Sam would never allow it. He is a trained Jedi.

Sir Simona: There were signs of a struggle.

Arthur: What signs?

Sir Simona: A broken laptop, three odd socks, a crumpled hobbit cloak, oh – and a powerful knock out drug.

Eleanor: S-Samuel…

Catherine: Shh shh… We will get him back.

Sir Tor62442: We will not rest until we do, I promise.

Catherine: But where do we start?

Eleanor: It's hopeless! We've lost him! NOOOOOO…..

Sir Simona: But I found a scroll of parchment.

Eleanor: You did?

Sir Simona: Yes. But… Well… Whoever took him, I think they are playing with you.

Catherine: Why?

Sir Simona: Well, my Lady, it is a poem.

Sir Hazelbunny: Well that's ironic.

Sir Jelly: Maybe it's a clue! It will lead us to his location!

Arthur: I will ready the men. We will await your instructions.

Catherine: Darn right you will. Now read the poem Simona – It's the only clue we have.

* * *

**Shadow Days **

The lake's water does shimmer soft  
Past moments leave their chill  
Where myths, like magic, fill the air  
The place where time stands still

Where souls are free from earthly bonds  
Within a realm unknown  
Dark magic plucked one forth, and hence  
Into the world was thrown

A mind – once pure, now distorted  
Good nature now defied  
A body warped to obey will  
A soul we thought had died

Possessing no more noble thoughts  
Instead just one set goal  
A pain-wrecked path trails in your wake  
The havoc takes its toll

Alas, the strongest oaths are straw  
To fire in the blood  
So passion damns all that one had  
Close to her, into mud

Now nothing but a shadow lies  
Across the tarnished ground  
An image of your former self  
Despite hopes you'd been found

And then, there came a bitter end  
To end these bitter days  
No state affair, no mourning crowd  
No great pyre ablaze

A quiet scene, a saddened friend  
A peaceful summer's day  
A final chance to say goodbye  
Peace for your soul – we'll pray

The lake's water does shimmer soft  
Past moments leave their chill  
Where myths, like magic, fill the air  
The place where time stands still

* * *

**Who was the poem about?**

**Who took the wonderful Sam?**

**What location should the Knights investigate?**

**Will this unholy alliance with Laughy ever work?**

**Will I update the poem in less than a month?**

**One can only hope.**

**FORTHELOVEOFCAMELOT. **


	57. Necromancy

Right, um, seeing as I wrote this poem roughly 8 weeks ago and am still waiting for Catherine to finish writing the AN, I am just going ahead and uploading it anyway. I could remind her, but it's more fun to annoy her like this! That's why you have to review - so she gets lots of emails saying 'you have a new review' and she will remember that _Fortheloveofcamelot_ still exists and go '"D'oh!" Or something along those lines...  
It is very summery right now in Scotland. Yesterday I went out WITHOUT A COAT! :O But also with suncream, because I burn like a... burny thing in the sun. Blech. Suncream. :-/  
It is also exam time. I've only had one so far, but I have three next week. Catherine has had at least two... Yeah, she's got two next week. But once we are finished with these, school is out FOREVER! These are crazy crazy days, fanficcers. Crazy. :O  
Ah well, I shall not detain you any further. I shall not even try to compete with Catherine's ANs, she can paste her one over this once she discovers what I've done! :P This is just to try and remind. I apologise for the delay. As always...

- Eleanor of 'fortheloveofcamelot'

* * *

Necromancy (by Eleanor)

Your life was going oh so well  
it really was a joy,  
until you went and fell in love  
with royalty - a boy.

Just a happy family  
two brothers, parents too,  
until you moved up in the world  
and signed your fate - your doom.

For though you were a doting wife  
it never was enough,  
you did not meet requirements  
a child for him you loved.

It broke his heart, he could not bear  
to choose a wife anew,  
and so fulfill his greatest wish  
a son - or maybe two!

After some discussion you  
went off to see the witch,  
so you could de-barrenise  
you did not know the switch.

You did not read the small print and  
it cost you all three lives,  
just to have a child who would  
be taught to play with knives.

And though years passed, you still were missed  
the fairest queen of all,  
your son received your ring, it was  
a token far too small.

Your brothers both were rather 'noyed  
and tried to take revenge,  
but in the end they both did fail  
and met a bitter end.

But you could not just rest in peace  
you were not left alone,  
cursèd apparitions meant  
that once more you must roam.

One meeting did take place by chance  
when wishes did come true,  
your son he begged to see you and  
'twas the least she could do.

But in the mystic candlelight  
you told your son the truth,  
so angry at his father, that  
he did not need your proof.

You tried to climb out of the well  
and gave someone a fright,  
yes, your dear old Uthypoo  
startled in the moonlight.

And though your tale is full of grief  
we hope you'll find your peace,  
and all those necromancers will  
at last their magic cease.

* * *

**FTLOC!  
FOOTLOCK!**


End file.
